Welcoming Paul (Parts Two-Four)

Read Part 1: The Awesome Part here.

Part 2: The Sucky Part

We got into our labor and delivery room around 4:00 am. Our doula put all of our things away, taped our birth plan to the door, and turned down the lighting. The nurse filled up the labor tub and I labored on my knees on the bed while I waited.

When the tub was ready I happily climbed in. It was.....just ok. I wasn't expecting it to take away every ounce of pain, obviously. But because I wasn't able to sit down, I couldn't really get comfortable. I squatted against the side of the tub, but that kept half of my belly out of the water which kind of defeated the purpose. And although it did help me to relax, I wasn't loving it. I drank lots of juice and water to keep from getting overheated. Ted, Amy, and I talked to pass the time because at this point contractions had spaced out to every five minutes or so.

I had no idea I was this tired! I thought I was bright eyed and grinning for this picture!

After about an hour I started feeling the urge to push. It was intense and painful and felt weird. I started grunting and straining and didn't know what to do. It didn't exactly feel right to push but it hurt too bad not to. Amy could tell I was heading into transition and got a bag in case I got sick to my stomach. I told them to call the nurse and that I wanted out of the tub. I thought this baby was on his way!

When the nurse checked me I was a seven. Not what I was thinking I would be, but it was still progress. I was more confused than discouraged. My nurse could sense my confusion and told me, "You're definitely in transition Kaitlin. Don't get discouraged." I repeated to myself, "This is transition. This is short. You can do this. It won't last long." in between contractions to sike myself up for what would be taking place. We had been in labor for only five hours at this point but the end was in sight! That was around 5:00 am.

Out of the tub my contractions started to become much more painful. And then the back pain started. Oh the back pain! It felt like my lower back was just going to fall off. Just disconnect from my body like a hubcap would fall off an old car. Amy and the nurse suspected this meant that the baby was sunny-side-up and started talking about different positions that would help to turn him. I labored in the bed on my right side with my left leg propped up high against a peanut shaped birth ball. It hurt. I hated trying to relax through contractions in this position, but I knew we needed to turn the baby. Only a few contractions in, I felt something that felt like turning. It actually felt like the head inside my birth canal just rotated in a circle. I have no idea if this is what actually happened, but I know it hurt.

After another hour of this, around 6:00, I got checked again and was an eight and baby had moved down to a +2 station. Things were moving pretty quickly! Contractions were intense and painful but I was still doing a great job going limp, relaxing, and low moaning through each one.

At 7:00 our nurse was finished with her shift. She told me that our new nurse, Karen, used to be a doula and loved natural birth. Perfect. She also told me that Karen had another nurse with her who was training for the labor and delivery floor. She also had a student nurse shadowing her and asked if would be ok if she came in. I said something like, "Sure, as long as she stays in the corner and shuts up." Our first nurse left and our new team of three nurses came in. It was around that time that my doctor also showed up.

I was still having intense back pain, despite using the birth ball for so long, so he brought in an ultrasound machine and checked the baby's position. Even though I was starting to get pretty groggy at this point, I had the clarity of mind to say, "Don't let us see the gender!" On the screen popped a beautiful little spine-baby was in the "perfect" position.

At this point I had been in transition for nearly three hours. And although I was progressing, it was slow. I hadn't had any sleep since the night before and was getting very, very tired. Our doctor suggested trying to increase the intensity of contractions through either nipple stimulation or pitocin. He pushed for the nipple stimulation first, since it was the natural choice. I was very discouraged. I had gotten out of the tub thinking we were about to meet our baby over two hours before! And now I was being told that I needed to do something to try and make the baby come sooner! I figured if I we had a while to go I may as well get back in the tub. I reluctantly got back in and turned it up as hot as I could handle it. I sat under the faucet and did the nipple stimulation constantly, even through my contractions, which was quite painful.

I was wearing down. I started to fall asleep in the tub between contractions, even though I was trying to do the stimulation. I didn't want to talk or think. I just wanted to sit under the faucet and go to sleep. I started talking about getting an epidural-something I had never done with Hannah's birth. I didn't want it for the pain. The pain I could handle. I just wanted to sleep. I told our nurse I wanted an epidural and she encouraged me to keep going. She talked me into giving her "just one more hour" before talking about it again. I argued for a bit, but consented.

Ted and Amy got me out of the tub around 8:00 and dried me off. We asked to get checked and got wonderful news! Nine centimeters-with just a little bit of a cervical lip! I had the exact situation with Hannah and the nurse just pushed it over her head during the next contraction. I immediately started pushing and out she came.

When I heard that "nine with a lip" I yelled, "Push it over the head!" The doctor told me to push on the next contraction and tried to move the last bit of cervix over the baby's head. Oh it hurt. Oh my did it hurt! Pushing felt strange and weird and painful-nothing like when I pushed with Hannah. Our doctor said he couldn't move the lip and said we needed to just keep laboring. I was pretty distraught. Karen, our nurse, suggested we try squatting to get the baby to move down and get the lip around his head. She broke down the bed and set up the birth bar.

"What do you expect me to do with that?" I asked. She said, "Hang from it like this and squat as low as you can."

Um, not gonna happen. At this point I was so weak that I couldn't even hold my own cup of juice. There was no way my arms could support the weight of my body. Thankfully, Ted knew just what to do. He stood as a post and held me up under my arms and then lowered me into a squat for each contraction. I squatted as low as I could and it was low. My butt was just an inch or so from the floor and once again I was thankful I had done my pregnancy exercises. I can't remember how long we did this-but I was hopeful that it would work after just a few contractions. Our nurse checked us after just a bit and found that stubborn lip still in place.

She tried to push it back, just as our doctor had done. When she couldn't I begged her to just "shove it over the head!" She told me that it would cause permanent damage and that we just had to keep going. I asked for the epidural again.

Once again everyone was encouraging me to keep going. They reassured me that we didn't have long to go. They asked what position I wanted to be in and I couldn't even answer. I had no idea. I couldn't think straight. They got me up on the bed and our doctor suggested we try the nipple stimulation again. They raised the back of the bed and I knelt against it with my arms dangling over the top. Ted did the stimulation because I was too weak at this point. The back pain, which had never gone away, suddenly became intense. I needed someone to apply counter pressure through every contraction. The young nursing student was the lucky one who got to stand behind me, just inches from my bare butt, and push on my back as hard as she could. For over an hour.

I remember being in this position for a really long time. I could barely speak. All I could say was, "Hot. Cold. Nauseous. Back." If I said "hot" they put a wet rag on my neck. "Cold" and they threw a blanket over me. "Nauseous" and they waved peppermint oil under my nose. "Back" and they pushed harder. Amy and Ted were on each side of me. Ted stayed up by my head encouraging me and rubbing my arms. Amy rubbed my legs and tried to get the tension out of my feet. The nurse in training constantly refilled my juice cup and the student nurse pushed on my back. It was quite the team effort.

At some point they moved me onto my side and propped my leg back up on the peanut birth ball. I didn't have the energy to hold my leg up so they had to hold it for me. I slept between contractions, as they were now seven minutes apart. I couldn't voice what I was thinking, but I remember being worried that we were headed for a c-section. I couldn't lift my legs or hold a cup. How was I going to push out a baby? I was still doing great relaxing through each contraction-but I was completely out of energy. Ted was thinking the same thing too, although he didn't want to mention it and make me scared.

Laboring? Or dying?

Our doctor came in around 11:30 and suggested we try pitocin to get the contractions closer together and finally get me fully dilated. He said that we had given the nipple stimulation a chance and that it hadn't worked. He promised it would be on the lowest dose necessary and he guessed that it would work quickly. He was so nice and apologized that we were deviating from our birth plan but assured us that he thought it was for the best.

I was terrified of how painful the contractions were going to get with pitocin. They were already so overwhelming. I asked for an epidural again but everyone reassured me that I could do it. We were so close. After they hooked up my IV, I immediately started whining and moaning and crying. Our nurse asked what was wrong and I said, "It hurts!" She gave me a smile and said, "Kaitlin-it hasn't even gotten into you yet." It was all in my head, but it definitely freaked me out.

Part 3: Sweet Relief

After just 20 minutes on piticon (even though it still wasn't affecting me) I shouted, "I am DONE! I am NOT a martyr! I have NOTHING to prove!"

At least that's what I thought I did. Ted told me later that it more like the faintest whisper. "I'm done. I'm not a martyr. I have nothing to prove."

He knew I had nothing left in me. In Ted's mind, I needed to get the epidural so that I would have enough energy to push. He was worried that I would end up with a c-section if I didn't some relief.

They sent for the anesthesiologist.

At this point I became like the classic laboring women from the tv shows. "Where is he? Tell him to hurry up!" I had completely checked out and just wanted this to go away. I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up and meet my baby.

The epidural man came in at 12:30 and said something stupid like "I wanted to do this at 7:30!" I quickly responded, "Don't make me feel stupid for the decisions I've made." I don't think he heard me and made a similar comment a bit later. I gave my same response but couldn't see his face for his reaction. He went over everything with me. "Do you consent?" I couldn't say yes fast enough. I was still laying on my side and he asked me to sit up. I needed two people to help me. Then he went around to the side of the bed and told me to scoot back. I looked at our nurse with a confused expression. They both said it again. "Scoot back." And I had to ask them what they meant. I could not fathom what they were asking me to do. Our nurse said, "Kaitlin-put your feet on the floor and push your bottom back." I said, "I can't do that." and told the epidural man to "Pull me back!" Apparently that is not part of his job description because he refused and Ted and Amy grabbed both of my sides and scooted me back on the bed. Ted came around to my front and held my hands while I got the epidural. I started praying a Hail Mary and Ted joined me. I whispered Jesus' name over and over again. The only word I said out loud was "Jesus" but in my head I was praying "Jesus-please let this work. Jesus-please don't let me have serious complications. Jesus-please don't let me regret this. Jesus-please don't let this lead to other interventions." I was scared, but managed to stay still through each contraction until it was over.

One more heinous contraction and then.......nothing. Zip. Nada. They told me I could probably still move my legs-which I could. I wiggled my toes and flailed my legs around in bed. As weird as it was, I could actually move them better now than I could before the epidural when they were so tired and tense. Every few contractions I felt some pressure, but it was nothing. The nurses told me to rest, but instead I started texting.

As I texted our nurse looked back over the monitoring strip and informed me that my contractions had been seven minutes apart and three minutes long for the past several hours. Three minutes. As in-two to three times longer than contractions are supposed to be! My immediate reaction was, "I am a rock star." And I felt sort of justified for "giving in" to the epidural.

They turned up the pitocin just a bit to try to get that last half a centimeter to finally go away. Ted left to get something to eat and I called Summer to see how Hannah was doing. She told me that when Hannah woke up that morning and saw Summer instead of me she said, "Mommy home?" Summer told her no and she immediately said, "Hospital. Baby!" My girl knew exactly what was going on and wasn't upset in the least. I cried. I missed her. I had been away from her for so long and when I saw her again she would be a big sister. It was the first time in hours I was able to think clearly and process my emotions.

Part 4: Time to Push

The room was bright. The windows were open. I was finally comfortable and clear headed and just sat and took it all in. After only a half hour, they checked me and said we were ready to push! I was shocked-I guess I still thought we had hours ahead of us. But that's all it took-a half hour of pitocin and I was finally fully dilated! Amy had just left to get something to eat so I asked if we could wait for her to get back. I felt no urge to push and honestly, I wasn't even in a hurry. I was just so relieved to be out of that horrible transition that I didn't mind just chillin' in bed sipping juice. Amy was taking a while to eat so we decided to start pushing without her. She walked in right when we were getting started.

I had had so many fears about pushing with an epidural. All the natural birth books and classes tell you that you won't have the urge to push and won't be able to push effectively. It was partly true. I had no urge to push and couldn't tell you if I was in the middle of a contraction or not. But push effectively? That was easy. I just, well, pushed! I happily let them hold up my feet for me, held my thighs back, and pushed when the nurses told me to push. I had talked to my doctor before about trying to prevent tearing and he was really trying hard to keep me all in one piece. He had me take a break every few contractions so that the baby wouldn't come too quickly. He would tell me to not push on the next contraction and I thought, "No problem. I don't even know when it is!"

I watched in the mirror as that little patch of hair got bigger and bigger. The student nurse was by my side and couldn't contain her excitement. "Oh wow. Oh my gosh. That's amazing." I later learned that it was the first birth she ever witnessed! I was so happy that she was there. She just brought such a sense of awe to a room full of people who see this all the time.

One big push and we had a head! And an arm! Right after his head popped out his little arm came with it. The doctor and both nurses immediately sighed and said, "That explains the lip!" He had his hand up by his face the entire time, preventing me from fully dilating when the contractions were so far apart. Our doctor did some fancy maneuver to turn the baby and avoid any problems. Then he gave him a mohawk while we waited for the next contraction. One more push and his body came right out. I couldn't see his face.... but I could see his penis!

"A boy!" I didn't need to announce it. It was easily apparent to everyone in the room!

He didn't cry at first. The doctor held him upside down for a bit while the nurses suctioned him. He had a lot of mucus because he came so quickly. My shock at finding out he was a boy quickly changed to concern. "Why isn't he crying? Why isn't he crying?" It was probably only a few seconds, but it felt like a lifetime. And because I couldn't see his face, I didn't know that he was fine. The nurses weren't concerned at all, I was the only one afraid. And then...a scream. Followed by a wale. Followed  by another scream. "Gimme my baby!"

They put him on my bare chest and all I could think was, "He goes completely across the width of my body!" He was huge! And loud! I cried and held him and kissed Ted and tried to get him to nurse.

But he was too interested in screaming.

For the next 55 minutes.

The baby I thought wouldn't cry now didn't know how to stop.

Our doctor, who is also a family practice doctor, got up and checked his shoulder. He was concerned that maybe he had pulled a muscle, or worse, because of his arm coming out early. Thankfully, everything was fine.

But he still wouldn't stop screaming. The nurses speculated that he may have had a headache from his awkward position.

When the doctor was finished with me, he stood up and said, "My guess is 9 pounds." My jaw hit the floor. Surely he was wrong. But when the nurses came in later to check the weight: 9..... and a HALF!

I just birthed a 9 pound, 9 ounce baby! He was 21 3/4 inches long and had a 14 1/2 head circumference. That's a huge head. And, thanks to the epidural that allowed me to push slowly, I didn't even tear.

My parents, who started driving down from Missouri when I went into labor, arrived about a half an hour after he was born. The timing was perfect. When they walked in I said, "He won't stop screaming!" "He?? A boy?" After three girls and one granddaughter, my dad finally had a boy.

I tried everything to calm him down and get him to nurse to no avail. Finally, after almost an hour I gave him to Ted. Ted swaddled him and shushed him and he immediately fell asleep. I guess he just wanted his daddy. Ted looked at me with tears in his eyes. "A fishing buddy." And then it was my turn to cry.

After Ted had some snuggle time he gave him back to me and he nursed like a champ. I was finally able to enjoy my son. He was beautiful.

Fourteen hours of labor. Seven and a half hours of an absolutely hellacious transition. One hour of an epidural. Twenty-one minutes of pushing. One hour of screaming. And I finally had my sweet baby in my arms.

Paul Joseph-you were worth the wait.

Welcoming Paul (Part One)

Part One: The Awesome Part

Even though I try not to put too much stock in due dates, I was fairly confident that this baby would be born before his due date. When February 24th came and went, I wasn't too discouraged. But when March rolled around I was getting very impatient. I was doing everything imaginable at this point to try to put myself into labor. Eating an entire pineapple, crawling around on my hands and knees, and lots of "the act that got the baby in there in the first place"). By Sunday, March 3, one week past our due date, it felt like this baby would never get here. My mind played mean tricks on me all day and I was really trying hard to keep it together.

When I finally I crawled in bed around 11:00 that night, I got the slightest feeling that something might happen soon. I didn't want to hope for much, but something told me that it was time. At 11:30 I felt my first contraction while laying in bed trying to sleep. I breathed through it, trying not to wake Ted. A few more came pretty close together and were starting to really hurt. I got out of bed around midnight and killed time online while standing and doing pelvic rocks. The contractions immediately faded, just like I thought they would. I got back in bed at 12:30 and had a strong contraction within seconds. I decided to count its length to see if it lasted a whole minute. When I got to eight.....

pop. gush.

I sprang up and yelled, "My water just broke!" Ted turned over and said, "Are you sure?" Oh I was sure. Absolutely sure. I felt like the baby just reared back and kicked a whole in my uterus. Although I was excited to finally be in labor (and have such a clear sign that this was really it) I was nervous about what this meant for labor. At this point we weren't sure if the baby was sunny side up or in the right position. And I knew that a posterior baby and no watery cushion in my womb could make for a very difficult labor.

I put on the depends and started talking about what we needed to do. I called our doula, Amy, and she said she was going to take a nap and then come over. I labored in the bedroom for a little while, then decided to bake some cookie dough I had frozen. I wanted to stay busy so I wouldn't focus on the contractions too soon. Before the cookies even finished baking though, I told Ted to start packing the car. Contractions were three minutes apart and I was needing his support to get through them. I felt a lot of pressure down low and was uncomfortable sitting. I found myself on my knees or squatting during contractions. I told our doula to come on over and we called our friends, Chris and Summer, to come spend the night with Hannah. I packed the last minute things in the suitcase and tried to stay calm and not get too excited or anxious. Ted thought I was jumping the gun-since we had labored at home for 15 hours before heading to the hospital last time.  But something just told me that this one was going to be different and that we needed to hurry.

Ted was having trouble getting the car packed because he had to keep stopping to help me through contractions. He was amazing. It was like no time had passed since Hannah's birth and he knew exactly how to coach me through labor. He knew just what to say and how to help me relax. I found myself going completely limp with each contraction and was gaining confidence that I would be able to handle this again for the second time around. When Amy arrived around 2:00 am she could see that things were progressing quickly and that Ted needed a chance to finish getting everything together. She suggested I take a shower to slow things down a bit. I obliged and hopped in the shower while she stayed with me. Ted finally had a chance to finish everything up and I did a great job laboring in the shower. After several minutes Summer popped her head in the bathroom to tell me they were there. A few minutes later Ted came in to tell us that we were ready to leave. Amy later told me that I asked Ted, "Is Summer here yet?" even though I had just spoken to her. I was already starting to get a little confused and out of sorts.

I desperately wanted to go in and see Hannah before we left, but I didn't want to risk waking her. I held back tears thinking about how long I was going to be separated from her. I was glad she was asleep, but it was hard to not get to say goodbye. After snapping a picture and giving Summer some last minute instructions for Hannah, we got in the car and headed to the hospital.

Ted was excited to have an excuse to speed. I had several strong contractions in the car and was forced to get off my bottom in the seat. It just hurt too much. Just like last time,we prayed on the way to the hospital since it was the first time we were able to just sit and be alone together. We made the trip,which usually takes 20 minutes, in only twelve. We parked the car and headed up the elevator around 3:00 am. Check in took forever and I stood at the counter and swayed through my contractions. From there, we went to triage which took even longer.

We were the only couple in the giant triage room, yet we had to wait at least ten minutes before being seen by the tech. She told me to get up on the bed. Which I did. Kneeling. She looked at me like I was crazy but I told her I wasn't going to sit down unless I absolutely had to. She acted like I was crazy and tried to figure out how to put the oxygen sensor on my finger when I wasn't in the usual position. Finally a nurse came and it was the moment of truth.

6 centimeters!

So much relief. So much happiness. We had only been in labor for three and a half hours and I was already a  6! Our nurse asked about our plan for pain management and I told her we were prepared for a natural birth. To which she responded, "I love natural birth couples!" When we gave her our birth plan she said, "I love birth plan couples!" I asked if she would be our nurse in the delivery room and she said no, but later she came back and said she switched duties so she could stay with us. We headed back to the labor and delivery room to have a baby! I told her to call ahead and get that labor tub ready. I was really excited to have the opportunity to labor in the tub this time around.

Ted and I may have high-fived on the way to the room. So excited to be so far along this quickly and easily. Our nurse told us she was off work at 7:00-three hours away. But I knew we'd have a baby by then.

And that was the end of Awesome.

Read the rest here.

Five Favorites

I'm jumping on board the Five Favorites train to share my favorite postpartum products. Here goes:

-1-

I read this tip in the comment section of a blog post when I was pregnant with Hannah and boy oh boy was I glad I did! Buy the most expensive toilet paper you can find. Take a role to the hospital. Use the rest at home. Because really-the time for using crappy one ply toilet paper is NOT hours after you give birth.

-2-

I have an extreme amount of pity for any nursing mother who wasn't told about lanolin when they started nursing. The last thing our doula said before leaving us when Hannah was born was, "Lanolin. Both sides. Every single time." And I listened. I had virtually no pain with Hannah and am only having some with Paul (i.e. cussing only once or twice per day) Waiting until your nipples are cracked and bleeding is NOT the time to go out and get some lanolin. Have it ready. Use it liberally.

-3-

I love these nursing tanks from Target. I bought two with Hannah and am still using them (although they're slightly stained from all the lanolin). I have one in black for wearing by itself and one in cream-which is good for wearing under clothes. I've lived in them from the time we got to our postpartum room until now-with no end in sight. I wash them both almost every single day because they are usually covered in spit up and breastmilk. If you can afford it-get three or four. Order them small, they stretch out a bit. I have one with "side slings" and one with holes cut out for your boobs. I like the side sling one better-the extra fabric on the other gets in the way sometimes. Absolutely could not survive the messy months of nursing without them.

-4-

A sweet blogger friend gifted me with a postpartum care kit from Earth Mama Angel Baby when I was pregnant with Hannah. I had no idea what a perfect gift it was until I started using it. This bottom balm was essential in healing from my tear, these bath herbs were wonderful when added to a sitz bath, but this spray was absolutely amazing. I only have the balm and herbs leftover for this time around and I really wish I had the spray. This would make a great gift for a pregnant friend!

-5-

I had no idea this little gem existed with my first nursing go-around. Oh how I wish I had! I think it could have saved us months of agony from oversupply. Not to mention the hours I could have NOT been pumping had I known about it. It's a Milkies Milk Saver (click for link) and it does just that. It saves the milk that leaks out from the breast that's not attached to the baby. The first time I used it I got 2.5 ounces in just a single 15 minute nursing session. That's an entire lady's night out! Effortlessly! In only a few days I've managed to stock 33 ounces of breast milk in the freezer. If this keeps up, I won't ever have to pump. Ever. Granted, I'm not working full time like I was with Hannah. I probably would have had to pump a little then-but it's likely it would only have been one time a day.

And if I thought this thing was awesome yesterday-today I'm even more in love. I skipped it last night because I was too lazy to walk back into the kitchen before crawling in bed. I've been engorged all day-it has been saving me of this discomfort and I didn't even know it! I think this is because I'm letting all that extra milk out rather than smashing my unused breast to try to stop it.

I'm not soaked when I get up from nursing. I'm not pumping to have a supply for the times I need to be separated from Paul. I'm not engorged and uncomfortable. It's a win-win (win-win-win-win....).

-6-

I'm cheating and adding a sixth favorite. 

This guy.

He makes all the postpartum trouble worth it.

Any other postpartum essentials that I've missed? I'm really wanting to try reusable breast pads this time around (so I can stop buying the disposables every time I turn around) but want to know if they really work.  I tried the cheapos from Walmart with Hannah and felt like I had wet rags in my bra all day. Anyone know of a brand that really works? Tell me about your favorite postpartum items in the comments!

Five Days with Paul

Home

Paul was born Monday afternoon and we left the hospital Tuesday evening. I had mixed feelings. I was ready to get home and sleep in my own bed-without any nurses to wake me up every hour to take my temperature needlessly for the millionth time. The downside, however, meant no more Percocet.

Male
Ted has two older sisters. I have two younger sisters. Other than the baby boys I babysat years ago, I have very little experience in this realm of testosterone. When Paul was born the very first thing I saw was his man parts. In all their glory. No announcement was needed-the whole room knew we had a boy.

Diapers
I've only been peed on once so far. Not that big of a feat considering I've really only changed about four diapers (love my sweet husband!). Ted observed me wiping Paul down after a poop and shouted, "Easy easy!" Apparently those things are sensitive. I just thought he was screaming because of the cold wipe. Lesson learned-treat those things with care.

Little guy had two poops his first day of life. And already this morning has pooped four times. We've had a few blowouts and even one down to the socks. I'm so proud :)

Nursing
Good poop means good milk! My milk came in Wednesday night and he loves it. I do not, however, love his latch. Tight little mouth that he refuses to open wide. Sore nipples that are getting munched on every two hours. We're experimenting with the football hold and it seems to be helping.

Ice Cream

We had an ice cream party to celebrate his arrival. It was Hannah's first time eating ice cream (coconut milk ice cream is expensive!) and she loved it. She did not, however, like the fact that we said Happy Birthday Paul. It is definitely still her birthday in her world.

Recovery
Let me just say this-recovering with a tear and recovering without a tear are two totally different experiences. What? You think I meant that I have a bad tear right now? Oh  no. That would be my 7 pound little girl who ripped me up and caused me so much postpartum pain. My 9 1/2 pound chunker? A teeny tiny tear that barely required one stitch. Life is good. I can sit on chairs, squat, and don't have to tend to my wounds a hundred times a day.

Sleep
I know they say to wake a newborn up every three hours to nurse. But when a 9 pound baby sleeps for 5 straight hours.....I'm gonna let it slide. He is having some burping difficulty at night-which of course is gone during the day. We've spent 1-2 hours each night just trying to get him to burp and be comfortable. But after we get it out of him, he's sleeping pretty well.

God blessed us with a miracle on our first night home-Hannah slept through the night! This hasn't happened in over a month. It only lasted one night, but she's still doing better than she has been in recent weeks. The second night we were home we tried to move the rocker out of her room into our room so I could nurse in it at night. This resulted in a total meltdown that left both of us in tears. She still needs her rocker to be snuggled in. I still need to snuggle her. We're just not ready for that yet. My back will have to deal with nursing in the bed for the time being.

Siblings

Hannah is adjusting pretty well. My parents just left this morning and Ted's mom is coming this afternoon-so she has not lacked for attention. She likes Paul, but isn't obsessed with him. She runs to him when he cries and tells me "mama, nurse!"  She gives him kisses, turns on his noise machine for him, and has only whacked him once.

Birth
I'm still processing everything from Paul's birth. It was different than what I hoped for-but not necessarily in a bad way. Very, very different from Hannah's and I'm a little slow to let it all sink in. I know that writing it out will help me figure out my feelings-it always does.

Snuggles

I forgot how sweet they are smashed up against you in a Moby Wrap.

Introducing Paul Joseph!

We have a BOY!

We welcomed our son Paul into the world at 1:41 pm Monday, March 4th. He weighed 9 pounds, 9 ounces and  measured in at 21 3/4 inches long. We're all doing great and are so relieved he's finally here!

Overdue Stream of Conscience

Lest you think that something exciting is going on around here, this post shall prove otherwise.

It's not natural to be "totally prepared" for something to happen when you're 37 weeks pregnant......and then still be just as ready when you're past 40. It messes with your head. The hospital bag needs to be packed. The depends and towels need to be in the car. The cradle must be put together. But then it all just sits there. Taunting you. For weeks.

It's not natural to say to yourself everyday, "It could be today!" while at the same time saying, "It's probably not going to be today."

Three days past that elusive "due date". This is the day I went into labor with Hannah-although she wasn't actually born until five days past. A few days ago, I read back over a post I wrote when I was two days past my due date with her and couldn't believe how emotional I was. Crying on the phone with Ted? Really Kaitlin?

Cut to yesterday, two days past, and it's taking everything I have not to call him at work sobbing and repeating, "I want to meet my baby!"

Oh the hormones. And the anticipation. And the nerves. It's just too much.

To make matters oh-so-much-more-fun,  Hannah has a cold. Last night she woke up three times before we even got to bed and we braced ourselves for what would surely be a long night. Moments after my head hit the pillow-she wakes up again only to puke for the next half hour from all the snot she had been swallowing. Holding a bawling, confused little girl while getting chunks of snot and food thrown up all over me-for the first time ever I actually prayed, "Lord, PLEASE don't let me go into labor right now."

How bad would that be? Ugh. So bad. And now Ted and I are both getting her cold, obviously. I will refuse pain medication and pitocin during labor until it's totally and completely out of my control.  But drugs for a stuffy nose? Bring it. Bring all of it. And fast.

After the bawling, puking, horribly sad and pathetic pukefest-we tried to let Hannah sleep in our bed. She asked and it seemed like a good idea. We haven't co-slept since she was 13 months old and I can't even count the number of times we've gone to bed saying, "I wish Hannah was right here in bed with us." Probably at least once a week for the past year. Thirty minutes of getting slapped in the face, being asked to rub her belly, listening to her talk to herself, and then trying repeatedly to get her to lay back down while she farted in my face and laughed....well maybe it's a good thing our co-sleeping days with her have come to an end. I'm ready for a motionless baby burrito to snuggle up with.

I can't imagine how hard this "past due" time is for someone who actually expects to deliver by or on their due date. I prep myself for this from the moment I find out I'm pregnant. I've been saying "late February or early March" for months. And it still sucks.

Even though my doctor's appointment Monday was already at 40 weeks, 1 day-it was surprisingly uneventful. Baby looked good. Blood pressure is fine. Very little swelling-nothing to be concerned about. And then, "See you next week!".

Acupuncture for the third time this afternoon! I've been massaging my acupressure points for days. The never-ending rain here has prevented me from walking-but it finally let up and I got a good walk in last night with a friend. I'm trying to eat an entire pineapple but it makes my tongue itch so I have to stop after just a few pieces. I will finish that thing eventually though. Lots of crawling, pelvic rocks, squats. Evening primrose oil. Then there's that whole "increasing your levels of oxytocin and taking advantage of the natural prostaglandins found in semen".....which will become increasing difficult in the days ahead if both parties have colds.

Target retail therapy isn't any fun when you don't have money. But we did snag an awesome humidifier in the shape of an elephant yesterday.

Hannah's newest phrase is "Oh my dosh!" Cutest thing ever.

And she hates having her nose wiped so much that if she tries to stop me from whatever task I am doing all I have to say is, "I'm gonna wipe your nose" and she runs off into her room and plays quietly to avoid me. Bad mother? Or incredibly smart one?

This song is getting me through today. Everything really is His. This baby. This labor. It's all His and all for Him. If I stay focused on that maybe I won't go completely insane.

But it's not likely.

Not Crazy

I used to think that couples who met online were a little crazy. Not a lot crazy, just a little crazy.

That was before I made "blog friends". Those blog friends became "facebook friends" and then a few of those facebook friends have turned into real life friends. Isn't that nuts?

Like last summer-when Hannah and I drove five hours to hang out with three women we had never actually met. So much fun. Not at all crazy.

And this past weekend I had the absolute honor of hanging out with Karen and her family while they welcomed sweet Hannah Clare into the world. Hannah and I arrive about an hour before baby Hannah was born. We hung out with Mary Grace (Karen's one year old) in the living room while mama labored in the tub. Although I didn't get a chance to see Karen during labor, I could definitely hear her :) And I got to hear that sweet little baby cry through the door. The cry that said, "I'm here! No more pain! It's over and I'm here!"

The whole experience confirmed that choosing natural birth is definitely not crazy. Karen was up, walking around, and getting up and down on her own within an hour of the birth. You would have never known she just had a baby. Love that quick recovery!

Then for the next three days I got to pretend I was a postpartum doula and cook, clean, and hopefully make Karen's life easier. And watch Hannah and Mary Grace become best friends.

So no, I don't think people who meet online are crazy. Unless Karen and I are crazy. She did have a homebirth after all. But no, I don't think that's crazy either.

Thoughts on Birth

Hiring a doula was the single best decision we made when it came to our birth. At times, I felt like we were going overboard. I felt like it would be a waste of money. I was almost embarrassed for making such a big deal out of the birth. But when it was all said and done-she was amazing! If we were rich people, we would have paid her a thousand dollars! What a shame that the doctor, who came in just moments before Hannah was born, is going to get more money than Alison, who went without sleep for 24 hours to help make Hannah's birth a great experience.

I wouldn't have traded my clear mind and the feeling of her moving through and out of my body for any pain relief in the world.

Yes, it was painful. But I would never use words like excruciating or overwhelming. It really, really wasn't that bad. Really.

We got the Explanation of Benefits from the insurance company and saw how much everything costs. Wow! And to think it would have been even HIGHER if I had opted for medication or ended up with a C-section. Just another benefit of drug free...

The entire labor and delivery was MUCH harder mentally than it was physically. Staying positive, making the right decisions, staying awake and motivated were the real challenge. Contractions were hard. Worrying about when the contractions were going to get regular/closer/stronger was much harder.

Did I mention I'm glad we had a doula?

A natural birth would be completely awful if you didn't have a supportive husband. Ted worked his butt off during our pregnancy. He knew his stuff! The signs of labor, emotional signposts, possible positions-everything! Going through those two days together was the best thing for our marriage. What was a strong, happy, and holy relationship is now even stronger, happier, and holier. Point blank: I could not have done it without him.

The relaxation practice really did help! I'll admit I had my doubts. The Bradley class just kept emphasizing relaxation but in my head I was thinking, "There's gotta be more to it than that!". Nope. That's really it. I relaxed my contractions away.  We practiced identifying tension and relaxing it away for months. Ted put ice cubes on my wrists and guided me through tons of different visualizations to help me relax through the pain. And while I sometimes felt silly for practicing relaxation-it worked.

I'm also glad we took the exercises so seriously. Squatting, butterflies, kegels, pelvic rocks. I believe that the only reason I was able to push for 40 minutes while squatting was because I had been doing squats almost daily since August. When the big day came I couldn't run a marathon, bench-press my weight, or even do a simple push-up. But my body was in perfect shape for labor. And that's all that mattered.

One thing I wish I had been more diligent about is perenneal massage. I hardly did it because I kept forgetting. Recovery would have been a lot faster if it wasn't for that second degree tear...

I have no idea if all the raspberry tea and evening primrose oil did anything. I guess I'll never know!

That's all!

Welcoming Hannah: A Birth Story (Part Two)

Read Part One here.

I was nervous about handling contractions in the car-as I wouldn't have Ted to lean on to.

Alison-She asked if I had any advice for handling contractions in the car.  I looked her square in the face and said, “It’s a ten minute ride that you have to make”.  She nodded and said, “So that means it’ll probably be 3 contractions in the car”.  I replied, “And then you’ll be there.”

I prayed a quick prayer asking God to lighten my contractions until we got to the hospital. It worked. I only had one contraction during the 10 minute drive and I handled it like a pro. On the way to the hospital I got the urge to roll down the window and give Alison a thumbs up as she drove her car behind ours. I thought that it was funny that I was still in that good of a mood but decided not to do it. For some reason, I thought that it seemed cocky and I would regret having such a confident attitude about my mood this late in labor.

Ted-She handled the contraction in the car really well. She was completely relaxed and calm. She started to pray a Hail Mary but wasn't able to finish it so I finished it for her and that made her really happy.

The drive to the hospital was actually soothing. The road was hilly and had just been resurfaced. I thought it felt like a roller coaster and actually enjoyed having the contractions while driving. I remember thinking, “I wish the hospital was farther away-this is relaxing!”

On the way to the hospital I realized I had forgotten the journal with the prayer requests. I was so upset, but knew there was nothing I could do about it. I spent the rest of labor offering up suffering "for all the people in the book" and for the few intentions that stood out in my memory. It wasn't what I had wanted-but I'm sure God heard my prayers.

When we got to the hospital I had a contraction in the parking lot. Ted knelt down on the concrete and let me drape my body over his to relax through the contraction.

We walked calmly into the Emergency Room carrying as many bags as we could hold. 

Ted-The door to the ER was really heavy and she couldn't push it open. I said, "If ever there was a place for an automatic door-this would be it!"

I checked myself in and talked to the girls at the desk. The counter was high and the perfect height for me to rest on during contractions. I asked if I could stand by the desk instead of waiting in a chair and they said it was fine. I had a contraction right there at the desk and in the middle of it I realized I was blocking other people from checking in. I moved away from the desk and thought it was pretty strange that I was still so considerate of others in the middle of a contraction.

An aide came in with a wheelchair and asked me to get in. I wanted to walk but knew it was a really long way so I sat down. I politely asked the aide to take it slow and stop if I had a contraction so I could relax through it. She was all drama and replied, "No way! We've gotta get you up to that room! We'll go so fast you won't even gonna have time for a contraction!" She ticked me off. Thankfully-I didn't have any contractions during the wheelchair ride.

When we got to labor and deliver I immediately recognized the nurse's face. It was the same nurse that had given us our tour of the hospital and I was very excited about this. A second nurse came in and I read her name badge: Hannah! I told her that was our "girl name" and I was glad that she was here.

At that point, I started crying. Someone, I can't remember who, asked me what was wrong. “I'm just so excited to be here!” I replied through my tears. It had suddenly dawned on me that my baby was going to be born in this room. I was overwhelmed with joy.

We talked with the nurses about the labor so far and they politely got quiet when I had a contraction. I continued to lean on Ted and hum to get through it and then went back to talking to the nurses.  I changed into the gown and they strapped the monitor on my stomach.  They also put in my heparin lock, in place of an IV. 

Then it was time to get checked. I'm not sure what number I was hoping for-but it definitely wasn't the one I heard.

4 or 5 cm.

I felt like I had been hit upside the head! We had been in active labor for 15 hours and I was a 4 or 5?? I was devastated. The nurse told me that the baby was still very high (she had been a -3 station just four days before) and that my water was still intact. She said that if my water broke to call her immediately because there could be cord issues since she was still so high in the pelvis.

Only a 4 or 5 with my bag of waters intact-I was definitely regretting coming to the hospital so soon!

What I thought was my water leaking was actually urine. My contractions were pressing on my bladder and I didn't realize I had actually been peeing on myself for the past two days! Thank goodness I had pre-purchased those Depends!

My mom and sister came in at this point and it was great to see them! They were so excited and in such great moods. They had a lot more energy than we had and it really woke me up and got me going.

We went over our birth plan with the nurse. She had already read it and was comfortable

with everything in it. I told her, "Don't offer me meds in my moment of weakness!" She smiled and promised me she wouldn't. I asked who the doctor on call was and they told me it was Dr. B. Praise God! If I couldn't have MY doctor-this was the second best! All the fear I had had over the last several months of fighting with an over zealous and intervention happy doctor were gone! The nurses were obviously excited about this as well-they told me that Dr. B and my doctor were "one in the same".

The nurses arranged with Dr. B to only check my vitals once an hour on the hour. That meant not having to wear the blood pressure cuff! Our birth plan stated that we preferred 15 minutes external fetal monitoring per hour and everyone was fine with this. Our nurse said that she would turn the monitor on at the top of every hour and that we could unplug it ourselves after 15 minutes. The cords were plenty long enough to allow me to still walk around the room and the belt wasn't uncomfortable at all. Perfect!

The doctor come by a few minutes later to see how we were doing. He was very respectful and waited until after my contractions were over before speaking with me. It was obvious that we didn't really need anything at this point so he left us alone until it was pushing time. After he made a comment that really got me down though. "Looks like we'll have this baby sometime tomorrow morning." he said. Definitely not what I wanted to hear after already being in labor for 15 hours (39 if I had realized that Saturday was early labor).

The nurse brought me some water and I munched on trail mix to keep from getting too hungry. One time the nurse walked in right as I had grabbed a big handful. I had to hide it under my thigh and to keep her from finding out. I felt very sneaky.

Once my mom and sister left we got down to work. We knew the baby was still high and were determined to bring her down. Lots of pelvic rocks on the birth ball and squatting during contractions. When our  nurse came in only an hour later at 6:00 she had to move the monitor several inches lower because the baby had dropped! Progress!

The nurse came in again at 7:00 and told us it was the end of her shift. I made her promise to get me another good nurse and she assured me that "all the weekend nurses are good and laid back." Our new nurse was wonderful as well. And by wonderful, I mean did next to nothing which is what we wanted. She came in on the hour, waited for my contractions to stop before she started speaking, and left us alone. She never offered to check us or asked me if I needed any medication. Perfect.

To help my discouragement at this point, I texted a few friends and asked them to keep praying. I never thought I would have the frame of mind to text during labor, but I was still completely with it and lucid. One of the friends I texted was Lauren, among several other prayer warriors that I knew would come through for me.

For the next few hours we fell into a great rhythm. Ted sat across from me on the birth ball or stood and held me up as I squatted and swayed through contractions. My mom brought Ted and Alison some food from McAlister's and they took turns leaving the room to eat it. When Alison was out of the room I was very cuddly with Ted. Honestly, I just wanted to make out with him. I was so in love with him and grateful for how hard he was working and how well he was coaching me through it all. I was, and still am, amazed at his strength and gentleness.

As the evening progressed I got more and more discouraged. Contractions were still very irregular and weren't getting any stronger. Looking back, I think I was just getting better and better at relaxing through them and making my body completely limp to minimize the pain. They may have been getting stronger, but I compensated by getting better. But it seemed we had hit a brick wall.

As 9:00 pm approached we discussed the possibility of getting checked. I was getting very tired and having a hard time keeping my spirits up. Ted and I were cautious to be checked frequently, as we didn't want anyone labeling us as "failure to progress" and pushing unnecessary interventions. With Alison's help, we decided that when the nurse came in at 9:00 we would ask to be checked. If I was much further (8 cm or so) we would keep plugging away. If I hadn't progressed much, we would take a break and re-energize.

The nurse checked me at 9:00.

Six and a half.

Four stinking hours for 1.5 cm. I was not happy.

As much as I had mentally prepared myself to not let the dilation discourage me-it was hard to stay positive after working so hard and making such little progress. It was at this point I told Ted and Alison, "I'm sad because I want the epidural." I didn't want it for the pain. I could handle the pain. I wanted it because I just wanted to fall asleep and wake up and have my baby. I was tired of working so hard and feeling as if my body wasn't responding. Ted told me, "You don't really want it because you know it's not what's best for our baby." I knew he was right and I thanked him.

I stayed in the bed and tried to fall asleep. Ted sat by my head and stroked my hair and Alison gave me a foot and leg massage. I managed to doze for about 20 minutes, waking up and relaxing through contractions. After the short nap, we were ready to get serious.

 Alison-AT this point I stepped in more than I had thus far.  Her emotions and exhaustion (and Ted’s) were waning so I started talking to Kaitlin a lot more and reminding her of her body’s unknown strength.  At one point I asked them if we had the Powerade, and Ted said the ice chest was in the car.  It was okay with Kaitlin that Ted leave to go get it.  I thought this was best as it forced him to take a short break and get some fresh air.  While he was out I stepped in to take his place as Kaitlin’s post during contractions.  We got into a really good rhythm and the energy in the room got really soft and light.  I could feel her sinking into each contraction.  When Ted got back he had a little freshness to him and fixed a drink for Kaitlin which seemed to really help.

We knew that nipple stimulation was powerful and effective and that we would have to continue doing it if we wanted to produce stronger contractions. Alison encouraged me and Ted to keep the stimulation going during the contractions, rather then stopping for them. It was hard. It was painful. But we did it.

Alison- They questioned whether to be checked at 11:00 pm and Ted recommended they wait til midnight.  After the longs hours of labor he was still on top of his game, thinking clearly and asking the right questions.

At midnight we asked to get check again.

8cm!

I was so excited. As soon as the nurse announced the number my face lit up and I said, "It's too late for an epidural!!" I was so encouraged and excited to get that far drug free and now had no doubt that I would make it to the end.

I went to the bathroom for the hundredth time and while I was sitting there I realized it was after midnight and thus the next day. "Ted!" I yelled, "it's February 7th!!" February 7th was his guess for the day the baby would be born. Mine was February 10th. For some reason, that gave me a huge push to get moving. I walked out of the bathroom with sheer determination on my face. I was scared, but I was going to break my water one way or another.

I checked my phone to see if anyone had texted back and saw that I had a text from Lauren from several hours earlier. She wrote: "Keep feeling led to pray for COURAGE for you. You are filled with the Holy Spirit. TAKE COURAGE!"

I knew it was exactly what I needed. Courage. I must have courage. I repeated the word to myself over and over again.

“Courage. Courage.”

I sat on the birth ball and did the biggest pelvic rocks I could manage. It didn't take long.

Water!

Just a little bit at first, then a little more. When I stood up it gushed onto the floor. The nurse walked in just a minute later, a little after 1:00 am, and confirmed that my water had broken. She checked me and announced I was at 9.5 cm with just a little bit of a cervical lip. She asked if I wanted her to try to move it over the baby's head and I said, "Yes!" As soon as she did I started feeling the urge to push. I didn't say anything at first. One of my fears was that I would start pushing too early and the doctor would put a time limit on pushing before suggesting a cesarean.  With the nurse out of the room, I told Alison and Ted that I think I wanted to push and they suggested I just go with it. It didn't take long to realize that I did, in fact, need to start pushing.

We called the nurse and things started happening so fast. They set the birth bar up and broke down the delivery bed. The bar went over the end of the bed and would be used to hold myself up during squatting. The assistant nurse commented that in her ten years on labor and delivery she had only seen the birth bar used two or three times. That excited me. I felt special.

As they were rushing around getting everything together, I started getting nervous. I was worried that I was jumping the gun again and it wasn't really time. I was worried that it was my mind playing a trick on me because I wanted to have the urge to push but didn't really have it.

Before I got up on the bed, I asked if I could take my hospital gown off. It wasn't bothering me, but I remember thinking, "I don't want anything to be between me and my baby when they place her on my chest."

As the nurses were finishing things up, Alison stood at the edge of the bed and got my attention. I think she saw the fear in my face. She looked me in the eye and said, "You need to be a lion".

Lion. Courage. TAKE COURAGE.

I knew I could do this. God told me I could do this.

I sat in the bed, propped up with pillows. When a contraction came, Ted and Alison helped to lift me up into a squatting position on the edge of the bed. I concentrated on squatting as low as I possible could while draping my body over the birth bar. Ted was on my left. Alison on my right. In between contractions they would help me back down onto the bed to rest. Another contraction would come and I would hoist my body back up onto the bar.

 My legs were so far apart that my feet were almost off the bed. Thank goodness I had practiced squatting for so many months!

Alison-As she started to push she did exactly what I had hoped- she pushed quietly.  Instead of wasting that energy out of her mouth, she reigned it in and focused it all on that baby.

Alison reminded me to take a deep breath at the beginning of the contraction and push for as long as I could. She told me to keep my lips loose and my voice low. I managed to push silently for almost all of the contractions. It was very calm. Very quiet.

During one push the assistant nurse looked at my stomach and said, "Oh it's gonna be a big baby!" I shot her an evil glance and with my eyes I said, "And you just watch me push it out!" No one was going to tell me that my baby was too big. I knew my baby would be the perfect size for her mommy.

Ted-I was upset with the nurse for saying something so stupid while Katie was pushing. Then I realized it gave her even more motivation to push harder.

Twenty minutes or so into pushing I was suddenly unsure of what to do. As I sat in the bed waiting for a contraction I was overcome with this feeling that I wouldn't know what to do. I quickly shook the thought from my head and reminded myself that I was already doing it! I have courage. I am a lion. I started chanting, "I can do this. I can do this. I can do this!"

I realized that my body was doing exactly what it needed to do without my having to think about it. I felt as if I was perfectly designed for this. I knew my body wouldn't fail me.

Alison-As she continued to push I was taken aback by her transformation from an adorable, tiny little smiley woman to an absolute goddess warrior.  Beautiful, glowing…these words don’t even begin to express what I was seeing.  The surgical light shining on her just made the scene even more serene.  She just exuded an unbelievable strength which was apparent even between contractions.

The nurses brought the mirror over and I got to see what everyone else had been seeing: A completely naked woman with a giant stomach squatting on the edge of the bed pushing silently while holding onto a bar. Quite a sight.

As I pushed I felt the baby move lower and lower. During some of the pushes I felt the head drop within my birth canal. I wasn't silent on those pushes. I let out a low roar that seemed to make the push stronger. I shifted my weight from side to side to keep my legs from giving out.

The nurses saw that it was getting close and called the doctor. After a few minutes, he still wasn't there. They called again I could tell they were getting nervous. I overheard them saying that he had fallen asleep and didn't get the call. Our nurse looked at me like a deer in headlights.  I know that she was thinking she was going to have to catch this baby. It didn't bother me a bit-I had such peace. I literally looked straight at her and said, "It's ok." Me-reassuring the nurse!

The doctor walked in right as the head was crowning. Ted walked around and looked at her. I touched her black hair and just stared. I said, "It burns!" but in my head I was thinking, "So this is the Ring of Fire? It's not nearly as bad as I thought it would be..." I was expecting it to feel like someone was holding a torch to my bottom, but it just felt like a strong stinging sensation.

After the next push I looked over at Ted and saw tears in his eyes. I knew exactly what he was thinking. He was in awe with the realization that he was about to meet his baby. He was so proud of me. He was so in love with me. His eyes said it all.

Ted-During the pushing Katie was so determined. She just stared at our baby in the mirror and locked her eyes on the little patch of head. The expression on her face was indescribable. It was "other worldly." Her eyes were saying "every phone call, every doctor's visit, every blood draw and ultrasound, every dollar spent-and it was finally here. I'm going to push this baby out!" She was zoned in on the baby. It was as if she didn't see or hear anything else-she and the baby were all that existed.

Even with the head crowning, contractions were still irregular. The doctor suggested trying nipple stimulation and that brought another contraction almost immediately. I knew we were close. In between a contraction I remembered one of the fill-in-the-blank questions in our Bradley Childbirth workbook. "Push to the point of __comfort__" I consciously said to myself, "Screw comfort! I want to meet my baby!" With the next contraction I pushed the head out. I obviously couldn't sit back down, so I stood up on the bed holding onto the birth bar. I don't even remember pushing again, her body just seemed to slide out.

I delivered my baby while standing on the bed!

As soon as the body was out I fell back into the pillows and the doctor immediately placed the baby on my chest. I will never forget seeing those two big beautiful eyes looking up at me. Absolutely gorgeous. The doctor laid the baby belly down-so we couldn't tell if it was a boy or girl. Ted had wanted to announce the sex to me but he couldn't see! I reached my hand between the little legs and yelled, "It's a girl! Am I right?" The nurses told me I was right and for the first time I knew that Little Wiggle had been a girl all along.

"Daughter. I have a daughter."

Alison-the rest of the baby slipped out, Kaitlin sat back absolutely overcome with joy.  There wasn’t even a “catch my breath” moment.  She immediately scooped that baby up and fumbled around to announce it was a girl.  Ted was smiling ear to ear, speechless.

They wrapped warm blankets over us and I snuggled that gooey little girl with everything I had. She grabbed my finger and looked right at me. She found her way to my breast and latched on without any help from me. When her daddy said her name she recognized his voice among everyone in the room and turned to him. It was astounding.

The doctor waited until the cord stopped pulsing before showing Ted how to cut it. I delivered the placenta easily and naturally just a few minutes later. Everything had gone exactly as we had hoped.

She was born at 3:02 am on Monday, February 7th. Exactly 48 hours after the first contractions began.

We weren't completely decided on her middle name and when the nurses asked us what her name was, I looked at Ted and said, "Hannah Rose." "Yeah," he said, "Hannah Rose."

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And that is the story of your birth Hannah. It was the best three days of mommy's life.