Death at Walmart

Our morning trip to Walmart was eye opening. The kind of eye opening that you wish you could un-see. Because my eyes were opened to a world that I wish didn't exist.

After grabbing a few midweek groceries (and spending a lot of time watching Hannah show me how to put the limes in the bag sloooooowly) (the limes are for margaritas, definitely worth a mid week grocery trip) we headed to the other side of the store to get a few random items. Tissue paper, aluminum foil, eye drops. And that's when I saw it. Right next to the eye drops on the second highest shelf amongst the pregnancy tests and ovulation predictor kits.

Plan B. On the shelf. Just waiting to be picked up by some poor, desperate woman trying to escape her pain.

I mean, I know it's available over the counter now. I've known this for a while. But reading a news article (how many years ago did I even read that?) is easy to forget. It's easy to be outraged at what I see on the screen, but then eventually I have to go about my day and I sort of just forget about it. But this was the real thing, right in front of my face. At eye level and dressed up in a pretty pink and purple box.

After the eye drops, we went back to check out the prices on bikes. Hannah's been watching the bigger kids ride bikes on our street every night with a look in her eyes that says, "they must be having more fun than I could ever imagine having!" Of course she found one she loved and of course I let her try it out and of course she threw a fit when I tried to get her back in the cart. So ya know what? I just bought the bike. Ted's been asking me to keep my eyes out for a cheap one at a consignment store or Craigslist. But sometimes you just can't wait for the deal. Sometimes you just gotta bite the bullet and fork over 40 bucks for a bike. (40 bucks, am I the only one who thinks that's a helluva lot of money??)

The bike went into the cart. The girl happily skipped beside me for the rest of the trip. And on the way home she said repeatedly, "We buy a bite! I yite (like) my bite!"

Paul, well he got nothing. But look how happy he was about it!

To think that "emergency contraceptive" (read: death pill for an itty bitty baby) is sitting on the shelf at the Walmart just down the street makes me sick. To think that I, a Walmart shopper armed with a little bit of cash, could pick up that pretty pink and purple box and kill my newly conceived child is mind boggling. Only myself and some clueless Walmart checker would know. It would be so easy. So cheap. So "painless".

To think I could have snuffed out these little lives with the swipe of my card and washed them down with a glass of water. A precious little baby, who won't ever get to ride her first bike. Or turn heads with his adorable smile. A mother who will never know her baby. And who probably needs a lot more help than that little box could ever offer her. A father who doesn't even know he could be a dad.

When death can be purchased over the counter off a Walmart shelf for $49.95, well that's just the end of moral civilization as we know it. And if it's not, then I'm absolutely terrified of what's still to come.

What I Wore Sunday and for our Due Date Night (3)

Happy Due Date to us! Only a few hours left in the day, so I'm going to safely assume that this baby will not be coming on the 24th. Today's my dad's birthday too-bummer.  But even though there isn't a gooey baby in my arms, today was still a great day. First, Mass. Linking up here again-I guess I'm officially hooked.

Dress: Gap Maternity-free from a friend during one of our awesome clothing exchanges. Best idea EVER! It's the same dress I wore to Mass last Sunday. And to my baby shower the day before that....I better not have to wear it next Sunday.

Sweater-Maurices, years ago.

Tights: Walmart

Shoes: consignment

Undershirt: Half-tees. Best invention ever.

Do gray and brown even match? I wasn't sure. But I don't like the way this dress looks with black either. If I had white tights and shoes-I would have gone with that.

Hannah's dress: Calvin Kline-consignment. Obviously.

Tights: Walmart

Sweater: Children's Place

Shoes: Babies R Us. Too small. Dangit-the girl needs all new shoes.

And now, for a 40 week bump picture:

Significantly bigger than Hannah's 40 week picture. But my face isn't puffy yet like it was then. I DID have to take my wedding ring off yesterday. That happened the day before labor with Hannah. So here's hoping something's gonna happen soon!

The rest of the day was spent napping and relaxing on the back porch. This evening, Ted and I were able to go out for our traditional Due Date Night. It's a tradition if you do it twice right? 

Dress: Same! I wore it with a cute white sweater that I forgot to put on for the picture. I had some cute shoes to go with it, but ended up wearing my comfy athletic flip flops. I doubt anyone cared....

Our wonderful friends watched Hannah for us so we could wallow in the fact that we're still pregnant enjoy each other's company before the baby takes over our lives. First, we joined the 40 Days for Life campaign and prayed outside the local abortion clinic. Unfortunately, it was lightning and hailing during our hour-so we had to pray from the car. We parked in the clinic's parking lot (probably not supposed to do that...) and it really hit me hard to think how many women sat in their cars in that very spot. Wondering if they should go in. Scared. Confused. Pressured. The irony of me sitting there with my 40 week belly was not lost. Hopefully we can go back again after the baby's born. Preferably when it's not hailing.

We finished the date with delicious steaks, great conversation, and 5 glasses of blackberry sweet tea (all for me).

Prayers appreciated for the week that lies ahead of us! A doctor's appointment tomorrow morning, a visit with an acupuncturist in the afternoon. But my fingers are still crossed that something will happen tonight and we'll get to skip both of those...

My Heavy Heart

Oh so much to say. What really needs to be said? What should I just keep to myself? Who is even reading this blog anyway? Are all those family and friends who disagree with me gone-did they leave long ago?

I don't want to write about the horrible election results. But I don't want to not write about it and go on blogging as if nothing has happened. Something has happened. Even if that something is just a continuation of the crappiness we already had.

It's an understatement to say that my heart is heavy. My spirit crushed.  Not just because Obama was re-elected, but because people actually wanted it to happen. I'm sad that people actually voted for him. Put their stamp of approval on a man who is bringing such serious evil to our country. Even one vote for him is too many. This is the direction our nation is choosing-the Democratic platform of abortion, euthanasia, gay "marriage", perpetual welfare. How can my country desire these things? Where have all the Christians gone?

A friend on facebook (a liberal friend who I really get along with) posted on my facebook wall: Lets work together for the good. Take a positive approach and lets make progress. Don't give up.

And I know she meant well, but all I could think was, "Work together for the good??? How is that possible when we have completely different ideas of good?"

No, we cannot work together with people whose goals are completely different from ours. We cannot work together with those who desire a completely different nation. I see talk of "compromise" and "why can't we all just be purple instead of red and blue" and it's just such total crap. Compromise? What's the compromise between wanting abortion to safe, legal, celebrated, and paid for with my money and wanting abortion to be non-existent? How do we work together for the good when I value religious freedom and you value free birth control? There is no working together with those who do not truly desire good, but only what they perceive as good-which is clearly and absolutely evil.

So work together for energy independence, immigration reform, rebuilding our economy-yes of course.  But if you think those things are what this election was about you are sorely mistaken.

But I will listen to part of my friend's advice. I will not give up. Ever.

I fear for our country. I fear that Hannah will never grow up in the Christian nation that I knew as a child. I fear we will never go back to that country and our rights and freedoms will continue to be stripped away in the name of "tolerance" and "choice".

I fear that I'm inadequate to raise children who are capable of withstanding the assaults that are ahead. Can I truly raise martyrs? Am I even strong enough to be a martyr myself? Maybe not to death, but to jail? Or to joblessness? What will I be asked to sacrifice for my faith? And I'm sure some will read this and think I'm being melodramatic and that it can't possibly come to that. I hope you're right. But I believe you're wrong. It's already happening.

Yesterday was a very hard day. I fought back tears in the morning and let them go in the afternoon. I hugged Hannah and told her I loved her ten times more than usual. I was blessed to participate in a woman's night with our Families Following Christ group. We didn't have to skirt around the issue-we dived right in. We knew that not a single one of us voted for Obama and his agenda of lies. It wasn't  what was best for our families or for following Christ. And the wisdom of these beautiful woman helped me greatly.

As Catholics, we welcome the suffering. The persecution. The attacks that lie ahead. Saints will be made. Families will be divided. But God's will will be done.

My goal hasn't changed just because half of our nation chose death Tuesday. Half of "Catholics" chose death Tuesday. And half of my gender "voted with their lady parts" instead of their hearts and heads. My goal is still heaven. And Obama is probably doing me a real favor by making my path to heaven a little easier. Because everyone's path must involve suffering. And we're going to get our fair share.

Some have said that we can "turn it around" at the midterm elections. That we just need to "get through these next four years" and it will all be ok. But electing a Republican president in four years is not the answer. My hope does not, nor has it ever, lied in the Republican party. They are far, far greater than the Democrats that is for sure. But they will only slow down the train wreck that our country is headed for. My hope must lie in Jesus. I must conform my heart to His. And I have Obama to thank for renewing my conviction to my Church,  my God, and my love for this country. But also for my heavy, hurting heart.

Ahhhhh!

I feel like the only sane person in a room full of idiots.

“Covering birth control with no co-pays means college students will not have to choose between paying for tuition and books, or paying for basic health care like birth control.”

Does anyone actually believe that??? Seriously. Anyone. I want to meet these strange college students who go to their professor and say, "I'm sorry Professor, I couldn't afford the book for your class. I spent my last nine dollars on birth control at Target so I could have sex without consequences. If only the Catholic Church would pay for it! Then I would be able to afford a quality education!"

Obama has gone off the deep end. I hope his followers jump ship before they're dragged down into the absolute rotten stink that is his administration.

They are taking our freedom. And millions are cheering them on.

Oh the Internet

Is it just me or did the internet get bigger this week?

It's just me?

Oh.

I'm not sure why-but I'm suddenly very overwhelmed by the amount of information on the internet. I almost feel as if I'm suffocating but I can't turn it off. And most of what I'm reading is good. So good. So good in fact, I want to share it with the world. And I think that's my problem.

So much of my faith in humanity is being shattered by the people who are actually for this evil and oppressive HHS mandate. Real people! With real brains! And they just don't get it. I will read a great article or blog post that articulates what I'm thinking exactly and I want to share it with the world. I want to plaster it on my facebook page and singlehandedly force everyone single one of my friends to read it word for word. "Surely they will come to their senses if they read this," I think. "There's just no valid argument against this!"

But that's just not how it works. Yes we hear stories of how someone stumbled on a blog, read something amazing, and had their life changed as a result. But I'd venture to say that's not typical. Real change comes from relationships. It comes from seeing an example in someone day after day after day. And that's hard.

It's hard to know that people are so wrong and I can't do anything to make them realize that. I'm not just talking about the mandate (but that has brought the issue of birth control and the sacredness of human life to the forefront). I'm talking about everything. Women that completely misunderstand what it means to be a woman. Protestants that severely misunderstand what the Catholic Church really teaches. Mothers who don't understand what a gift each baby is, planned or unplanned.

I don't really know where I'm going with this.

I want so badly to convince people of the beauty and truth of goodness of the teachings of the Catholic Church. I want to refer them to every wonderful, perfectly written article I've read and have their hearts be transformed. I could link to probably two dozen great posts I've read just this week and hope that readers (especially those who disagree with me) would read them. But would it do any good?  I feel like my voice is drowning. Getting lost in the absolutely huge wealth of information out there. Can I really change hearts? Can I really be a witness to truth?

Sometimes I just want to argue with people. I want them to talk to me until they understand what they're missing. But people can't be won with arguments or conversations, although those certainly have their place. So how am I suppose to win them? How I do witness to facebook friends who are so lost and confused? How do I sort through the overwhelming number of blog posts and really take something away from it all? I feel like it's all just preaching to the choir. And I'm singing my heart out but there are so many around me who haven't joined in the song.

Ugh. It's so hard not to get discouraged. And overwhelmed. Come Holy Spirit. Veni Sancte Spiritus.

image credit

Quick Takes (33)

-1-

My parents are on their way to Florida as I type! Grandma and Grandpa couldn't stay away from their only grandbaby for too long and are making the 13 hour drive to spend the weekend us. Lots of possibilities for the weekend: the beach, a boat ride to see manatees, window shopping, skeet shooting. It will most definitely be too short.

-2-

Leila posted an interesting though in her Quick Takes today. People that are for contraception and support Planned Parenthood always seem to be saying this is about "equal rights for women". But if women need to take a pill or have a surgery to render their bodies "equal" to a man's-it's like we're saying that we are a lesser species. I would argue that we are the crown of God's creation. We have the privilege (note-I did not say right) to carry, bear, and nourish another human being. We are the bearers and nurturers of life! Anyone who feels that we need contraception and abortion in order to be equal to men is very, very mistaken. And confused.

-3-

Am I the only mom who allows their toddler to chew on sticks because at least it means they're not swallowing acorns??

-4-

Speaking of toddlers, I'm pretty sure Hannah found out that she is one now. And it's the most fun I've ever had. She's doing all sorts of "toddler" things-pointing to her mouth and hair, making the sign for monkey, laughing at everything, doing the adorable little toddler-squat while she plays with her toys, clapping and giving high fives, throwing her food on the floor, pretending to sleep when we see someone sleeping in a book, dancing when she hears music, putting together puzzles, and I could go on. She is so. much. fun.

-5-

But you know what's not. so. much. fun? Discipline. How is that I am already having to discipline my sweet baby girl? Whew-it came up so fast. But dangit she knows she's not supposed to play in the trash can! She also knows that she can sometimes get us to crack by smiling as big as she can, scrunching up her nose, and laughing. I'm pretty tough when it comes to discipline, but man I'm gonna have to get tougher!

-6-

We've been in Florida just over a month and have already met so many wonderful people. We've been invited into homes for dinner and fellowship and it's made our adjustment so much easier. Tonight, a young, Catholic couple with a little boy about Hannah's age is having us over for dinner, along with a few other couples our age. We haven't even met them yet-they just heard about us and gave us a call. People are crazy nice. And I'm crazy grateful.

-7-

I've been doing some great things with our family's nutrition since I've stopped working. I've got a post (or several) swirling in my head about it, but for now I'll just tell you that I'm super proud of what's sitting in my fridge right now. Want a hint? It's white, semi-solid, smells amazing, and was "rendered" by me :)

Have a great weekend!

Breaking News

I cannot even believe the news I just read. Did you hear? The Obama administration just issued a press release stating that, beginning in 2013, all Hindu organizations will be required to purchase shares of beef for all of their employees as part of an employee benefit package.

That's outrageous! Aren't Hindus opposed to eating beef? I'm pretty sure they believe the cow to be a sacred animal and do not eat it for this reason. I could be wrong. I haven't ever really researched Hindu beliefs, but I'm pretty sure I heard this somewhere. Maybe they even think that you could go to hell (or the Hindu equivalent perhaps) if you eat beef? I knew a Hindu that ate beef. He said he didn't care that he wasn't supposed to. But I'm pretty sure that makes him a non-practicing Hindu, so should he even call himself a Hindu?

Personally, I think it's kind of dumb. I mean, Ted and I just ordered a half of a steer from a farmer in Georgia. Beef is tasty. And good for you! It has lots of protein and Omega 3s and other good stuff like that. And you can do so much with it-steaks, burgers, meatballs. Beef is really quite amazing. I couldn't imagine my life without beef.

But even though I LOVE beef and think it's the greatest meat ever, I can certainly understand why someone with a different faith could think differently. I don't really understand why Hindus don't eat beef, but I don't really need to in order to respect their faith. If I invited a Hindu over for dinner, I most certainly wouldn't grill burgers.

And now Obama is trying to force Hindus to buy something for their employees that's against their religion? Does anyone else see how scary that is? Isn't there something called the First Amendment that is supposed to keep this kind of thing from happening? 

Ted works for the state of Florida and occasionally they have meals and parties to celebrate certain occasions. The other day they had chili....with hamburger. But I'm pretty sure no one was Hindu so it was ok. But what if Ted worked for a Hindu organization? Would he demand chili at his "holiday" party? Absolutely not. He chose to work for Hindus after all. And working for Hindus means not getting any beef at work. End of story. If he didn't like-well he could just go work someplace else.

I'm not crazy, am I?  I mean, I don't understand why Hindus don't eat beef. I like beef. But I respect their freedom from government intrusion and their right to refuse to buy beef for their employees.

I bet Hindus are pissed.

Oh wait, I'm the one who is pissed.

Because it's not Hindus that Obama is attacking, it's Catholics.

Catholics do not believe that birth control is a moral option. Our Church very clearly teaches that birth control is a mortal sin. If a Catholic commits this sin, under the circumstances for a sin to be considered mortal, the Church teaches that they will go to hell. Intense? Yep. Scary? You betcha.

But Obama is now saying that Catholic organizations must provide contraception for their employees.

So how on earth can the government force a religious organization to pay for something that they believe will send its employees to hell?

I'm outraged.

And you should be too.

Even if you think contraception is the best thing since sliced bread.

Even if you cannot begin to understand the reasons for the Church's teachings.

Can't you show me and my faith a little respect? Can't you give us the freedom to live and worship as we wish? Can't you see that employees of Catholic organizations have the option to work someplace else if they want birth control paid for? No one is forcing them to stay.

It doesn't matter if you don't understand. It doesn't matter if you don't agree. It doesn't matter if you think we're crazy/total whackos/going to hell/hypocritical zealots. What matters is that the government is infringing on our religious liberty in a big, big way.

What makes you think your beliefs aren't next?

"The Catholic Church defends religious liberty, including freedom of conscience, for everyone. The Amish do not carry health insurance. The government respects their principles. Christian Scientists want to heal by prayer alone, and the new health-care reform law respects that. Quakers and others object to killing even in wartime, and the government respects that principle for conscientious objectors. By its decision, the Obama administration has failed to show the same respect for the consciences of Catholics and others who object to treating pregnancy as a disease." (Archbishop Dolan)

What the Hell?

You say that I'm messing with your head

All 'cause I was making out with your friend

Love hurts whether it's right or wrong

I can't stop 'cause I'm having too much fun

You're on your knees

Begging, "Please

Stay with me"

But honestly

I just need to be

A little crazy

All my life I've been good,

But now...

I'm thinking, "what the hell?"

All I want is to mess around

And I don't really care about...

If you love me

If you hate me

You can't save me Baby, baby

All my life I've been good, But now...

What the hell?

[.....]

So what if I go out on a million dates?

You never call or listen to me anyway

I'd rather rage than sit around and wait all day

Don't get me wrong, I just need some time to play

[.....]

You say that I'm messing with your head

Boy, I like messing in your bed

Yeah, I am messing with your head when

I'm messing with you in bed

-What the Hell by Avril Lavigne

Yes, that is a real song. I heard it on the radio yesterday and thought, "She read my mind-I'm thinking what the hell is wrong with her???" A far cry from the innocent Skater Boy of my high school days, this song is absolute smut. I know, I know-I shouldn't be surprised. But I am surprised. I'm completely shocked. And disgusted. And sad.


How in the hell am I supposed to raise my daughter to live a life of virtue in a world that has not only thrown values out the window, but writes songs about how great it is!?


Heaven help me. St. Rose, pray for me.


And to counteract the ugliness and glorification of sin, check out this post by a gay Catholic man. So beautiful. There is hope.