Quick Takes

-1-

I am tired and going to take a nap as soon as I finish writing these.

-2-

I am very pleased that my Disney Children's Pandora station adds in an occasional song from Sound of Music. Saddened that it never plays anything from Cinderella or Snow White. Confused as to why it played Adelle....

-3-

I could use some Pandora suggestions. Anyone have some good stations for fun (but not too annoying) kid's music? And some stations that will play relaxing, background type music for me that won't feature Dave Matthews in every other song?  (Not that I don't like him, I just didn't sign up for the Dave Matthews channel!)

Suggestions please!

-4-

Ted and I are in a fantasy football league with four other couples back in Mississippi. I've been surprised by how much I care and actually enjoy playing it. After an epic, horrible, embarrassing loss last week-Ted offered to help me set my roster. Last night, with only six minutes before the first game started, Ted talked me through each decision and helped me create what I hope is a winning team for the week. When we got finished I said, "I wonder who I play this week?" Ted said, "Yeah-go check. I don't know who I play either."

It's each other. Thanks babe!

-5-

Read this article. Is your mind exploding? It's one thing to be "pro-choice". It's quite another to refuse to admit that there are very serious problems in the abortion industry that need to be addressed. Woman are being abused, even killed, and the "feminists" don't seem to care.

-6-

We're going to the beach tomorrow! It'll probably be our last time until Spring, when the weather gets warmer again. I really want to get a pumpkin spice latte for the ride down. I'm still just flabbergasted at the irony of that even being possible. Pumpkin spice latte at the beach-it's just not right.

-7-

Annnnnd nap.

My Toddler's House

I have greatly looked forward to the toddler years. I LOVED having a baby. Loved it. But I'm loving having a toddler even more. The wonder. The excitement. The amazing way her little brain works. It's the best.

And I love the daily, usually hourly, reminders that I have an energetic, fascinating little toddler roaming around my house.

The kleenexes wadded up in their box after being taken out and put back in a hundred times.

The clean silverware that I found in the hallway inside a bedroom trashcan after only stepping in the bathroom for a second to blow my nose.

Finding a golf ball tucked beneath my pillow when I pull down the sheets.

Little reminders that Hannah is here.

And yes, sometimes it's frustrating to miss a call because my phone was buried in a basket of plastic fruit.

Or put the cotton balls back in their dish for the millionth time in an hour.

Or clean up a spill because she crawled on the table and dumped my water out.

But mostly, these little glitches to my "perfectly" clean house make me smile.

They remind me that I'm a mommy.

That I have a toddler.

And that this is her house too.

Quick Takes

-1-

I guess you could say we're settled! We moved to our new rental house two weeks ago, lived in chaos for the first week, then welcomed my parents and sister down to completely clean and organize our entire house. All of our stuff was stored in the moldy house for almost three months while we were "homeless" so everything had to be cleaned. Everything. No-I don't think you understand. We wiped down each individual spice shaker. And ran loads of clothes hangers through the dishwasher. And did laundry......for 10 straight days. I'm actually still not done with laundry. My guess is that we've done at least 60 loads of towels, sheets, clothes, baby toys, and anything else that was made of fabric.

It. was. exhausting.

And it's almost over! With the exception of a one page to do list-we are moved in!

-2-

I have a post in my head about lessons I learned from being "homeless". Some of them profound, lessons that I'm really glad I had the opportunity to learn. Others, not so much. Like-I really need a garlic press. From Pampered Chef. It's not an option-it's a necessity.

-3-

We had a doctor's appointment today and Ted was able to take off work for it! Four weeks apart is so far and I've been nervous waiting for the appointment. I do feel the baby kick but I'm so busy and distracted during the day that I won't feel it for several days straight. Then it will occur to me that I haven't felt any kicks and I'll sit and wait for them. And of course they never come at that moment. But we had a quick ultrasound and baby was alive and well. Alleluia!

-4-

We got a few pictures. And I left them in the exam room. Sorry mom! We have the "big" ultrasound scheduled soon-so there will be pictures in the near future.

-5-

The bump at 18 weeks. No, I did not fix my hair for this picture.

-6-

She is so beautiful. Her smile stops me in my tracks.

-7-

A few new fun facts about my girl: She's perfected the art of saying "no" but always does it respectfully and sweetly (how long will this last??) If she doesn't like the song on the radio she shakes her head and says "no" until I find one she likes. If she doesn't want me to tickle her belly she says "no" until I figure out that she wants me to tickle her feet. She hands me puzzle pieces and tells me where to put them. Sometimes she purposefully tells me the wrong spot and then says "no" and moves the piece herself.

Do ya think we might have a control freak on our hands?? I wonder where she could get that from?

Happy Weekend!

Quick Takes

-1-

Hannah and I are participating in this research study about child language development. Today she's wearing an audio recorder in her shirt for 12+ hours and its recording everything she says and hears all day. Earlier this week someone came to our house (well, our hotel room) and video taped us together for an hour.

Ever since I was a little girl I have pretended that my life was on camera. Weird-yes I know. But I would just think, "How would I act right now if there was a camera on me?" Even now I consider my actions under the light of a hidden camera. So it was pretty fun to live out this daydream for real. For the most part, I was exactly myself on the video. We played, brushed teeth, read books, and chased each other around the room. I may have skipped my incessant checking of email......

-2-

For being in the study we were given a Target gift card! I used part of it to buy a baby doll stroller that I've really been wanting to get for Hannah. It was a good buy. She has not stopped pushing it around since I bought it two days ago. She's such a little mommy. I love it.

-3-

Did you catch the part above where I said we were living in a hotel? For the last two and a half weeks this has been our home. A two bedroom suites with a small kitchen. It's been glorious. Housekeeping comes every day to change our towels, clean the sinks, take out the trash, wash the dishes (which I don't let them know-I could never be that mean), and give us more toilet paper. And keep me company and dote on how adorable Hannah is. Every morning we walk over to the front desk to collect our free breakfast, as well as plenty of bananas and raisins for snacks throughout the day. I get free coffee and stick it in the fridge and have iced coffee every afternoon. Then we spend the day playing on the stairs, going up and down the elevator, and watching the school buses drive by. And there's a pool! Absolutely awesome. I could seriously stay here for another month. Or two.

-4-

But that won't happen because we move tomorrow!!!! Yes, after two and a half months of living out of our suitcase-after staying in TEN different beds in ten weeks-we are finally settling into our own place. Thanks be to God. This insane summer "adventure" is almost over.

-5-

I'm seriously considering joining the Be the Match registry for bone marrow donation. Has anyone done this? Honestly, I'm a bit nervous. And being sick for two weeks if I was ever called to donate is daunting. But hello! My bone marrow could be the exact thing that someone is waiting on to save their life! Two weeks of discomfort for me would mean a LIFETIME for them. Anyone want to join me?

-6-

I will limit my thoughts on the Democratic National Convention to one take. And I'll try to keep it short. Oh so much to say....which thought should I choose??

It was painfully clear that the Democratic party has taken a very sharp turn in supporting abortion. They've always been "pro-choice" to be sure, but the last few nights were different. They were in your face, militantly pro abortion. They have presented themselves as the party who will always protect the "right" for a woman to kill her child. And I am STILL seeing Obama stickers on cars in Catholic Church parking lots! The Catechism is quite clear. There is no room for discussion. You cannot serve God and mammon.

Catholics are free to disagree on a wide variety of issues. Abortion is not one of them. And supporting a party that proudly and unwaveringly supports abortion is not one of them.

Thank God for Cardinal Dolan's closing prayer, in which he prayed for "those waiting to be born". Sadly, MSNBC didn't even show the prayer on their coverage. I had to turn it to big bad crazy Fox to watch the end of the convention. And to see the only person that spoke the Truth on that stage.

-7-

I'll leave you with two adorable You Tube videos that I came across this week thanks to some friends. The first is my favorite, the second is Hannah's.

Happy Weekend!

My Unprepared Heart

I was pretty dern prepared for motherhood. Of course, nothing can prepare you for being completely responsible for all aspect of another human being's life 24 hours a day. But I had a lot going for me. I have a minor in child development and have worked in preschools, church nurseries, and day cares. I've done hundreds of hours of clinicals with children of all ages. I've babysat and nannies for countless families, some with as many as six or eight children. At the time of my pregnancy with Hannah, I had tons of friends with babies so seeing things like babywearing, breastfeeding, and diaper changes was part of my every day life.

And when Hannah was born I actually felt prepared. Sure, there were times that were overwhelming. But I took everything in stride and-for the most part-really felt like I knew what I was doing.

Fast forward to today. Her second day of "school" at her once-a-week mother's morning out co-op. Last week she cried for the first hour. This week I snuck out of the room before she could see me and then waited at the door to listen for any crying. None. So I left.

An hour later I got a call from her teacher saying she had been crying the entire time. Her teacher was wonderful. She wasn't complaining, just trying to get ideas from me as to what might calm her down. While we talked Hannah actually stopped crying and found some baby dolls to play with. Her teacher said she would call back if things escalated again. I went to pick her up a half-hour early and stayed in my car and watched her on the playground. (that's not crazy right? tell me I'm not crazy.)

What I saw broke my heart. Ripped it in shreds. I don't know that I will ever, ever forget it.

My girl. Sad little face. On the playground. Standing at the fence looking out all by herself. When she started to cry her teacher picked her up and tried to distract her. But for the most part she was just...sad. She didn't try to play with any of the other kids. She didn't go down the slide and play in the dirt. She just stood and watched and waited for me.

My heart was completely unprepared for this. I had no idea it could hurt this much to see my little girl be unhappy. This hurt worse than the years of suffering through shitty friends in high school. Or finding out that my boyfriend cheated on me. Or getting dumped. Worse than every single time I was dumped combined. To see her suffer, I just can't handle it.

Obviously I know her life will involve suffering. And I know it's stupid to believe I can protect her from it. But dammit I'm going to try. If not for her sake, for mine! How will I ever be able to handle having my heart ripped out on a regular basis as she grows up and deals with the hard knocks life throws at her?

I've been sick to my stomach all day. I can't get her sad little face out of my head.

I told Ted a few nights ago that the mental and emotional energy I spend each day just thinking about Hannah is exhausting. Not even considering that actual physical work involved. Just thinking about what's best for her, trying my best to show her love-it takes up so much space in my brain. He suggested maybe I was going overboard. That I needed to try not to think about it all too much. But that's simply impossible. I know I'm not crazy or overbearing or extreme. I'm fairly certain that I'm just a regular mom who loves her kid and doesn't want to see her get hurt. And although that last sentence doesn't sound very difficult, this is the most difficult emotion I have ever experienced.

And although I'm confident in my knowledge of child development, have a handle on everything from cloth diapers to healthy meals to medical records, and even kind of know what I'm doing when it comes to discipline (I said kind of!) my heart is completely unprepared for the sorrow that motherhood will inevitably bring.

Even with all of my experience, I had no idea what I was signing up for.