Those Comments

I hate those comments. The ones that are said in passing. As an after thought. As if they're part of a natural, normal conversation.



But the truth behind those comments is disheartening-to say the least.



At our 37 week appointment last Wednesday we met with a different doctor than our usual OB. Our doctor was at the hospital delivering a baby-so we just saw the next available doc. Nice enough. Gave us time to ask questions. Told us to come to the hospital when contractions were eight minutes apart (ha! like that's gonna happen!).



Nothing particularly noteworthy about the visit. Except those dang comments.


The first:
"So, Ted, have you pretty much been a 'yes man' throughout the pregnancy?"


What?? I guess understand his reasons for uttering such a stupid comment. He's bonding with the guy over the rigorous job of having a pregnant wife. He's impressing the woman by making it clear that her husband needs to do her bidding and be at her beck and call. He's making light, casual conversation with two people he's never met before.


But it's more than that. That comment speaks volumes about his view of marriage. The pregnant woman is bossy, demanding, and controlling. It's the husband's job to satisfy her every desire or else face the wrath of her raging hormones. The husband is not the head of the household, but rather a 'yes man' to the whims of his wife.


Sad. Maybe he's in a marriage with a wife that actually treats him that way. Maybe he's seen so many couples in his office that actually act like that that he thinks it's normal. Either way-it's unfortunate.


The second:
At the end of the appointment he holds up my chart and says, "Your chart looks great. You're in great shape. It must be nice to have such a normal, healthy pregnancy."


"Oh yes," I replied. "We're very grateful. It took a lot for us to get pregnant and part of me was worried that since my body didn't know how to get pregnant that it wouldn't know how to be pregnant. We're so fortunate things have been going so well."


And then.... "Now you'll just be hoping your body can figure out how NOT to get pregnant!"


Really?? You think someone that tried as hard as we did to conceive is WORRIED about it happening a second time??  Again, I get the reasoning behind this comment. How many pregnant women he must see in a day that are already asking about birth control before their baby is even born! It's casual, natural conversation for an OB and his patient.


But if you look past the comment-it reveals his thoughts on the gift of a child. Gift-of course children are a gift..... when they're perfectly planned and timed accordingly and come when we want them to. Other than that-we'll just hope your body figures out how not to get pregnant. You wouldn't want all that time and money spent on surgery, testing, and drugs to results in TWO babies!


There are three ways I can think of to handle this type of situation. The first is to nod in agreement and smile politely. I'm definitely guilty of this. Sometimes the words just don't come. Sometimes I don't even realize what I'm nodding along to until it's too late. It leaves the commenter with the impression that I agree with him and his stupid comment. The second is to be defensive and overly corrective-making the commenter keenly aware of his error and his offensive nature. This approach contains a lot of truth, with very little love.


And we are most definitely called to both. Speak the truth-but always, always do so with love. That's the third approach. And it's hard.


Someone reading this may think I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Maybe people think that it is, after all, "just a comment" and that I'm reading too much into it. But my heart and my gut tell me that it's not. It's an attack on marriage. It's an attack on the gift of life. And these kinds of comments are attacking the Christian family on a daily basis.


Everything we do and say, whether directly or indirectly, builds the family up or tears the family down. I want to build.


A month or so ago I used the Saint Generator at Conversation Diary to pick me a Saint for 2011. I got St. John of Kanty. I had never heard of him and, although his story is remarkable, it didn't leave me with a strong connection or an understanding as to why he would have been "chosen" for me. Until the end of the article when I read this quote:


"Fight all error, but do it with good humor, patience, kindness, and love. Harshness will damage your own soul and spoil the best cause."


Oh he's talking straight to me! How many times I try to correct people, to tell them the Truth and spread the message of Christ. And so many times I do so without one ounce of good humor, patience, kindness, or love. So that's my task for this year. Speak the truth and do so with love. It's gonna take a lot of prayer to the Holy Spirit, but so far He's come through alright.


Our response to those comments?
Doctor: So, Ted, have you pretty much been a 'yes man' throughout the pregnancy?
Ted: She's been great. I'm really lucky to have her.
Me: It's been a team effort.


Doctor: Now you'll just be hoping your body can figure out how NOT to get pregnant!
Me: Oh no, we hope so much to be able to have more children. We're so grateful for this baby.


Both were said with a smile on my face and sincere love in my heart. Thanks Holy Spirit.

The Irony of Health Care

I'm angry. And it isn't from the mood swings. I've been following the health care debate very closely since it was first being debated in the House last fall. Today is a big day-the House is set to vote on the Senate bill which DOES use tax payer money to fund abortions. But this post isn't about my opinion of the health care bill (I hate it by the way-our country can do WAY better) or even about the tragedy that is abortion (also hate it-this goes without saying). This anger I'm feeling right now is over the fact that abortion can be covered under ANY insurance policy, period. It doesn't matter if it's federally funded or from private pay-covering abortions under "health care" policies is absolute insanity.

Even if you actually support the "right" for a mother to kill her unborn child or think this health care nonsense is a good idea, follow me for a minute here. A baby's conception is the direct result of a man and a woman's properly functioning reproductive system. Babies are what happens when two fertile people have sex-it's as simple as that. A baby isn't a disease, a disorder, or a symptom. Women who get pregnant (and then abort their baby) have great progesterone and estrogen levels. Their ovaries are producing eggs that mature completely and erupt as they are supposed to. Their uteruses have plenty of healthy lining to support a growing baby. Their ovaries aren't covered with endo or PCOS. And their partner obviously had all of his parts working properly as well! All of the things us infertile women would die to have! These women have NOTHING wrong with their bodies (fertility speaking). Yet, insurance companies will actually pay for a healthy, fertile woman to stop the natural process that comes from her choice to have sex.

I, on the other hand, do have something wrong with my body. I'm filled with endometriosis and empty follicles that don't erupt completely. I have an actual medical condition. And what does my insurance company pay for? Nothing. Zip. Nada. Not a penny. I have a stack of Explanation of Benefits marked with "Denied-Not a Covered Service" big enough to wallpaper our living room! They must love getting claims from me-they know they won't have to pay a cent! Something inside of me isn't working correctly and they refuse to help me fix it. However, if everything inside of me started working correctly and I got pregnant, they would happily cover the cost for me to kill my baby.

Does anyone else see the irony in this??

Perfect fertility-don't want a baby: Covered!

Actual diseases, disorders, and symptoms of infertility-desperately want a baby: Not covered!

And it doesn't stop there. We also had to pay out of pocket for every visit and test that Ted went through when we did his semen analysis. He doesn't even have a problem-we were just checking! Insurance denied every single claim. Had Ted really had a problem with his FSH, motility, or something else-our insurance would still not have paid a dime. Now, flash forward 30 years. Ted's having problems "getting it up" (for lack of a better term). For purely reasons of our desire for pleasure he consults a urologist (let's even say that it's the exact same urologist he saw for his S/A-who was a jerk). Lo and behold! Viagra! And our wonderful, generous, and helpful insurance company steps up and foots the bill. They're so kind!

So what have we learned?

"Male problem" that interferes with pleasure: Covered!

"Male problem" that interferes with procreation: Not covered!

This just makes me sick. I try not to get too mad about when I'm writing the thousandth check to a doctor or hospital. But at the same time, God wants us to be mad about this. It's not ok. It's not part of His plan. I believe he wants us to be outraged about the evil and injustices of the world. Especially as they relate to the question of human life.

And it's not about the money. It's really not. More than I would like to see insurance companies coming to their senses and covering fertility treatment, I would like them to stop covering abortions and treating them like "health care". I will happily spend every last penny I have trying to get pregnant if it means that women who are already pregnant will be encouraged to choose life and not have their abortion paid for by me and the rest of the American taxpayers.

So what am I going to do about it? Well, first off, I'm going to continue to pray for the conversion of our country and all those who willingly take the life of an unborn child. And secondly, I'm going to call every one of the numbers below this afternoon and beg them to vote "no" on this health care atrocity that will results in the lives of countless more babies being killed.

God help us.

Pro-life Democrats that are undecided on how they will vote:
Marion Bery (AR) 202-225-4076
Kathy Dahlkemper (PA) 202-225-5406
Daniel Lipinski (IL) 202-225-5701
Earl Pomeroy (ND) 202-225-2611
Nick Rahall (WV) 202-225-3452
Bart Stupak (MI)202-225-4744
Steve Driehaus (OH) 202-225-2216
Joe Donnelly (IN) 202-225-3915
Jerry Costello (IL) 202-225-5661
March Kaptur (OH) 202-225-4146
Paul Kanjorski (PA) 202-225-6511
Alan Mollohan (WV) 202-225-4172
Mike Michaud (ME) 202-225-6306
Vic Snyder (AR) 202-225-2506
Harry Teague 202-225-2365

In Praise of NaPro Doctors

As I've mentioned in previous posts, Ted and I have sought out and found a wonderful doctor in Jackson, TN. Some people have asked why we would bother driving three hours one way to see a doctor when there are OBs right down the road. My answer: why WOULDN'T we??

Our doctor is a NaPro doctor. NaPro is short for Natural Procreative Technology. NaPro Technology is a woman's health science that seeks to diagnose and treat women's health problems in a way that is fully cooperative with her body. Nothing is supressed or overridden with regards to her God-given gift of her cycle. It is not soley a "Catholic" medicine, however, at the time most of the practioners are Catholic. The following are just a few of the multitude of reasons every woman on the plant should have access to these saintly doctors.

1. Every NaPro doctor I have ever met (three total) has given me more time and attention that every other doctor (probably more than 30) has given me combined! When Ted and I went to our first visit with Dr. G (our current NaPro doctor) we were asked by the nurse, "would you like a glass of water or something. It'll probably be a very long visit." We started talking with Dr. G at 3:00 and didn't leave his office until after it had closed around 5:30. He listened to me tell him my entire medical history, answered every single question we asked, told us all of the options we could pursue, and did so without once leaving the room or making us feel rushed. If you've never been to a NaPro doctor-your jaw is probably on the floor right now.

2. NaPro doctors don't prescribe "medicine" that is harmful to a woman's body and contrary to Church teaching. Birth control does not fix endometriosis. It does not fix painful periods. It merely supresses the symptoms and postpones true healing. And it does so while creating a hostile enviroment to the many, many babies that are conceived despite the pill. [I've even heard one estimation that the average woman on the pill for most of her child bearing years will have an many as seven abortions without ever knowing it.] Most doctors don't tell their patients that one of the ways birth control pills work (especially low dose pills) is to prevent conceived embryoes from implanting into the uterus, thus causing abortion. NaPro doctors tell their patients this. NaPro doctors don't allow women to unknowingly abort their babies. My first NaPro doctor told me that, even if birth control wasn't evil, he would still not prescribe it because it's bad medicine. It's not just immoral, it's unethical. He compared it to having your broken car towed all over town instead of having the engine repaired. "I'm not here to tow your car," he said.

3. NaPro doctors use a woman's unique and unrepeatable biological signs to help them in determining the problem. Every other OB I've ever been to has told me that "progesterone needs to be drawn on day 22 or 23, ovulation always occurs on day 14, etc." That is all based on a 28 day cycle. What woman in the world has a 28 day cycle every single month? In the last 8 months my cycle has been 28 days long only twice. That's only 25% of the time! My NaPro doctor has me keep detailed records of my cycle and all important changes to determine the best days to do bloodwork, ultrasounds, etc. It just makes sense and it's absolute lunacy that doctors still exist in this country that base everything on a 28 day cycle. When I needed to have ultrasounds done on particular days of my cycle and those days fell on the weekend, my doctor understood the importance of those days and came in on Saturday and Sunday when the office was closed to get it done. He even arranged for me to have an ultrasound and bloodwork done on Thanksgiving!

4. In addition to the time and attention our doctor gives us during our visits, he makes sure that we're ok even after we leave his office. I can call and email his nurse with any single question or concern that crosses my mind. He has called me personally after hours to discuss my treatment and talked to me for nearly 30 minutes! He even gave us his cell phone once. When I was experiencing some complications after my surgery, I wrestled with calling for hours before I finally did it. When I did I immediately started apologizing for calling, he completely ignored it and started asking me 20 questions to make sure I was ok. He did not mind in the least that I called. He trusted that I would only have done it if it was absolutely necessary. Since he's three hours away, he's told us that he's willing to do the majority of our treatment monitoring by phone and email. I asked him how that would be billed (as our insurance doesn't cover phone visits-not that it matters, they don't cover fertility anyway). He replied, "Kaitlin, I'm not billing you for this. This is my pleasure." When I said, "Are you sure??" He replied, "Yes, I'm sure. And do not take the fact that I'm not billing you mean that you can't call whenever you want. You call anytime you have questions and I'll answer them."

5. My doctor's primary concern is healing my body so that I can get pregnant and carry a baby to term. It is NOT to get me pregnant at all costs no matter what it takes. He is treating my disease and my symptoms, not pumping me full of medicine without bothering to find out what the actual problem is. He's not sending me on for invitro (which he would never do anyway) without getting to the bottom line about what's really wrong with me.

6. NaPro doctors pray for their clients. This is not to say that other doctors don't-but I've never been told of any other doctor's prayers. Just the other night I was getting off the phone with my doctor (at 7:30 pm) and he said "I'm praying for you and Ted, Kaitlin." I know he means it. My friend Lauren attended a Mass in St. Louis with the archbishop for couples struggling with infertility (in our honor) a few weeks ago. A NaPro doctor was there and read the petitions. Amazing.

Thinking this all sounds too good to be true? It's not. They're real. And anyone whose ever come in contact with one of these great doctors knows exactly what I'm talking about.

Lord, please watch over all NaPro doctors, your most faithful and obedient servents. Bless them abundantly and bring all doctors to know of the truth of their practice. St. Luke, pray for them!

For more info check out this interview with Dr. Hilgers, founder of the Pope Paul VI Institue and the man responsible for NaPro Technology.

http://ewtn.edgeboss.net/download/ewtn/audiolibrary/wo_02022007.mp3