Saying Sorry

Yesterday was one of those rare days when I was actually able to take a nap while Hannah was napping. It was slightly chilly in the house, I slipped into the covers around lunch time and fell asleep almost instantly. Just a few minutes later I was awoken by the doorbell. Ugh.

I ran to the door to keep the ringer from ringing it again and waking up Hannah. It was a young male realtor and an older man-they had come to look at our duplex.

Our duplex has been up for sale since we moved in (it's managed by a property management company and the owner just collects her money) but no one has come to look at it. The management company promised us we would get 24 hours notice if anyone ever came to see the place.

This was NOT 24 hours. I was half asleep, the place was a mess, and my little girl was sleeping in one of only two bedrooms.

The realtor apologized and asked if the man could just see the kitchen. I let him in, although I felt very uncomfortable about the whole thing, and they left right away.

Later than afternoon, I called our property manager to give her a piece of my mind.

"I'm very upset. I was not notified. I was alone and my daughter was sleeping. This is unacceptable."

She apologized and assured me it wouldn't happen again.

When Ted got home later that night, I started ranting about it to him.....for about five seconds.

"She called my phone instead of yours. I told her I would tell you. I forgot. I'm sorry."

Crap. Well now I'm just a jerk. I felt bad that I had blamed the wrong person and told myself I would call her in the morning. I didn't really want to admit I was wrong-but I knew I had to own up to it.

When I called her and explained the situation she was very understanding and glad that it was just a misunderstanding. I almost ended the conversation there but I realized I hadn't actually apologized yet. I had excused, but not apologized.

"I'm sorry I blamed you. I'm sorry I accused you of not notifying me."

Forgiven. Done.

After the phone conversation I reflected on the difference between explaining what had happened and actually saying sorry for it. I could have easily just left it at the explanation-the manager didn't seem to mind-but she was owed a real apology. Out loud. With the words, "I'm sorry" coming out of my mouth.

And even though it was a bit uncomfortable-I gave her what she was owed.

And so it is with God. I offend Him countless times a day. I rationalize and explain away my behavior in my head. Sometimes I remember to tell Him I'm sorry in my prayers. But I need to do more. He's owed the same respect as my property manager-to hear me say the words, "I'm sorry." Out loud. And mean it.

Ah, confession. How I love thee. A chance to really tell God I'm sorry. To admit my faults out loud and not just in the clean, comfortable environment within my head. Jesus certainly knew what He was doing when He established this Sacrament.

And even though it was a little uncomfortable to tell the woman I was sorry, the words still came out of my mouth without too much effort. I think it's because I've had 18 years of practice apologizing to God. I've learned how to say sorry, how to ask for forgiveness. I've received the healing power of His forgiveness and heard the words, "Your sins are forgiven."

Having the opportunity to apologize to our property manager has me craving a good confession now. Forgiveness just feels so good.