I just got off the phone with my doctor, who is back from Florida and able to lay eyes on my ultrasound pics. The verdict?? He is sure they are ALL THREE follicles! I actually ovulated! On my own! Times three!!!
He suggests keeping with 50mg on CD 3-5 for two more cycles. If I'm not pregnant by then we'll move on to the next step. The good (no-great!) news is that I'm responding really well to the medicine right now. The bad news is that he said those dreaded words (the same ones JBTC just heard): "Everything looks great-you should get pregnant any time now!" I wanted to scream "then why aren't I???" but I resisted. He's too wonderful to yell at.
A few other things we talked about: getting my thyroid checked (the Hilgers way). Since he is not very comfortable with this aspect of NaPro yet, I'm going to try to do it straight through Hilgers. Both doctors are long distance (so phone visits only) and both are not covered by my insurance-so I may as well go with the expert! Has anyone else done the thyroid testing long distance with Hilgers? Any adivce?
We also talked about infection (thanks to the promptings of Wheelbarrow Rider). All of my cultures came back negative last November, but I still have all-the-time mucus and TEBB. I told him I was concerned that it was indicative of something underlying and wanted to know if the cultures had been done the "Hilgers" way. He said he needed to brush up on this aspect of NaPro and that he would call me next week. We may do some another round of cultures-but I'm driving through his town on my way home in two weeks so it won't be a problem!
Then he started talking about what to do WHEN I get pregnant (I still said IF). (Since he's out of town-he won't be my OB) We'll start with POI (200mg 2x week) if we can't get the progesterone results back soon enough. If we get them back and they're good, we won't even do it. He suggested getting a quantitative HCG and a progesterone level as soon as I find out. He said to wait on an ultrasound until 7 weeks to listen for a heartbeat, but that if I wanted to see a doctor earlier that I should just explain my history and they should get me in. He didn't mention anything about a beta but I've seen that done for other girls. Anyone care to elaborate on that?
Needless to say, I'm pretty excited! Thank you Lord for my wonderful doctor!
Showing posts with label infertility-facts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label infertility-facts. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Ultrasound Update
We spent almost every day last week doing ultrasounds to watch my follicles. We were planning on doing an HCG trigger when the dominant follicle got to 2.0 cm but this never happened. Here are the results of the u/s, to the best of my memory. I'm feeling pretty down about this. If anyone has any suggestions or ideas-you know I'll always take them!
Keep in mind that my doctor hasn't seen any of my images yet, only the u/s girl saw them. He was on a beach in Florida and called everyday for an update. God bless him.
CD 12: Left ovary has three "somethings". My u/s girl and doctor think they're cysts. One is measuring at 1.6, one at 2.0, and one at 2.5 (ish). There's a follicle on the right measuring .8.
CD 14: All three "somethings" on the left have grown to 1.7, 2.5, and 3.5. I have some pretty heavy ovulation pain this evening that lasts for 5-6 hours. It's not much different than every other month, just way stronger. The follicle on the right only grew to .9.
CD 15: All three "somethings" are completely gone. They ruptured on their own! With no HCG. My u/s girl suspects that maybe they were follicles all along and not really cysts and that I actually produced three eggs. I don't believe her, until she calls me and tells me that the doctor thought the same thing. Then I talk to Ann (the Nest Builder) and she has the exact same reaction. I get super excited, hope that at least one of them will find their way through my tube, and tell God that I'd even take triplets! There is another little "something" on the left that looks like a follicle that either sprang up over night or was hidden before. It measures at 1.0. The follicle on the right is shrinking and we stop watching it.
CD 16: The 1.0 follicle on the left is shrinking, so it definitely wasn't the dominant one. I also have a brand new cyst on the left (definitely a cyst because it was filled with debris) that went from non-existent to 3.5 over night. Nothing else has changed. My doctor tells the u/s girl to tell me that he thinks I need to up my dosage of Clomid to 75mg since I'm still not producing a 2.0 follicle. WHAT IN THE WORLD? I thought yesterday I had three follicles! Now I have two cysts and an under-developed follicle. I have no idea what changed his mind. He's going to look at my charts and P+7 b/w when he gets back. He says we might have to check on the cyst before I do any more Clomid. grrrrr.
CD 17: Peak Day.
So I'm really at a loss. What started out as bad news, turned into great news, and then back into bad news. I have very little hope for this cycle and wonder if I'll ever be able to actually produce a stinking follicle.
Side note: during the one day span that I thought I had produced three follicles, I actually said the words "I don't want to get my hopes up" Hello?? Have I even read my own blog? Some lessons are harder to learn than others I guess.
Keep in mind that my doctor hasn't seen any of my images yet, only the u/s girl saw them. He was on a beach in Florida and called everyday for an update. God bless him.
CD 12: Left ovary has three "somethings". My u/s girl and doctor think they're cysts. One is measuring at 1.6, one at 2.0, and one at 2.5 (ish). There's a follicle on the right measuring .8.
CD 14: All three "somethings" on the left have grown to 1.7, 2.5, and 3.5. I have some pretty heavy ovulation pain this evening that lasts for 5-6 hours. It's not much different than every other month, just way stronger. The follicle on the right only grew to .9.
CD 15: All three "somethings" are completely gone. They ruptured on their own! With no HCG. My u/s girl suspects that maybe they were follicles all along and not really cysts and that I actually produced three eggs. I don't believe her, until she calls me and tells me that the doctor thought the same thing. Then I talk to Ann (the Nest Builder) and she has the exact same reaction. I get super excited, hope that at least one of them will find their way through my tube, and tell God that I'd even take triplets! There is another little "something" on the left that looks like a follicle that either sprang up over night or was hidden before. It measures at 1.0. The follicle on the right is shrinking and we stop watching it.
CD 16: The 1.0 follicle on the left is shrinking, so it definitely wasn't the dominant one. I also have a brand new cyst on the left (definitely a cyst because it was filled with debris) that went from non-existent to 3.5 over night. Nothing else has changed. My doctor tells the u/s girl to tell me that he thinks I need to up my dosage of Clomid to 75mg since I'm still not producing a 2.0 follicle. WHAT IN THE WORLD? I thought yesterday I had three follicles! Now I have two cysts and an under-developed follicle. I have no idea what changed his mind. He's going to look at my charts and P+7 b/w when he gets back. He says we might have to check on the cyst before I do any more Clomid. grrrrr.
CD 17: Peak Day.
So I'm really at a loss. What started out as bad news, turned into great news, and then back into bad news. I have very little hope for this cycle and wonder if I'll ever be able to actually produce a stinking follicle.
Side note: during the one day span that I thought I had produced three follicles, I actually said the words "I don't want to get my hopes up" Hello?? Have I even read my own blog? Some lessons are harder to learn than others I guess.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Uncomfortably Numb
This is not a happy post. If you're feeling down-don't read this. It won't pick you up. What an awful day. Three major meltdowns (possibly from Clomid??). One at work-I was trying to find a file that was missing and broke into tears. One at home-Ted "took a tone" for a milla-second and I snapped then started bawling. And once during Adoration tonight-tears streamed and streamed while I tried to stay quiet and not disrupt the other people. I can't keep it together.
Lately, I've been very numb to this whole thing. Numb to my cross and numb to the pain. I think it's a defense mechanism. I'm retreating into myself and hoping that the pain will go away as I just wait it out. It's not working. I'm like a robot-especially at work. I'm not joyful to my preschoolers, I'm not making them laugh or acting goofy with them. I'm not mean-but I'm definitely not the therapist they need. I'm walking slower, I'm driving slower, I'm just lethargic. I have no motivation to do anything joyfully. I'm just trying to make it through the day. When friends ask me how I'm doing, like REALLY ask-the kind of asking that you know means "how are you holding up with your childlessness?" I just pretend like I don't notice what they're talking about and say "fine, how are you?" with a smile. I'm not fine. I'm miserable.
The numbness wore off today and turned into anger and tears. I'm not sure which is worse. Crying is painful but at least I feel something. But tonight at Adoration, this was a new kind of desperation. I couldn't talk to Jesus without being angry. Even mean. I actually said the words "why me?" in my head! Pathetic! I told Him this cross was too heavy, that I didn't want it anymore, that He could take his stupid sweater back because I didn't want it. And then, without even realizing what I was saying (in my head) I actually said the words, "I'm sick of You." I think I meant to say I'm sick of this cross-but I definitely said You. I don't know if I meant it or not. I felt like I meant it. I took it back instantly. I told Him I was sorry. I felt horrible and still do. But I said it. I can't deny that I said it. I would be first in line for confession tomorrow afternoon but our priest is out of town all week (that's what you get for living in Mississippi-no other priests or churches to go to). Am I the only one who can get this mad at God? I don't know how to change it. It's like my mood swings are being taken out on Him personally. I hope he knows how much I want to love Him. I'm not sick of Him, I'm just sick of this cross He's given me. I don't want it anymore. It's too heavy.
My NaPro doctor called me today and we got to talk for over a half hour. That kind of thing usually puts me in a great mood-but today it was just overwhelming. I got the results for the bloodwork I did on P+7 last month (while on 25mg Clomid). They were great! Even better than pre-surgery/medicine. My progesterone rose from 20 to 55 and my estrodial rose from 24 to 40-something. Dr. G was really happy about this and said it was confirmation that my body is responding to the Clomid. He said to go ahead with Mucinex and B6 for this month and he would prescribe an antibiotic if I needed it after that. He also said that he wants me to start doing HCG injections to trigger the follicle to rupture. I still don't know if I even have an egg in my follicle, but that my be impossible to find out since the u/s girl in town doesn't know how to do that. We're gonna try though. I'm going to try to plan another u/s study for all of next week and take the trigger shot when the follicle gets to be 2.0 cm (before Clomid it only got to 1.8). I have a lot of work to do to arrange the u/s and figure out where and how to get the HCG. That new stress might be adding to the intensity of my outbursts today. And the stress of wondering if we're going to be able to pay for all these ultrasounds. It's so much to think about.
I took 50mg of Clomid this month, up from 25 the past three months. I emailed my nurse as soon as I started my period to ask Dr. G how much I should take but never heard back from her so I had to make my own decision. (I found out today she was out because she found out her husband has cancer-please pray for her, she's wonderful!) He said it was probably not a good idea to take 50mg since my body has done well with 25 and that he was concerned it would affect my mucus anymore. Crap. Oh well, nothing I can do about it now-I'm CD 6 already and yesterday was my last dose.
I read about Sew this afternoon and was actually filled with hope rather than jealousy. I don't ever remember hearing about a pregnancy and not being jealous. If it happened for her, it can happen for me right?
Anyone willing to offer me some advice on HCG? I'll take whatever you can give!
Lately, I've been very numb to this whole thing. Numb to my cross and numb to the pain. I think it's a defense mechanism. I'm retreating into myself and hoping that the pain will go away as I just wait it out. It's not working. I'm like a robot-especially at work. I'm not joyful to my preschoolers, I'm not making them laugh or acting goofy with them. I'm not mean-but I'm definitely not the therapist they need. I'm walking slower, I'm driving slower, I'm just lethargic. I have no motivation to do anything joyfully. I'm just trying to make it through the day. When friends ask me how I'm doing, like REALLY ask-the kind of asking that you know means "how are you holding up with your childlessness?" I just pretend like I don't notice what they're talking about and say "fine, how are you?" with a smile. I'm not fine. I'm miserable.
The numbness wore off today and turned into anger and tears. I'm not sure which is worse. Crying is painful but at least I feel something. But tonight at Adoration, this was a new kind of desperation. I couldn't talk to Jesus without being angry. Even mean. I actually said the words "why me?" in my head! Pathetic! I told Him this cross was too heavy, that I didn't want it anymore, that He could take his stupid sweater back because I didn't want it. And then, without even realizing what I was saying (in my head) I actually said the words, "I'm sick of You." I think I meant to say I'm sick of this cross-but I definitely said You. I don't know if I meant it or not. I felt like I meant it. I took it back instantly. I told Him I was sorry. I felt horrible and still do. But I said it. I can't deny that I said it. I would be first in line for confession tomorrow afternoon but our priest is out of town all week (that's what you get for living in Mississippi-no other priests or churches to go to). Am I the only one who can get this mad at God? I don't know how to change it. It's like my mood swings are being taken out on Him personally. I hope he knows how much I want to love Him. I'm not sick of Him, I'm just sick of this cross He's given me. I don't want it anymore. It's too heavy.
My NaPro doctor called me today and we got to talk for over a half hour. That kind of thing usually puts me in a great mood-but today it was just overwhelming. I got the results for the bloodwork I did on P+7 last month (while on 25mg Clomid). They were great! Even better than pre-surgery/medicine. My progesterone rose from 20 to 55 and my estrodial rose from 24 to 40-something. Dr. G was really happy about this and said it was confirmation that my body is responding to the Clomid. He said to go ahead with Mucinex and B6 for this month and he would prescribe an antibiotic if I needed it after that. He also said that he wants me to start doing HCG injections to trigger the follicle to rupture. I still don't know if I even have an egg in my follicle, but that my be impossible to find out since the u/s girl in town doesn't know how to do that. We're gonna try though. I'm going to try to plan another u/s study for all of next week and take the trigger shot when the follicle gets to be 2.0 cm (before Clomid it only got to 1.8). I have a lot of work to do to arrange the u/s and figure out where and how to get the HCG. That new stress might be adding to the intensity of my outbursts today. And the stress of wondering if we're going to be able to pay for all these ultrasounds. It's so much to think about.
I took 50mg of Clomid this month, up from 25 the past three months. I emailed my nurse as soon as I started my period to ask Dr. G how much I should take but never heard back from her so I had to make my own decision. (I found out today she was out because she found out her husband has cancer-please pray for her, she's wonderful!) He said it was probably not a good idea to take 50mg since my body has done well with 25 and that he was concerned it would affect my mucus anymore. Crap. Oh well, nothing I can do about it now-I'm CD 6 already and yesterday was my last dose.
I read about Sew this afternoon and was actually filled with hope rather than jealousy. I don't ever remember hearing about a pregnancy and not being jealous. If it happened for her, it can happen for me right?
Anyone willing to offer me some advice on HCG? I'll take whatever you can give!
Monday, April 26, 2010
A Question for Fellow IFers
Alright ladies, I've got a question about mucus. A quick history:
I don't want to wait until something looks bad before doing something about it. I'd rather pull out all the stops now and hope for the best. What may seem like overkill to some, seems perfectly logical when you take into account the amount pain that only ONE MONTH of infertility creates. Every month that goes by I feel like we are getting further and further from our dream. Why are we waiting to do more??
I know many of you have taken things to get that MCS up in the fantastic range. Isn't there more than just B6. I haven't had much luck with vitamins in the past (tried Vitamin C for all-the-time mucus with no success). I've heard about Mucinex and Fertile CM but don't know many details. I'm asking for your advice-I trust ya'll so much!
Also, has anyone experienced the same kind of "wait and see" approach? I just want to do everything we can-not hold out to see if it's necessary! What did you do? How did you decide what to do and what to wait on? How did you get your doctor on board? Emails are appreciated-my email address is under my picture in my profile.
Thanks!
- I've been on Clomid for three months (25mg) with average mucus cycle scores (MCS). 10.7 the first month, 13.7 the second.
- Before Clomid my MCS were amazing! Never below a 14 and even some perfect 16s in there!
- I actually have an over abundance of mucus at all times in my cycle. Yellow stamps are my best friend. My Dr. can't figure out the cause.
- This past month was a lousy 8.7. I had 4AD the day before Peak Day. (I can't count on one hand the number of times I've seen this in the past YEAR.)
I don't want to wait until something looks bad before doing something about it. I'd rather pull out all the stops now and hope for the best. What may seem like overkill to some, seems perfectly logical when you take into account the amount pain that only ONE MONTH of infertility creates. Every month that goes by I feel like we are getting further and further from our dream. Why are we waiting to do more??
I know many of you have taken things to get that MCS up in the fantastic range. Isn't there more than just B6. I haven't had much luck with vitamins in the past (tried Vitamin C for all-the-time mucus with no success). I've heard about Mucinex and Fertile CM but don't know many details. I'm asking for your advice-I trust ya'll so much!
Also, has anyone experienced the same kind of "wait and see" approach? I just want to do everything we can-not hold out to see if it's necessary! What did you do? How did you decide what to do and what to wait on? How did you get your doctor on board? Emails are appreciated-my email address is under my picture in my profile.
Thanks!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Praise God! (and a Rant)
I was literally in tears at my appointment today. But for the first time in a looong time, they were tears of joy! It's going to work-I'm going to be able to ultrasounds and blood work locally to monitor the effectiveness of the Clomid! I met with Dr. L (non NaPro) and started telling him a little about my history. After I convinced him that I was not going to consider Lupron or IVF (see below) he was pretty uninterested in helping me. But then I showed him my surgery report from Dr. G (NaPro). He was very impressed. His actual words were something like, "You have a great doctor. He's done all kinds of stuff that we aren't doing here. Wow-I'm impressed." He then told me that he thought it would be best if I stuck with my doctor (yes!) since he's so knowledgeable in this field. He said that he would coordinate with the lab girls and the ultrasound tech to get me all set up and ready to go. He also said that he wouldn't consider me to be a patient, because he wasn't planning on reading or interpreting any of the results-everything will be sent to Dr. G. This means that I won't have to schedule an appointment with him when I need something done, I won't have to pay for an office visit on top of the ultrasound/lab work, AND I won't have to have him copy the orders from Dr. G-he said the clinic would accept the out-of-state orders.
I'll have to pay up-front for everything, which isn't a problem because insurance doesn't cover anything anyway and we usually just get the rejection letter and pay for it a month later. I'm going to make appointments directly with the ultrasound girl and don't need an appointment to come in for the lab. The ultrasound girl is not really familiar with monitoring follicles, but she has done it before. My doctor is willing to call her and talk to her more about it and she seemed to be really excited about that.
And it gets even better! When she asked if I had any questions, I decided to go for the gold and just casually said, "Would you ever be willing to come in on weekends?" (as the cycle days that I need ultrasounds may fall on a weekend). "I guess," she said, "I don't really see a problem with that." WHAT??? Really? This is the when the tears started flowing.
I was also introduced to a lady in billing who will help me coordinate everything. She told me the prices and, after I sweetly asked, is checking on getting us a discount for self pay. Even if we don't get a discount-it's not TOO much higher than what we were paying in TN. But we'll take every last penny we can get! The billing lady was very sweet and supportive. She told me that her sister struggled for a long time to get pregnant and so she understood how hard it can be. I really think that made a world of difference in her willingness to help me with this. Thank you Jesus! Her sister's infertility is blessing ME in a way that I'm sure she would have never expected!
With that, my doctor (if I can even call him "mine") said goodbye. He told me that I could call him if I ever had an emergency or a serious reaction to the medicine. He also said that if things don't go as planned to let him know and he would take care of it. Then he left.....and didn't charge me for a visit!!! I was sure I would at least have to pay for an office visit. He said it would be "criminal" to make me pay for the little amount of work he did. Wow! Could it have gone any better?!
I am beyond thankful for all of the prayers of my friends, family, and fellow bloggers. You are all amazing! God must really listen to you!
And now, unfortunately, I have a rant. It wasn't two minutes into the conversation and Dr. L was trying to push Lupron and InVitro. I told him we've been trying for a year and half, I have endo and have had two surgeries, my blood work is all good, that ultrasounds have shown my follicles are not producing eggs, and that I'm on Clomid. "So you don't have any follicles..." he said. "No, I have a dominant follilcle, it just doesn't have an egg," I told him. He wasn't listening to me. He then told me that even if I did produce an egg it would be in a hostile environment because of the endo. He told me that IVF was my "only chance" to get pregnant and that no matter how much work I did it was going to come down to that. He said that surgeries don't take care of endo completely and the only way to get rid of it is go on Lupron for 6 months (it stops ovarian function-how is THAT going to get me pregnant??) I thanked him for the advice and politely told him that I had moral objections to IVF (and Lupron) due to my religious background. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "well that's probably what it's going to take." To his credit, he did try to address some of things he suspected I found objectionable. "You don't have to make 15 embryos, implant 5, and kill 4," he said. "You can have the ultimate control over it." (e.g. "You get to play God.") "I understand," I told him, "but it's not an option." I told him that Dr. G had additional training in fertility treatment that didn't compromise my religious believes. I told him that he doesn't refer for IVF. Dr. L said "oh, he does it on his own?" "No," I said, "he has the same objections that I do. To which he replied, "What church do you go to?" (this is a VERY common question in the south). "I'm Roman Catholic," I replied, sitting up a little straighter in my chair and holding my chin up. I was so proud to be able to say that.
My other disappointment during the visit came, not from the fact that he pushed IVF, but because of how little he was able to offer me in terms of fertility. If I was just your average infertile gal consulting my local OB, this is the kind of advice I would have been given. How awful!
Again, thanks for your prayers! Keem 'em comin'!
I'll have to pay up-front for everything, which isn't a problem because insurance doesn't cover anything anyway and we usually just get the rejection letter and pay for it a month later. I'm going to make appointments directly with the ultrasound girl and don't need an appointment to come in for the lab. The ultrasound girl is not really familiar with monitoring follicles, but she has done it before. My doctor is willing to call her and talk to her more about it and she seemed to be really excited about that.
And it gets even better! When she asked if I had any questions, I decided to go for the gold and just casually said, "Would you ever be willing to come in on weekends?" (as the cycle days that I need ultrasounds may fall on a weekend). "I guess," she said, "I don't really see a problem with that." WHAT??? Really? This is the when the tears started flowing.
I was also introduced to a lady in billing who will help me coordinate everything. She told me the prices and, after I sweetly asked, is checking on getting us a discount for self pay. Even if we don't get a discount-it's not TOO much higher than what we were paying in TN. But we'll take every last penny we can get! The billing lady was very sweet and supportive. She told me that her sister struggled for a long time to get pregnant and so she understood how hard it can be. I really think that made a world of difference in her willingness to help me with this. Thank you Jesus! Her sister's infertility is blessing ME in a way that I'm sure she would have never expected!
With that, my doctor (if I can even call him "mine") said goodbye. He told me that I could call him if I ever had an emergency or a serious reaction to the medicine. He also said that if things don't go as planned to let him know and he would take care of it. Then he left.....and didn't charge me for a visit!!! I was sure I would at least have to pay for an office visit. He said it would be "criminal" to make me pay for the little amount of work he did. Wow! Could it have gone any better?!
I am beyond thankful for all of the prayers of my friends, family, and fellow bloggers. You are all amazing! God must really listen to you!
And now, unfortunately, I have a rant. It wasn't two minutes into the conversation and Dr. L was trying to push Lupron and InVitro. I told him we've been trying for a year and half, I have endo and have had two surgeries, my blood work is all good, that ultrasounds have shown my follicles are not producing eggs, and that I'm on Clomid. "So you don't have any follicles..." he said. "No, I have a dominant follilcle, it just doesn't have an egg," I told him. He wasn't listening to me. He then told me that even if I did produce an egg it would be in a hostile environment because of the endo. He told me that IVF was my "only chance" to get pregnant and that no matter how much work I did it was going to come down to that. He said that surgeries don't take care of endo completely and the only way to get rid of it is go on Lupron for 6 months (it stops ovarian function-how is THAT going to get me pregnant??) I thanked him for the advice and politely told him that I had moral objections to IVF (and Lupron) due to my religious background. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "well that's probably what it's going to take." To his credit, he did try to address some of things he suspected I found objectionable. "You don't have to make 15 embryos, implant 5, and kill 4," he said. "You can have the ultimate control over it." (e.g. "You get to play God.") "I understand," I told him, "but it's not an option." I told him that Dr. G had additional training in fertility treatment that didn't compromise my religious believes. I told him that he doesn't refer for IVF. Dr. L said "oh, he does it on his own?" "No," I said, "he has the same objections that I do. To which he replied, "What church do you go to?" (this is a VERY common question in the south). "I'm Roman Catholic," I replied, sitting up a little straighter in my chair and holding my chin up. I was so proud to be able to say that.
My other disappointment during the visit came, not from the fact that he pushed IVF, but because of how little he was able to offer me in terms of fertility. If I was just your average infertile gal consulting my local OB, this is the kind of advice I would have been given. How awful!
Again, thanks for your prayers! Keem 'em comin'!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Prayer Request
I have a prayer request to anyone whose willing to pray. I have an OB appointment tomorrow with a local OB. He's not a NaPro doc and I doubt he's ever heard of it. Dr. G (my NaPro doc in TN) wants me to coordinate care with a local OB so I can start doing ultrasounds and bloodwork locally, instead of driving three hours every time. My local hospital requires all orders to be from a doctor with a MS license, so they won't accept anything Dr. G gives me. I have to have a local OB copy the order and agree that I need to same thing. Very annoying.
I'm going to do my best to get this new doc on board with my treatment. I'm going to ask if he'll monitor my follicles with ultrasounds (most regular OBs do NOT do this!) and allow me to have bloodwork done on certain days according to my Peak Day. I'm hopeful, but not holding my breath.
Prayers that this doctor will try to help me, even if he disagrees with me, are appreciated! Has anyone out there been in a similar situation? Any advice on getting him on board?
I'm going to do my best to get this new doc on board with my treatment. I'm going to ask if he'll monitor my follicles with ultrasounds (most regular OBs do NOT do this!) and allow me to have bloodwork done on certain days according to my Peak Day. I'm hopeful, but not holding my breath.
Prayers that this doctor will try to help me, even if he disagrees with me, are appreciated! Has anyone out there been in a similar situation? Any advice on getting him on board?
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Boring Estrodial Levels
For those readers that come here wanting to read something interesting or thought provoking-this post isn't for you. Move along, nothing to see here.
I've got a question for my fellow infertile bloggers. Some of you seem so incredibly knowledgeable on the subject and I'm wanting your highly valued opinion. I recently reviewed my bloodwork from a work-up I had done last November. Our doctor said that everything was fine and we didn't need to do anything about my hormone levels (progesterone and estrodial). However, as I looked back over the reports I noticed that my post peak estrodial numbers are slightly higher than the norm and out of the normal range. My progesterone is beautiful-textbook! But my estrodial...
Here are the numbers for Post Peak Estrodial:
P: 27.5ng/dL
P+3: 11.1 ng/dL
P+5: 14.9 ng/dL
P+7: 24.9 ng/dL (high is 16.7)
P+9: 28.1 ng/dL (high is 16.7)
P+11: 23 ng/dL (high is 15.5)
So I was looking good until P+7. Have any of you experienced something similar? What was done, if anything, for this? Do you think I need to be concerned? Should I trust my doctor and let it go or hound him about it? Decisions decisions!
And yes, I realize that none of you are experts (except maybe doctorgianna) but I trust ya'll more than google!
I've got a question for my fellow infertile bloggers. Some of you seem so incredibly knowledgeable on the subject and I'm wanting your highly valued opinion. I recently reviewed my bloodwork from a work-up I had done last November. Our doctor said that everything was fine and we didn't need to do anything about my hormone levels (progesterone and estrodial). However, as I looked back over the reports I noticed that my post peak estrodial numbers are slightly higher than the norm and out of the normal range. My progesterone is beautiful-textbook! But my estrodial...
Here are the numbers for Post Peak Estrodial:
P: 27.5ng/dL
P+3: 11.1 ng/dL
P+5: 14.9 ng/dL
P+7: 24.9 ng/dL (high is 16.7)
P+9: 28.1 ng/dL (high is 16.7)
P+11: 23 ng/dL (high is 15.5)
So I was looking good until P+7. Have any of you experienced something similar? What was done, if anything, for this? Do you think I need to be concerned? Should I trust my doctor and let it go or hound him about it? Decisions decisions!
And yes, I realize that none of you are experts (except maybe doctorgianna) but I trust ya'll more than google!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
A Slowly Diminishing Hope
I hate days like this. Work was crazy. I had way too much to do and not enough time to do it all. Today was just an all around bad day. It was bad even without considering the fact that we got a definite NO this month and are definitely NOT pregnant. The silver lining I suppose is that my cramps weren't bad enough to keep me away from work (which actually would have been a lucky break now that I think about it...)
I managed to hold back tears all day until Ted came home. Even when I was wrestling with insurance companies on the phone. But seeing him after I find out there won't be a baby this month is always hard. It just opens the floodgates. But it's not like I didn't already know that we weren't pregnant. My PMS symptoms started over a week ago. It's pretty hard to hold out hope that you might be pregnant when your back hurts, your face breaks out, your boobs hurt, and you have cramps for an entire week before you start your period. And what are the odds that my pregnancy symptoms would be exactly the same as my PMS symptoms have been for the last 12 years of my life? Pretty unlikely.
In a way, it's nice that I can see it coming. I don't ever have to deal with going to the bathroom and being surprised to find out I'm not pregnant. I find out the sad news slowly, spread out over a week. With each new pain or cramp I hold out hope that it's from something different this month. My boobs start to hurt and I think, "that could also be from pregnancy". My face breaks out and I think, "maybe it's all that chocolate I just ate." Monday night I walked into the kitchen and started looking around to see if we had any cupcakes. I knew we didn't-I haven't made cupcakes in years. But those dang carb cravings are so strong that I actually expect to see a dozen cupcakes sitting in my cabinet. I told Ted I was looking for cupcakes and he said, "guess we're not pregnant this month, huh?" "It was the cupcakes that did us in," I replied. Even knowing all of that I still took a pregnancy test last night before my follow up meeting with my Creighton NFP teacher. I knew it would be negative, but I did it anyway. A moment of weakness. Or of hopefulness. I'm not sure which.
Maybe God designed my body like this to keep me from experiencing one giant sucker punch on cycle day 1. Maybe he knew that would be too much for me. He lets me draw my sorrow out gradually, over the course of a week or more. He lets the hope fade slowly so I can used to it little by little. But I do hold out hope, however irrational, until I get the final confirmation.
I promised myself I wasn't going to let myself get too upset this month. It's only our first time trying since the surgery AND with the medicine. I kept telling myself, "It's like we're starting all over. We've technically only been trying for ONE month, not 19. Not getting pregnant after only ONE month is totally normal!" Did it work? Not at all. That thought was no comfort when the time actually came. The tears came just like it had been 19.
Usually I "celebrate" cycle day 1 with a bud light or a margarita. After avoiding alcohol all month, I always say, "well, on the bright side-I'm gonna have a beer!" However, I gave up all drinks other than water for Lent. I thought about letting it slide today, but Ted helped me stick it out. Instead we went out to eat. He never expects me to cook for him on days like this. We've been saving a coupon to Ruby Tuesday's and he decided we should use it. I was secretly hoping to save it for a celebration dinner when we saw our first positive pregnancy test. (I know what you're thinking. "You find out you're pregnant after all this time and you're worried about using a COUPON for your celebration dinner?!?!" Yes, we really are that cheap most of the time. Blame it on the bills for the services that get us to the point of actually having a celebration dinner.) I guess a drown-your-sorrows dinner is another good reason though. At least it was a night out with my sweet husband. And it did help take my mind off things. I didn't order a margarita, but my steak was sill mooing and the broccoli was covered in butter and it was wonderful!
So, I'm ready to put this day behind me. I saw on someone's facebook wall today the following quote: Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it's the quiet voice inside saying "I will try again tomorrow." That person is currently in the grad program I graduated from last year. I know exactly how she feels. We'll both try again tomorrow.
And no, I will NOT be watching The Office tonight like the rest of the world. Somehow seeing Jim and Pam give birth to their baby conceived on "accident" and out of wedlock just doesn't seem all that appealing...
I managed to hold back tears all day until Ted came home. Even when I was wrestling with insurance companies on the phone. But seeing him after I find out there won't be a baby this month is always hard. It just opens the floodgates. But it's not like I didn't already know that we weren't pregnant. My PMS symptoms started over a week ago. It's pretty hard to hold out hope that you might be pregnant when your back hurts, your face breaks out, your boobs hurt, and you have cramps for an entire week before you start your period. And what are the odds that my pregnancy symptoms would be exactly the same as my PMS symptoms have been for the last 12 years of my life? Pretty unlikely.
In a way, it's nice that I can see it coming. I don't ever have to deal with going to the bathroom and being surprised to find out I'm not pregnant. I find out the sad news slowly, spread out over a week. With each new pain or cramp I hold out hope that it's from something different this month. My boobs start to hurt and I think, "that could also be from pregnancy". My face breaks out and I think, "maybe it's all that chocolate I just ate." Monday night I walked into the kitchen and started looking around to see if we had any cupcakes. I knew we didn't-I haven't made cupcakes in years. But those dang carb cravings are so strong that I actually expect to see a dozen cupcakes sitting in my cabinet. I told Ted I was looking for cupcakes and he said, "guess we're not pregnant this month, huh?" "It was the cupcakes that did us in," I replied. Even knowing all of that I still took a pregnancy test last night before my follow up meeting with my Creighton NFP teacher. I knew it would be negative, but I did it anyway. A moment of weakness. Or of hopefulness. I'm not sure which.
Maybe God designed my body like this to keep me from experiencing one giant sucker punch on cycle day 1. Maybe he knew that would be too much for me. He lets me draw my sorrow out gradually, over the course of a week or more. He lets the hope fade slowly so I can used to it little by little. But I do hold out hope, however irrational, until I get the final confirmation.
I promised myself I wasn't going to let myself get too upset this month. It's only our first time trying since the surgery AND with the medicine. I kept telling myself, "It's like we're starting all over. We've technically only been trying for ONE month, not 19. Not getting pregnant after only ONE month is totally normal!" Did it work? Not at all. That thought was no comfort when the time actually came. The tears came just like it had been 19.
Usually I "celebrate" cycle day 1 with a bud light or a margarita. After avoiding alcohol all month, I always say, "well, on the bright side-I'm gonna have a beer!" However, I gave up all drinks other than water for Lent. I thought about letting it slide today, but Ted helped me stick it out. Instead we went out to eat. He never expects me to cook for him on days like this. We've been saving a coupon to Ruby Tuesday's and he decided we should use it. I was secretly hoping to save it for a celebration dinner when we saw our first positive pregnancy test. (I know what you're thinking. "You find out you're pregnant after all this time and you're worried about using a COUPON for your celebration dinner?!?!" Yes, we really are that cheap most of the time. Blame it on the bills for the services that get us to the point of actually having a celebration dinner.) I guess a drown-your-sorrows dinner is another good reason though. At least it was a night out with my sweet husband. And it did help take my mind off things. I didn't order a margarita, but my steak was sill mooing and the broccoli was covered in butter and it was wonderful!
So, I'm ready to put this day behind me. I saw on someone's facebook wall today the following quote: Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it's the quiet voice inside saying "I will try again tomorrow." That person is currently in the grad program I graduated from last year. I know exactly how she feels. We'll both try again tomorrow.
And no, I will NOT be watching The Office tonight like the rest of the world. Somehow seeing Jim and Pam give birth to their baby conceived on "accident" and out of wedlock just doesn't seem all that appealing...
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
The Facts and the Feelings
Now that it's out there that Ted and I are struggling with infertility, I thought I'd describe (briefly if possible) the details of our particular situation.
First Ted: He's good. His little men work just fine and are doing their job. Praise God! We had a scare that they weren't and for a few months I bordered on completely hopeless. After a second sample everything was fine-it was either an amazing answer to prayers or a really crappy job on the hospital's part. If you're going through this-get two samples. (And yes, we completely obeyed the Church's position on obtaining this sample-message me if you're curious.)
Now me: I'm not as easy to describe. I was diagnosed with endometriosis in college. I should have been diagnosed when I was 15 but I couldn't find a doctor who would give me the time of day and prescribe anything other than birth control pills (which DO NOT treat endo-I'm sure this soap box issue will merit its own post soon). I finally found a wonderful doctor whose practice did not use artificial birth control and found out for the first time in my life that I'm not just a big baby when it comes to my monthly "gift". I was devastated. I had done enough research on the subject to know that it hurt your chances for babies. Thankfully God had already placed Ted in my life and with his loving support, I was able to keep it together. (Thinking back-maybe that's why God waited for me to be in college before finding out....hmm-nice one God!) In the summer of 2006 I had laproscopic surgery to remove the endometriosis. My doctor was very optimistic after the surgery. I remember him saying, "Send me a letter when you have your 12th kid," or something like that.
After a year and a half of trying-it doesn't look like we're on our way to 12. After talking with a doctor in Springfield, MO (an awful one) we decided that we would pursue a natural family planning only doctor, no matter what it took. When we moved to Mississippi we were very concerned about finding one-but you know how God works. After some searching, we found an excellent doctor in Jackson, TN, just three hours north of Starkville. Excellent isn't even the word to describe him-I don't think a word exists to describe how good this man is. We are truly, truly blessed to know him, much less be cared for by him.
Through extensive testing and a repeat laproscopic surgery (that I'm still recovering from), we discovered some good news and some bad news. My hormone levels are great and my tubes are completely open. My endometriosis had returned-but only a little and has been removed again. The worst news was the my follicles are not producing eggs and that they rupture prematurely. To the best of my understanding, the eggs are in there but they're not being "picked up" by my follicles when it's time for them to spring into action. This is not good.
Starting soon I'm going to begin taking Clomid, which is a drug that will stimulate egg production. (my doctor told Ted to prepare for the worst mood swings in history-yikes!) Lots of people who can't get pregnant try Clomid-it's kind of a "first line of defense" when it comes to infertility. Unfortunately, it's all too common for doctors to prescribe this drug to women who can't get pregnant without actually determining if empty follicles are the real problem. Thankfully-we know our real problem and know that Clomid has shown to be effective with it. If this doesn't work-there are a couple of other options to stimulate egg production (shots of FSH is one). If those don't work-we will probably not ever be able to get pregnant.
So those are the facts of what I know. Now, just for a second-I'm going to let my feelings come out on the subject....
I want a baby more than anything in the world. I take that back-I want BABIES more than anything in the world. I've wanted a large family ever since I was probably 9 or 10 years old. My mom is one of eight girls and I used to love to sit and listen to them talk about their childhood-I still do! "I want my kids to have that," I thought. I've been privileged to be a part of some amazing and HUGE families in college as a nanny/babysitter. I was with one family long enough to see number 8 AND 9 be born! (Thanks Kelsey-you are amazing!) In high school and college I was weirdly interested in all thing baby and kids. I've researched and formed opinions on everything from cloth diapers and breastfeeding to discipline techniques and schooling options.
At my very core, I long to be a mother. It's what I feel I was designed to be. I can't walk past a baby at Wal-Mart without making faces at him and saying, "Ted, look how cute he is!" I spend my free time researching ways to have a healthy pregnancy and ideas for saving money on groceries so moms can afford to stay home with their kids. And this was even before we were married! Maybe you think it's weird-maybe you can completely relate. Either way-know that my heart is broken over not having a baby to hold in my arms. Every month when another pregnancy test is negative I think, "If we got pregnant the first month we'd have a six month old, a seven month old, an eight month old by now..." I'm trying to learn to give this to God, I really am. I'm not there yet.
First Ted: He's good. His little men work just fine and are doing their job. Praise God! We had a scare that they weren't and for a few months I bordered on completely hopeless. After a second sample everything was fine-it was either an amazing answer to prayers or a really crappy job on the hospital's part. If you're going through this-get two samples. (And yes, we completely obeyed the Church's position on obtaining this sample-message me if you're curious.)
Now me: I'm not as easy to describe. I was diagnosed with endometriosis in college. I should have been diagnosed when I was 15 but I couldn't find a doctor who would give me the time of day and prescribe anything other than birth control pills (which DO NOT treat endo-I'm sure this soap box issue will merit its own post soon). I finally found a wonderful doctor whose practice did not use artificial birth control and found out for the first time in my life that I'm not just a big baby when it comes to my monthly "gift". I was devastated. I had done enough research on the subject to know that it hurt your chances for babies. Thankfully God had already placed Ted in my life and with his loving support, I was able to keep it together. (Thinking back-maybe that's why God waited for me to be in college before finding out....hmm-nice one God!) In the summer of 2006 I had laproscopic surgery to remove the endometriosis. My doctor was very optimistic after the surgery. I remember him saying, "Send me a letter when you have your 12th kid," or something like that.
After a year and a half of trying-it doesn't look like we're on our way to 12. After talking with a doctor in Springfield, MO (an awful one) we decided that we would pursue a natural family planning only doctor, no matter what it took. When we moved to Mississippi we were very concerned about finding one-but you know how God works. After some searching, we found an excellent doctor in Jackson, TN, just three hours north of Starkville. Excellent isn't even the word to describe him-I don't think a word exists to describe how good this man is. We are truly, truly blessed to know him, much less be cared for by him.
Through extensive testing and a repeat laproscopic surgery (that I'm still recovering from), we discovered some good news and some bad news. My hormone levels are great and my tubes are completely open. My endometriosis had returned-but only a little and has been removed again. The worst news was the my follicles are not producing eggs and that they rupture prematurely. To the best of my understanding, the eggs are in there but they're not being "picked up" by my follicles when it's time for them to spring into action. This is not good.
Starting soon I'm going to begin taking Clomid, which is a drug that will stimulate egg production. (my doctor told Ted to prepare for the worst mood swings in history-yikes!) Lots of people who can't get pregnant try Clomid-it's kind of a "first line of defense" when it comes to infertility. Unfortunately, it's all too common for doctors to prescribe this drug to women who can't get pregnant without actually determining if empty follicles are the real problem. Thankfully-we know our real problem and know that Clomid has shown to be effective with it. If this doesn't work-there are a couple of other options to stimulate egg production (shots of FSH is one). If those don't work-we will probably not ever be able to get pregnant.
So those are the facts of what I know. Now, just for a second-I'm going to let my feelings come out on the subject....
I want a baby more than anything in the world. I take that back-I want BABIES more than anything in the world. I've wanted a large family ever since I was probably 9 or 10 years old. My mom is one of eight girls and I used to love to sit and listen to them talk about their childhood-I still do! "I want my kids to have that," I thought. I've been privileged to be a part of some amazing and HUGE families in college as a nanny/babysitter. I was with one family long enough to see number 8 AND 9 be born! (Thanks Kelsey-you are amazing!) In high school and college I was weirdly interested in all thing baby and kids. I've researched and formed opinions on everything from cloth diapers and breastfeeding to discipline techniques and schooling options.
At my very core, I long to be a mother. It's what I feel I was designed to be. I can't walk past a baby at Wal-Mart without making faces at him and saying, "Ted, look how cute he is!" I spend my free time researching ways to have a healthy pregnancy and ideas for saving money on groceries so moms can afford to stay home with their kids. And this was even before we were married! Maybe you think it's weird-maybe you can completely relate. Either way-know that my heart is broken over not having a baby to hold in my arms. Every month when another pregnancy test is negative I think, "If we got pregnant the first month we'd have a six month old, a seven month old, an eight month old by now..." I'm trying to learn to give this to God, I really am. I'm not there yet.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
The Truth...and Nothing But the Truth
I have a big announcement to make.......I'm not pregnant. And while I know that may seem like a really strange announcement-I say it for a reason. How do you tell someone that you're NOT pregnant? I can't figure it out. But we're not pregnant. We can't get pregnant. We've been trying for a year and a half and no baby yet.
When something really exciting happens (like getting pregnant) it's easy to make an excited announcement to friends and family, to call everyone you know, and to plaster it across your facebook status. I get that. It's also easier to announce when bad things happen (like a death in the family). I don't mean that telling people about loosing a loved one is easy-but people know how to handle that kind of news. Usually people know that you're dad was in the hospital or your mom was going downhill or whatever. It makes sense to tell people the news pretty much right after it happens.
But that's not the case with infertility. You don't tell people after the first month-it's still completely normal at that time to not be pregnant yet. You don't tell people after the first couple of months because it's still relatively normal, although it sucks. You keep hoping that you'll get pregnant soon so you won't even have to explain it to friends and family. But when a year has passed and your belly is the same size it's always been-it's gets really complicated.
When Ted and I first realized there was a problem I didn't want to tell anybody we were even trying. "If they know we're trying they'll know we're failing," I said. "I don't want everyone to know we're failing." I let a few select people know through an email mostly because I wanted the prayers I knew they would offer. But after a year and when the medical issues got more and more complex, we knew we needed to start letting people know. Our family and friends were all very supportive, but it was awkward bringing it up. It's not like a normal conversation revolves around "so, tell me the deepest inner struggles you're dealing with lately." But one by one, we told the most important people in our lives and one by one we received more prayers and support than we ever thought possible.
So this is it, this is what we're really dealing with. It's huge and overwhelming and all consuming and miserable. I don't want sympathy-I want prayers, and lots of them. This is the main reason why I created this blog. I want to get my thoughts out on this and maybe help others who are going through the same thing in the process. I thought about titling the blog something about this particular issue-but I didn't in the hopes that this issue will eventually be resolved and I can blog about other issues (like, oh I don't know-how cute my seven children are...). So bare with me for a while if all my posts are about my hopes for a baby-it's just a little pressing at the moment. I'm still going to attempt my goal of modeling my life after the Blessed Mother's, but it will be with a focus of surrendering my will to God's on this particular issue. And hopefully someday it will be about me becoming a better mother, like Mary-but we'll just have to wait and see.
When something really exciting happens (like getting pregnant) it's easy to make an excited announcement to friends and family, to call everyone you know, and to plaster it across your facebook status. I get that. It's also easier to announce when bad things happen (like a death in the family). I don't mean that telling people about loosing a loved one is easy-but people know how to handle that kind of news. Usually people know that you're dad was in the hospital or your mom was going downhill or whatever. It makes sense to tell people the news pretty much right after it happens.
But that's not the case with infertility. You don't tell people after the first month-it's still completely normal at that time to not be pregnant yet. You don't tell people after the first couple of months because it's still relatively normal, although it sucks. You keep hoping that you'll get pregnant soon so you won't even have to explain it to friends and family. But when a year has passed and your belly is the same size it's always been-it's gets really complicated.
When Ted and I first realized there was a problem I didn't want to tell anybody we were even trying. "If they know we're trying they'll know we're failing," I said. "I don't want everyone to know we're failing." I let a few select people know through an email mostly because I wanted the prayers I knew they would offer. But after a year and when the medical issues got more and more complex, we knew we needed to start letting people know. Our family and friends were all very supportive, but it was awkward bringing it up. It's not like a normal conversation revolves around "so, tell me the deepest inner struggles you're dealing with lately." But one by one, we told the most important people in our lives and one by one we received more prayers and support than we ever thought possible.
So this is it, this is what we're really dealing with. It's huge and overwhelming and all consuming and miserable. I don't want sympathy-I want prayers, and lots of them. This is the main reason why I created this blog. I want to get my thoughts out on this and maybe help others who are going through the same thing in the process. I thought about titling the blog something about this particular issue-but I didn't in the hopes that this issue will eventually be resolved and I can blog about other issues (like, oh I don't know-how cute my seven children are...). So bare with me for a while if all my posts are about my hopes for a baby-it's just a little pressing at the moment. I'm still going to attempt my goal of modeling my life after the Blessed Mother's, but it will be with a focus of surrendering my will to God's on this particular issue. And hopefully someday it will be about me becoming a better mother, like Mary-but we'll just have to wait and see.
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