The Undocumented Year

In the past two weeks I've wanted to write about a dozen blog posts. Recaps of 2013. Photo updates of our exhausting 11 day trip to Missouri. Reflections on our annual New Year's retreat. I've wanted to blog about meeting my sister's fiance and tell the world how happy I am for her. And lament the fact that our best friends moved away and I'm sad and lonely without them. Or post any of the adorable quotes that are coming out of Hannah's mouth on a daily basis. (I want you to STAY wif me and BE wif me while you PLAY wif me! Just one, I couldn't help it.)

But instead, I'm just going to write this one.

I'm done with social media. Done with facebook and done with blogging. At least, I need to be done with it. I need a break.

As Ted and I discussed our goals and plans for 2014, I realized that none of them have anything to do with my "online presence" or with blogging or with reading status updates. Shocking, I know. What I do want to do is to read more with Hannah. Stretch her mind and her attention span by finding more and better books all the time. Make reading a favorite activity that we do throughout the day instead of mostly at bedtime.

I want to focus on disciplining Paul, rather than just carrying him around so he won't get into trouble. I want to make the difficult effort to teach him right from wrong at his adorable young age so that our family can live more peacefully with a baby who is learning to listen.

I want to read. Real books. From real authors. Not 800 words on a blog post that I will forget as quickly as I exit out of the tab.

I want to strengthen the friendships I've been fortunate to make here in Florida. I want to make time for more coffee dates and ladies nights instead of stretching myself crazy stupid thin trying to keep up with every friend I've ever had by commenting on pictures of their kids on facebook.

I want to get better at meal planning and budgeting instead of just throwing food on the table because I was too lazy to do anything during the kids' naps except zone out on the internet.

I want to finally, finally start getting up before the kids in the morning. Sip my coffee in peace and talk to Jesus before I check my email. Rather than roll out of bed bleary eyed and exhausted because I stayed up way too late wasting time on the stupid internet.

And it's just glaringly obvious to me that none of those things are possible as long as I'm living a distracted life. A life spent with one foot in the real world and one foot planted firmly in the endless void of social media. Not to mention the fact that I just don't have time anymore. Not with two kids and a super fun husband and three part time jobs and enough food allergies to make cooking a full time job in itself.

So, I'm giving it up. For a year. A full freaking year. 2014 shall hence be known as my undocumented year. My year of living in, and only in, the real world. It's going to be hard. Really stinking super hard. But that 's just more evidence that I need to do it. And while I may post a picture of the kids on facebook from time to time (it's the only place I can keep track of their monthly baby photos!), read a few of my favorite blogs if I'm really needing a pick-me-up, or do a quick blog post if anything super exciting needs to be announced, as of now I'm signing off.  There are plenty of other blogs out there for you to read. Plenty of other people for you to keep up with on facebook. If you're going to miss me, then maybe you could give me a call sometime? Or plan a Skype date? Or hop on a plane and come visit because the beach is awesome and we don't get snow here.

It's going to take some time for me to get used to this. I do some of my best thinking on this blog. Heck, I even thought through this entire resolution by writing this post in my head. And I have no idea what I'll decide to do at the end of this year. But I've gotta give it a shot.

So here goes. I'm signing off. And giving my honest to goodness all out effort to live this year for them.

Behold, Your Mother

Do you know her? Your mother. The Blessed Virgin Mary. The mother of your Lord. Do you know her?

I've been in a blogging rut for quite some time and I think I finally know why. It became very clear to me while at a concert last night that I have been failing in my duty and mission to tell you, each and every one of you, about your mom. Yes, I know the title of this blog is named for Mary. Yes, I've written about her many times. But I've never really told you about her. I've never invited you to know her like I know her. I've shied away from it because I was scared. Nervous. Overwhelmed. Inadequate. You name it. I've wanted to write this post for four years but couldn't muster up the courage. What if I get a theological detail wrong? What if I can't answer the questions that people might ask? I'm not a theologian. And while I do read books and listen to talks about our lady, I can't ever seem to retain that information and spit it back out when I need to.

So I keep quiet.

And I don't talk about how much I love her.

Or invite you to fall in love with her too.

But here goes.

Ted surprised me with tickets to a Matt Maher and Audrey Assad concert last night. (Are they coming to your city? Go, go go!) It was at a local Baptist church that holds a Christmas concert every year around this time. Because both of those artists are Catholic, there was a huge crowd from the Catholic Student Union, local Catholic youth groups, and regular Florida Catholics like us. Plus lots of Baptists that belong to that church. Plus lots of other Christians in town that heard about the concert from local Christian radio. It was so beautiful to have people of so many different faiths in one location praising Jesus and singing Christmas carols together.

As a friend said, Audrey "sings flawlessly, effortlessly, like I what I imagine Heaven will sound like." She sang a song I had heard before but never really listened to. Gabriel's Message. The lyrics were the words the angel Gabriel spoke to Mary when he announced the coming of our Lord. Straight from scripture. Right out of the gospel of Luke.

The angel Gabriel from Heaven came

His wings as drifted snow, his eyes as flame; 

"All hail", said he, "Thou lowly maiden Mary,"

Most highly favoured lady, Gloria!

"For known a blessed Mother thou shalt be,

All generations laud and honour thee,

Thy Son shall be Emmanuel, by seers foretold,

Most highly favoured lady," Gloria!

Then gentle Mary meekly bowed her head,

"To me be as it pleaseth God," she said,

"My soul shall laud and magnify his holy name,"

Most highly favoured lady, Gloria!

It was beautiful. And powerful. And then, she told us that she was going to sing the same song again, only in Latin. And Matt Maher started playing the piano and the music sent chills up my spine. He was playing the interlude to Ave Maria. I've been Catholic my whole life and had no idea what the words to Ave Maria actually were. Then, in that Baptist church, Audrey Assad and Matt Maher performed the most beautiful version of this ancient song I had ever heard. Not a song worshipping Mary, as so many Baptists mistakenly believe we do. But a song remembering her pivotal role in bringing us our King. Remembering her heroic "yes" to God and His will for her life. Remembering the promise that all generations would call her blessed! We praised God with the same words that Mary used to praise Him. My soul shall laud and magnify His holy name.

And I just cried. Tears rolling down my cheeks. Because it hit me that so many of my friends and family don't know her. Don't know their mother. And I was overcome with this desire to tell you about her.

Why is it so crazy to believe that we can't go to Jesus in the same way He came to us? Through His mother. Why can't we love and honor and cherish this beautiful woman who our Lord loves so much? If God is our Father and Jesus our Brother, why do we reject His mother as our mother? Do you think that loving Mary could in any way diminish your love for Jesus? As if the respect and love I give my own mother-in-law could somehow make my husband jealous? Or hurt? Never.

Please, don't let some mistaken preacher who espouses false teachings about the Catholic Church's love for Mary keep you from knowing your mother. Don't let fallen away Catholics be your example for the role of Mary in your own life. Don't let what you might think of as "praying" to Mary, keep you from asking your mom for help. Asking your mom to be with you on this journey to Jesus.

I love my son. I think he is the most beautiful and wonderful little boy who has ever graced this planet. I would do anything to keep him from harm. I would lay down my life without question to keep him safe. And I know that there will never be another human being who will love him as much as I do. I see it in the relationship Ted and his mom have. I love my husband, but she loves him more. She always will. He's her baby and her only son and she is absolutely smitten with the 27 year old man who towers above her, beats her in tennis, and makes her laugh harder than anyone else can. She loves him like nobody else can love him.

If Mary loves Jesus even half as much as I love Paul and my mother-in-law loves Ted, then she most definitely loves Him more than any one of us. More than any saint who has ever lived. More than any priest or preacher or pope. She loves Him with a mother's love. Why not let her show us how to love Jesus? Why not ask her to help us love Him better? When Ted and I were first married I called my mother-in-law to get his favorite cake recipe so I could make it for his birthday. I went to her to help me love my own husband. And I loved him in the same way she had done for so many years. I didn't venture out on my own and decide to make a different cake. I sought the help of his mother.

Jesus wants us to ask His mother for help. He wants us to love and honor and cherish her just as He did. She's not just another Biblical figure like Ester or Ruth or Martha. She is the mother of our God. If we can strive to imitate these other beautiful women in the Bible, then surely we can strive to imitate the life of Jesus' own mother.

Please, ask Mary what kind of relationship she wants to have with you. Talk to her in your heart and open yourself up to the possibility that she wants to be your mother. If that freaks you out, then ask Jesus instead. Ask Him if He wants you to honor His mother. To take seriously the commandment to honor your father and mother and include His mother in that command. How could He say no? How could He not want you to love her and accept her prayers and her help.

I don't have all the answers for every misconception that exists about Mary. I can't perfectly explain Her role in the Church despite my belief in it. But I love her. And I know how much my love for her has helped me love Jesus. And it very literally brought me to tears knowing that so many of you might not love her. And even more, than you might not know of her love for you.

I couldn't help but think that some of the Baptists at the concert last night were moved to consider Mary in a new light after learning about the Ave Maria and seeing these two very Christian artists sing it in their church. I couldn't help but have hope that you might see her in a new light too. She's more than a statue in a nativity scene. More than a character that Protestants talk about once a year at Christmas time. I don't keep it a secret that I wish the whole world was Catholic. I wish everyone knew the power and purpose of the Church Christ established 2000 years ago. I wish everyone could experience the healing salve of confession and look to the saints in times of trouble. I wish everyone would really and honestly reflect on Jesus' command to eat His body and drink His blood and then receive Him every Sunday in the Eucharist. But more than any of these, I wish everyone would know His mother.

She's your mom. Do you know her? Behold, your mother. (John 19:27)

Why I Love (and Hate) Blogging

I think it's pretty obvious that I really like blogging. I wouldn't have spent the last four years pouring my heart and head into this thing if I didn't enjoy it. I do. My blog helps me process how I feel about certain things. It helps me connect with some really amazing people. It serves as my baby book and a way to share stories and pictures with family who live far away. I like to believe that sometimes it's a tool for evangelization. It allows me to help families with questions about speech therapy. And the countless emails I've received from readers with questions related to infertility assure me that it still serves as a beacon of hope or a source of information for those struggling to conceive.

It's all of those things. But it's also a huge time sucker. And an energy drainer. And, if I'm honest, sometimes a chore.

I've never been a secretive or private person. I've always worn my heart of my sleeve and said what I think and not really cared who heard it or what anyone thought. And sometimes that can be a really wonderful quality. Like when Ted and I give the NFP talks on the Engaged Encounter weekends. Staring at a room full of college students and young adults looking at us like we have a third eye or horns coming out of our head. But we're open and totally honest with them when we tell them things they might not know about birth control. When we open their eyes to the fact that it increases your risk for breast cancer and doesn't actually treat a woman's gynecological issues. We're open when we expose our sex life for strangers at the hope of helping them make good decisions with their own sexuality.

And we're able to do this because they are just that, strangers. We don't know that they're all already living together. We don't know that every woman in the room is likely already on the pill. We don't know that they think we're total nut jobs.  We realize these things are pretty likely, but we don't know them. And that helps us present the information in a factual way. Without worrying that we're going to personally offend someone or make anyone feel singled out. Am I making any sense?

That's the way it is with blogging. I write. You read. I don't even know who you are. Sure, I know a lot of my followers and are friends with them either in real life or online. I know that certain family members read regularly even though they rarely say anything. But other than that, I have no idea who reads these words. And I don't know what you think about them. I have family members who know a lot about me from reading these posts over the years, but I know next to nothing about them. They don't blog. We don't talk. We live days away. So it goes. There are college friends reading that I haven't talked to in years. Years! They know so much about me. So much about Hannah and Paul and what is going on in our lives right now. But I can't even remember how many kids they have. Or what their names are. Or what state they're even living in. Because blogging is inherently one sided, no matter how many comments I respond to or facebook friends I have.

And I guess, right now, that kinda bothers me. It bothers me to know so little about certain people who know so much about me. And it bothers me that blogging can sometimes feel like something I need to do rather than something I want to do. I'm not writing in the hopes of coming up with a solution. (Unless of course everyone I care about who is reading this would also start a blog and/or send me a lengthy email about everything that is happening in their life and their views on major moral issues as well as someone creating a computer program that could just read my thoughts so I didn't have to ever sit down and type them out. That would be a doable solution.) And I'm not making any sort of grand blogging exit announcement or fishing for comments begging me to stay. Just....bein' honest.

I like telling people about my life. I like recording it so I can go back and read about it whenever I want. I like the many true and authentic friendships I've forged through blogging and the people I've helped and the people who've helped me. For now, that's still enough to keep me hanging on.

So I'll keep writing. And extolling the virtues of the Catholic Church and complaining about the vices of the culture of death. And handing out personal information about our lives like candy to strangers on Halloween. For now.

I'm not addicted. I can quit any time. Promise ;)

Better Blogs and Pumpkins

Instead of waiting around here looking for something insightful or thought provoking to read, you should probably just mosey on over to Kendra's blog and read through her archives. Her most recent post is an answer to a question I asked her about the feeding of picky toddlers. I'm only a few days into implementing her suggestions and already seeing a huge improvement.

Her blog is pretty new to me but I'm really enjoy soaking up her wisdom as a Catholic mom of kids taller than two feet. Sometimes you just get a bloggy sense about people. And you just know they're good people and they are raising good kids. Ya know? Well I've got that sense about Kendra and I'm thankful for all the parenting advice she is graciously bestowing.

So if you want insight, look elsewhere. I'm in a bit of a blog-rut. But if you came here looking for pictures of my cute kids, well then I promise I won't disappoint.

We went to a pumpkin patch. Because it's October and that's what you do in October.

They had bunnies. For sale! And at 15 bucks a piece Ted said, "Maybe we should just get her one. It'd be cheaper than paying a babysitter to keep her entertained while we get stuff done around the house."

Not a bad idea....but no, we are not proud bunny owners. We resisted their charm.

There is something about that first pumpkin patch picture that just gets me. Paul's is no exception. (Hannah's was pretty cute too.)

Even when he makes this face.

Our big girl was brave enough to jump in a pit of corn with way too many kids taking up all the space. Maybe soon we'll be ready to actually slide down the slide at Chik-fil-a instead of just "habing nun watsing." What? You don't speak Hannah? That was "having fun watching."

Paul did not hab nun watsing. Or laying. But we managed to get him in and out with a picture before he ate any corn or got stepped on by a giant eight year old. Success.

My heart is as big as those pumpkins. And that's the cheesy truth.

And don't be surprised if we hit up another patch later in the month. I'm still holding out hope it might cool off enough to wear long sleeves while I pick out a pumpkin.

Quick Takes: Jackets, Quotes, and Unsolicited Advice

Joining Jen for some quick takes. Because seven little paragraphs are a lot easier to write than seven coherent blog posts.

-1-

It's fall ya'll. Well, "fall" since we are talking about Florida. It's chilly enough for about an hour in the morning to justify a jacket. And even though I'm back in shorts and a t-shirt by 9:30, the slight change in weather has been wonderful. Add to that the new slide a friend just gave us, and well we spent the whole dang morning outside. Allow me to decorate this entire post with pictures of my adorable children wearing JACKETS!

-2-

Thank you so much to anyone who commented or emailed me about my whiny rant about food allergies. You are all too kind. And it is so, so helpful to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I stumbled upon this gem this week and I could not stop laughing. And another story to add to my collection of "people are so stinkin nice I can't even believe it sometimes because I am so selfish and never think to do that" stories, a cousin of mine, who I haven't talked to in years, sent me a box of gluten and dairy free goodies. I didn't even know she knew I had a blog, much less that she read it. People are just awesome. Thanks Amy!

-3-

Another post this week got some great comments and I wish I had more time to respond and enter into a really good conversation about forming Catholic friendships. You should go read Jenny's post for more. Good stuff.

  

-4-

Some Hannah quotes.

Hannah: Mommy, when I get bigger I make your coffee for you!

Me: You will? You are the sweetest....and I'm definitely holding you to that.

While singing Immaculate Mary and rubbing my back at bedtime, (yes, you read that right. I love bedtime snuggles) she had her very first attempt at making a joke.

Hannah: Immaculate Mary, your praises we ning. You reign now in spendor wif Desus, our Ning. Ah-bay, ah-bay, ah-bay......Hannah.

Me: Ave Hannah?? Is that how it goes?

Hannah: Immaculate Mary, your praises we ning. You reign now in spendor wif Desus, our...doodle!

And when she discovered a package sitting at our front door:

"Mommy look! A mailbox!"

One whiny Tuesday morning:

Hannah: I want watch a show. Because I'm so sad.
Me: Awe, why are you so sad?
Hannah: Because I want watch a show.
Me: Well I can't argue with that logic I suppose.

-5-

A Trader Joe's just opened up in town. I've never been to one and am super excited to go. I'm absolutely positive I will love it. How could I not? The flyer we got in the mail was about 95% devoted to pumpkin spice everything. Anyone have a favorite (gluten free/dairy free) item that I need to check out?

I rock polka dots. You sport stripes.

-6-

How do you feel about getting unsolicited advice? I'm the queen of advice giving. Not because my advice is particularly helpful, but because I dish it out like candy at Halloween. I try to stop myself, but my mouth just takes over. I think a big part of it is my chosen profession. I've spent almost all of my career and time in grad school giving parents advice on how to help their child. It's like I'm a trained advice-giver. But I know some people really don't like that sort of thing.

I'm not a big fan of getting unsolicited advice but more so because it hurts my pride than anything. I'm just a tad arrogant and feel like when I get advice the other person is implying that I'm deficient. Which I probably am. And I usually need to hear the advice. But my pride, what can I say? I'm a sinner.

But every time I hesitate to give advice I think, "but what if this piece of advice could really help that person?" and I usually air on the side of giving too much information rather than withholding what might be able to help. I'm guilty of this with blog comments. I always try to "fix" things when sometimes people are just ranting and not looking for a solution.

So I guess I'm soliciting advice about unsolicited advice. Should I shut up? Should I write a blog post chalk full of all my unsolicited advice because everyone just loves what I have to say on every single subject? (That's a joke.)

-7-

I probably mentioned last year my distaste for all things "pink" for breast cancer. I still don't like it. Here's a good post explaining why. And this post really broke my heart and opened my eyes to how hurtful the "pink" campaign can be to actual victims of breast cancer.

Have a great weekend. We will be spending our two days of "fall" bliss watching a friend's triathlon and hopefully hitting up a pumpkin patch. If you thought these pictures were cute, just you wait!

Seven Quick Takes

-1-

I love reading everyone's Five Favorites posts. But for whatever reason, I can never seem to get one up in time to join the link-up. I wanted to write one from Paul's perspective this week. Here its that entire post in a nutshell: Paul's Five Favorites are 1) mom, 2) mom, 3) mom, 4) mom, 5) being in the water.... preferably with mom.

But it's ok because he's so stinking sweet. I finally found a way to upload pictures to my sister's borrowed Mac so all you people out there can see what a cutie we have.

Ay Ay Cap'n.

Future Cardinals MVP

That drool ain't nothing compared to what this kid can do

This one is from yesterday. We have a sitter! Note the soaking wet shirt, his fourth of the day. I hate bibs.

-2-

Hannah is getting so funny. She's starting to get a real sense of humor and I am loving it. Just a few days away from two and a HALF! She's transitioning from toddler to preschooler and it's fun and exciting and horrible and terrifying all at the same time. But there's this

and that's fun. Wearing Paul's pajamas and pretending like the wrapping paper roll is a cane. Just to make us laugh.

-3-

I think Hannah is inheriting Ted's love of biology. We went swimming Sunday and she could have cared less for jumping into the water, showing off her new swimming skills, or even playing on our friend's iPhone. All she wanted was these

disgusting things. Yes, we swam with frogs. And she will probably never have as much fun swimming without frogs as she did with them. Weird kid.

-4-

For my second quick take about frogs, a story: On the way home from seeing my client for speech therapy today I noticed a tiny frog sitting on my rear view mirror. He was nestled in between the mirror and the driver's side window. I was already on the interstate so I couldn't do anything about it (not that I would have really done anything if I were on a regular road...). I was nervous he was going to fall off so I did my best to send him telepathic signals to stay put right where he was and I would deliver him safely to his new home. Or let Hannah play with him until he wished he was dead. When I got to the a stoplight shortly before our house he tried to make a break for it and hopped to the other side of the rear view mirror, but when I took off again.....woosh! and smear! and no more frog. Apparently he didn't get my mind message.

-5-

In case you were wondering, I love my new job. Love it. I'm still in training but I'm certain I will love it even more when I get going on my own. I love getting out of the house and eating lunch with my coworkers. I love the new play skills that Hannah is picking up from the babysitter. I love that Paul is doing well when I'm gone. And I love that I'm making money. I don't love paying the babysitter from the money I make, but whatcha gonna do? I've been doing all ten hours in the office for training but will drop that back next month. Then comes the real test: working from home!

-6-

Ted and I are speaking at an Engaged Encounter weekend on Saturday. We are doing the NFP presentation and are just about finished tweaking our talk. Say a prayer for us and the couples will ya?

-7-

My email account changed up its format and I didn't pay attention. They sent me a message about that sat unopened in my inbox for a few days until I deleted it. I guess I should have read it because all of my comments from my last post about "changing the bar" were hiding. I thought it was a bit strange I got crickets on that one. I usually love to respond to commenters if they have their email linked, but I'm too behind on that one. Thanks for your comment if you left one!

And now I'm going to break a blogging rule and just forget about all the links in this post. Too lazy. And my computer is too slow. You're stuck with just me on this one with no clickables to take you away. Except for Jen, who is the host and deserves the link.

Quick Takes

-1-

I am the smartest woman alive. My extreme love of sleep has led me to discover a method of nighttime diapering that doesn't cost a fortune and lasts for 13 hours. I nurse Paul when I put him to bed, then again when I go to bed, then (usually) once during the middle of the night. And the kid is a peer. As in, one who pees. Not a person who is the same age. He soaks through the cloth in just a few minutes sometimes. And the disposables weren't making the cut either. I don't mind semi-waking up to nurse but I really mind completely waking up to change a diaper of a screaming baby.

That's where my smarts come in. One regular and one hemp diaper insert.....inside Hannah's size 4 diapers. He soaks through the first insert, then the second, then saturates the disposable. The whole thing weighs several pounds in the morning but I don't have to change a diaper in the middle of the night! He doesn't mind. The sheets stay dry. It's just the best.

-2-

Thanks to this new diaper invention, both kiddos now sleep in size 4 diapers. Hannah's only in them for naps and nighttime and it's usually dry after naps. If it is, I just leave it on the floor and put it back on for bedtime. The other day one of her used but dry diapers made its way into Paul's room. So I used it for his nighttime diaper. When I was putting it on I thought, "How cute, they're already sharing....."

If you think that's gross, you probably don't want to be my friend. That's not even the half of the level of gross I'm perfectly comfortable with.

-3-

I mentioned last week that I was sore head to toe after just two workouts with Jillian . I've managed to keep it up about every other day and, to my incredibly great surprise, am no longer sore. Or even very winded from it. I've only done the workout a total of 5 or 6 times and I can already tell that I'm in better shape. I had no idea my body (or any human body really) was capable of improvement that quickly. I might actually move to Level 2 at some point in this exercise experience.

-4-

I'm cheating and writing these Thursday night. Ted is watching the last game of the NBA Finals. I think San Antonio is going to win but I'm rooting for the heat. But really, I don't care at all.

-5-

My current mission in life is to make all of our dinners without turing on the oven. It is so, so, so hot. Even if I crank the air down, the stove and oven heat the kitchen up so badly that I'm getting light headed and weak (partly the fault of the giant nursing baby). So far this week we've used the grill or crockpot every single day. And the crockpot must be in the garage. Inside is not an option. Pulled pork, grilled meatballs, hamburgers, barbecued chicken, and kabobs. All without making me sweat :)

-6-

I think we're close to making a decision on a new laptop. We are taking (likely) advantage of my sister's generous offer to give us her 2006 MacBook and paying to get it up to shape. It needs a new battery and power cord and the software needs to be updated. But other than that it runs great. I'm hoping it's a good choice, because it'll be way cheaper than getting a new laptop that has everything we want (namely, a built in webcam that Hannah can't yank off when we Skype with family). When we get it I'll finally be able to upload all my photos and videos. These crappy cellphone pics are getting old.

I only have two pictures from the cellphone this week. One of them is Hannah sitting on her little potty typing on her leaptop. Adorable. But only aunts and grandparents got the privilege of seeing that one.

This one was taken at 10:00 in the morning when I was sitting in the shade and sweating like LeBron James at the end of this basketball game. Several friends had us over for pool play dates this week and Hannah was loving it. I might even get to sign her up for swimming lessons with a friend and I can't wait.

-7-

In bloggy news, my favorite blogger just moved to Patheos. She's still writing for the National Catholic Register too. So much goodness, I don't even know if I'll be able to keep up!

Have a great weekend everyone! Join Jen for more quick takers.

A Confession

I have a blogging confession. It's a big one. I might lose followers over this.

Ready?

I have no idea what Google Reader is and why it matters that it's gone.

There. I said it.

This is how I read blogs: I go to blogger.com. I sign in. I see all the blogs that I'm following. I right click and I open them up in a new tab. Then I click through and read them. So when I read a blog post, I'm reading it on that blogger's actual website. I like it that way. It helps me put a "face" to the name. And if they took the time to make their blog look a certain way, I want to view it as I read their words.

But I take it this is not how most people read blogs?

Why am I an idiot about this?

Does blogger.com=Google Reader? Or are they different? And is Google Reader already gone? Or is it about to expire? Is the way I read blogs going to be affected? That's the real question.

So I really don't understand all this bloglovin and feedly crap. I can't just read black words on a white page with no fancy headers and feel like I've read any blogs.

What am I missing? Help a clueless blogger out.

And our laptop has gone to laptop heaven. I may have helped it get there by dropping it on its side a month ago. I really wish I had moved "back up every single thing on the dying computer" to the very top of the to-do list. But as you can probably tell guess, it did not get done. A friend is staying with us this week and has graciously supplied his laptop for my blogging addiction. But when he leaves I'll be roughing it (with my Kindle....) until we get a new laptop. Dare we dive into the world of Mac? Most likely.....no.

Quick Takes

-1-

Yesterday, a terrifying thing happened. Our dresser fell on top of Hannah. (She is fine!) All of the drawers fell out and hit her but I caught it just before the actual dresser landed on top of the drawers. A glass jar candle that was sitting on top broke just inches from her face. We're fortunate it was a very lightweight dresser, that I was right there when it happened, and that she wasn't hurt. But what if.....

I remember reading about a little three year old girl who died while her parents were sleeping because her dresser fell on top of her. Her twin sister was even sleeping in the same room. When I read it I vowed to secure all of our furniture to the walls immediately. We already had the bookshelves secured, our dresser was the only thing left that needed to be anchored. We put it on the "to-do" list and it never got done.

Please, secure all your furniture to the wall. Guardian angels are wonderful, but we don't want to have to depend on them. Do it today. Do not put it off.

-2-

On a much lighter note, anybody have any good tv show recommendations? I am not someone who really enjoys tv. We hardly turn ours except to let Hannah watch Barney. But I have gotten into a few shows lately and I find that the short break every few days really helps. I love Downton Abby, obviously. Really enjoyed Once Upon a Time on Netflix. And I just finished the second season of Call the Midwife on PBS. But now I'm without a good series. Suggestions? It has to be available to be watched on Netflix or somewhere else online for free.

-3-

I cannot wait until Hannah is verbal enough to warrant her own regularly occurring "verbatim" type post here on the blog. Reading other people's kid's quotes are some my favorite type of posts. Especially when you know the kids and how adorable they are. For now, I'll just devote one take to Hannah's cute comments.

Hannah: Hannah yite Paul. (meaning, "I like Paul")
Me: Awe, you like Paul?
Hannah: Me too!

And while watching a lizard crawl up to the roof (which we talk about every.single.day. [they are probably just trying to get away from Hannah.] Look, that lizard is going to the roof. I bet the lizards are the roof. Lizard-roof. Lizard-roof. She even threw her plastic lizard onto her own roof where obviously belongs.)

Me: Oh Hannah, where do you think that lizard is going?
Hannah: (blank stare)
Me: I bet that lizard is going to the ______
Hannah: Library!

-4-

Tuesday morning was rough for us this week. I decided we needed to get out of the house before it got any worse, so we drove to the park that's just two minutes away (no, I cannot walk to it. it's already in the 90's here!) When we pulled up we saw that they had bulldozed the playground! What? We had just been there a few days before. I'm going to call and ask if they are getting rid of it all together or (hopefully) putting in a new one. Needless to say, our morning didn't get much better.

-5-

Tuesday afternoon, however, was great. We took a trip to the library (because obviously it was on Hannah's mind). Just like her daddy's, Hannah's cheeks get really red when she's hot and it was so hot that afternoon that she was red just from walking from the house to the car. When we walked into the library she threw open her arms and shouted "yibaewy boots!" (that's "library books" fyi) loud enough for everyone to hear. As she walked through the study area to the kids' section she was so excited that she waved at a random man and said "hi!". He smiled and turned to his friend and said "Did you see..." I thought he was going to finish his question with, "that cute little girl?" or, "how friendly she was?" Instead he said, "Did you see how red her cheeks were!?"

Oh Rosie, you certainly live up to your nickname.

-6-

I found a great deal of support from the comments on Wednesday's post about bonding with Paul. Thanks so much to everyone who made me feel not-crazy. If you've struggled at all with bonding with your kid(s) I suggest going back and reading the comments. Especially the sweet comment from sayin' i love you about love as a choice. So very true! I was loving Paul by feeding and clothing him, even though there weren't any mushy feelings that came with it.

I meant to include this video on the post and forgot. But now you get to enjoy it today. You're welcome.

-7-

I really want to write about how great Paul has been sleeping. But, One: that pisses off people whose kids are not sleeping. Rightfully so. Two: No one really wants to read about the length of his naps or nursing intervals. And Three: it will surely change drastically and immediately for the worse if I so much as brag for .2 seconds on how great it is. 

So I will just say.....Happy Weekend! Thanks as always Jen!

Five Favorite Blogs

It's no secret that I love blogs. Any family or friends reading this might think that it's silly or dumb or a waste of time. But anyone who is a "blogger" gets it. I'm linking up with Hallie today for Five Favorite and sharing my current top five favorite blogs.

All You Who Hope

Karey is like the gateway drug for Catholic Infertility blogs. Just about every Catholic infertile blogger I know has found the community through Karey's blog. When I started making connections and reading fellow infertility blogs back in 2010, I avoided Karey's like the plague. Every time I came across it I exited out immediately. She had a picture of her daughter Clara at the top and in my mind that made her someone I didn't care to know. I didn't even know her story but I was too wounded to be happy for her. When I finally read her adoption story, I felt like the biggest jerk in the blogosphere.

Karey is incredibly honest and tells it like it is. She doesn't pretend to have it all together for the sake of her blog and I love that. Her children are precious and her adoption story, then pregnancy, and then second adoption story are so beautiful and speak so much of God's providential love for us. She's beautiful and married to a famous news anchor and gets more comments on each post that I do in a month. If she was at my high school she would have been the most popular girl in class. But instead of being mean and nasty like the popular girls I knew, she's sweet and genuine and humble. Her blog will never leave my feed.

A Knotted Life

Bonnie takes honesty to a whole new level. She says what she's thinking every single time she posts. It's so refreshing. I've linked to her blog probably a dozen time because I love, love, love it. I've even said this before, but it was the first blog I ever read. My friend Alisha directed to me to her posts about miscarriage we were still waiting to conceive and I felt like a door had been opened for me. I went home that night and started my blog. Bonnie's blog continues to be a favorite.

Then there's the miraculous healing of her son of the fact that Archbishop Fulton Sheen is possibly on his way to sainthood because of HER prayers. Pretty stinkin cool.

Ted was oh so stinking close to getting a job about 40 minutes from Bonnie and I was super bummed when I found out I didn't get to become her real life friend. So glad she blogs so I can still learn from her wisdom and honesty and laugh with her great sense of humor.

Time Flies When You're Having Babies

I'm relatively new to Ana's blog. And when I did discover it, it took me months to get up the courage to comment. Why? Because she's Scott Hahn's daughter-in-law! Scott Hahn is the most famous Catholic convert and speaker in the country. (If I was up on pop culture I would make a celebrity comparison here. Who's even popular right  now?) (I've met him twice, no big deal.) Honstly, when I stumbled on Ana's blog, I was starstruck. But I finally commented and now I'm hooked. A faithful Catholic who is funny, sarcastic, and tells it like it is. So honest (are you seeing the honesty theme here?) She makes me feel better about my parenting (which sounds like a complete put down but it totally isn't!). In my mind anyone who bears the last name Hahn would NEVER do things like....wear jeans to Mass, or lose her temper with her kids, or use TV as a babysitter for a while. But it's true. She does. And I love every word of it.

Narrative Heiress

Ashley is a friend from my freshman year of college. I was so intrigued by her and ate up every second I got to spend talking with her about life. Spending a weekend discernment retreat at a convent with her is one of my favorite college memories. (For the record, the sisters were clamoring for Ashley to come back and spend more time in discernment. They just loved her. The sweet vocation director all but told me, "I don't think you should be a nun my dear.")  Ashley thinks about things more than any other human being on the planet. If you think you are someone who is constantly analyzing and questioning and seeking ways to improve yourself, well multiply that by twenty and you have Ashley. Her amazing writing (she's an English teacher) is only a small, small sliver of the profound thoughts that fill her mind every single day. She can take what I'm thinking and spin it into the most beautiful and eloquent blog post that leaves me saying, "How did you get inside my head!?"

She's currently pregnant with twins!! due any day or a month from now and transitioning into becoming a stay-at-home-mom to the twins and her three year old. I find myself wishing all the time that we could move back to our college town in Missouri and live near Ashley. I always felt inspired and empowered after hanging out with her and I really miss it.



House Unseen. Life Unscripted

You know anyone with a name like Dwija is going to be interesting. She is a beautiful Catholic convert with a house full of children and appears to be as almost as cheap as I am. She's another one who really tells it like it is and if you haven't read her recent post on NFP you are missing out. I may or may not use "Y U not?" in my daily conversation with my two year old because of her blog. "Hannah Y U not be sweet and cooperative right now?" She's newly pregnant and embracing the crazy, crazy life God's given her. A beautiful role model.

It was hard to stop at five. But Hallie made me. I could have talked about Sarah, who reminds me so much of myself exactly two years ago, or Haley who I love in real life and online, or hilarious Grace, or kindred spirit Cynthia, or Jenny, who I just discovered and can't believe I'm so late to the party, or Susan, my sweet new real life friend (who is sick right now. say a prayer for her!). But that would be cheating. (But really, you should go check them out too.)

What are some of your top five favorite blogs? Not that I need any more to read....

Why I Love My Husband

 

He teaches Hannah really important toddler stuff. Like how mommy buys her finger nail polish according to a normal distribution. Notice the bell curve.

As soon as I leave the kitchen, he changes whatever music I had on and turns on Kenny Chesney. The other day I came back in and caught him singing and dancing around the kitchen with Paul.

He brought Hannah some tadpoles that he found on an overnight work trip he had last week (what? Doesn't your husbands bring tadpoles back from work trips?) She LOVED them. Then he spent all weekend in the garage with her so she could play with them.

Since we're too chicken to tell her the tadpoles have to go bye-bye (actually, she killed most of them because she played with them too much....) he took them to work without telling her. To avoid a meltdown when he gets home from work and she asks to go play with them, he picks her fresh blackberries from the bushes near his office to distract her. Hopefully she'll forget about them in a few days.....

And his sweetness isn't just for the kiddos. Last night, after I complained that I wanted to re-do my blog but was having a hard time getting it done in one big sweep (Blogger-ever heard of a 'save' button??), he suggested I spend the evening doing just that. Then he did all the dishes, picked up the toys, and cut up veggies for the next few meals. While I sat on the couch with wine.

What do ya think of the new look? I was sick of the pictures at the top. I wanted it to be a bit cleaner but still have something to it. Did I succeed? Does the color combo work? Am I cheating for putting up a picture of myself from Easter Sunday when I only actually take the time to look like that about three times a year and normally have no makeup and messy hair? Yes. But I don't care.

Have you told your husband why you love him lately?

No More Mommy Wars Guest Post

Every once in a while I write some pretty controversial stuff on ye olde blog. Three of my all-time most read posts are about religion, politics, and natural birth. But nothing is as controversial as the guest post I wrote for Sarah today.

That's right. I wrote about babies and SLEEP!

Go read it and feel a little bit better about yourself.

How NFP Got Me Pregnant

In honor of Infertility Awareness Week, I wrote a guest post for my friend Haley at Carrots for Michaelmas  about how NFP and NaPro technology were crucial in our treatment of infertility.

Ok, that's a lie. I had no idea it was Infertility Awareness Week until I saw stuff popping up on facebook. And Haley asked me to write the post months ago. The fact that it went up today is a total coincidence. Or God-incidence? You decide.

It's long. And I promise I was doing my best to be brief! Brevity and me, we've never seen eye to eye.

Either way, check out my post and say an (extra!) prayer for all those struggling to conceive or waiting to adopt. Muchas gracias.

St. Gianna, pray for us!
St. Hannah, pray for us!

Quick Takes

-1-

Still here. Still pregnant. Still cranky.

-2-

And, as I expected, Ted and I both caught Hannah's cold. So now we're all three sick. More than anything this week I need to be distracted by play-dates and lots and lots of walks. I can do neither. We're going on day three of not changing out of our pajamas or leaving the house. And that's when Hannah and I start to get at each other's throats. Poor girl. She didn't ask for such a cranky, tired, sick, and overdue mommy. We'll make it up to you with the coolest little sibling ever sweet girl. Someday. Eventually. Maybe.

-3-

Moving on....I loved watching the little bit of coverage that I was able to catch on Benedict's final hours as pope yesterday. It served as a great distraction. And unless the conclave elects our new pope's really, really quickly (it hasn't even started yet) or this baby is determined to make me the most miserable woman on the planet-our second child will be born during a time of a no-pope Church. That will be a fun little factoid for their future. Kind of cool, I think. If it's a boy-how awesome would it be if the new pope took the same name we chose? Fingers crossed.

-4-

I can't believe it's taken me this long to figure out that honey and lemon in hot water make your throat feel better. Really, really quickly. Did everyone else already know this? I'm on my second mug now and my sore throat is just about gone. Now, what makes me have enough energy to do laps for hours on end?

-5-

Ted is being as sweet as he normally is and planning things to look forward to for each day ahead. Tonight-strawberries dipped in dark chocolate after Hannah goes to bed. Tomorrow-mozzarella sticks and limeades  from Sonic and a trip to our local zoo/museum. Sunday-nothing yet, but I'm sure we'll come up with something. Monday-oh my, I'm going to lose my mind just thinking about still being pregnant on Monday.

-6-

Hannah finally-after nearly a year of me asking-named her baby dolls. Her chosen names? "One Babies" and "Two Babies". I love it. She's so logical. Those are such "Hannah" names.

-7-

Trying reeeeeaaaallllly hard to not make this last quick take about being super pregnant.........trying not to mention how ready I am to meet this baby.........trying to end on a positive note.......oh! I know. I currently have 199 followers. Come one-someone make this pregnant lady's day and click follow. Put me to 200. It will make me happier than going into labor! Well,  no. Not even close. But it will make me smile :)

Update: "The Veil of Chastity": you made my stinkin' day. To be topped only by my water gushing all over the place. Thanks for being lucky 200!

Hope your weekend's more fun than ours! Unless we have a baby-then I hope ours is the best.

"Why I Love My Husband" Has Gone Viral

Maybe viral is a little bit of an exaggeration.  Ok, ok-it's a huge one. But my Why I Love My Husband blog series was featured on CatholicMom.com and the St. Joseph Educational Center's Bite-Size Faith blog.

Lisa Schmidt even mentioned me on her show this morning on Iowa Catholic Radio.

As the Catholic Mom article mentions, World Marriage Day is fast approaching (this coming Sunday!) I encourage everyone to think of just one thing they can do for their spouse to show their gratitude. You can always write a Why I Love My Husband blog post and link it up here!

I've read so many great posts by bloggers I would never otherwise "met" since I started the series almost two years ago. Unfortunately, I didn't realize I had the comments turned off and no one was able to share their link until just recently. Ooops. It's fixed now, so link away!

Click here to join in Why I Love My Husband.

The Beginning of Advent

I'm re-posting an oldie today to go along with the Little Holy Days Link-Up at Carrots for Michaelmas. I wrote this post on Christmas Eve, two years ago. We were 34 weeks pregnant with Hannah after dealing with two years of infertility. This Advent, we're again in our third trimester with a sweet miraculous child. And, as the last line of my reflection states, these last two years with Hannah (not quite two yet!!!!!) really have been an Advent, a preparation, for the little sibling that grows in my belly. If you take the time to read it, I hope it helps you prepare your heart for Christ's coming this Christmas in your own personal and unique way. And, if you are dealing with the pain of longing for a child, know that I'm praying for you in special way this Advent.

I realize that today is the last day of Advent, as we will celebrate Christmas at 5:00 pm Mass in just a few hours. Even so, I find myself reflecting on Advent's beginning. No, not November 28-just four short weeks ago-but Advent's real beginning-thousands of years ago.

Ted and I read a passage about Advent by Scott Hahn the other night and something dawned on both of us as we read it. I couldn't even tell you the line or phrase that jolted our thoughts, but we both had the same thought at the same time:

Advent didn't begin with the Annunciation. Mary's "yes" didn't put Advent into play. Advent marks the time from the beginning of history up until the moment Christ took His first breath. The entire world was in "Advent" for thousands of years as they awaited a Savior.

Yes, that may be strikingly obvious to some, but I had never really thought about that. I always thought of Advent as beginning when Jesus was miraculously conceived and ending at His birth in Bethlehem. But Advent is about waiting for our King and the waiting began long before Mary ever walked the earth.

It made us think about the events of history that brought us slowly out of Advent and into the time of redemption. The prophets of the Old Testament telling of the coming of the Messiah. Mary's immaculate birth and life spent preparing herself to be Christ's mother. Her visitation to Elizabeth and the leaping in the womb. The long, arduous walk to Bethlehem. And, of course, the silent and holy night that Mary gave birth to our Lord.

I've reflected often this Advent season on my own Advent, my own waiting period for my baby to be born. I've tried to prepare myself to be a worthy mother for this wonderful child. I've changed my eating habits, exercised more, taken my vitamins, and studied until I couldn't study anymore. In the same way, I've prepared my home for Christmas by decorating a tree, thawing out a turkey, and setting up our Nativity scene. But I've also been preparing my heart. Even if the baby blankets aren't washed and the crib isn't ready, it's my heart that really needs to be prepared for what's about to take place just six weeks from now. And so it is with Advent, it's much more important that my heart be in tune with Christ's than my tree be the prettiest on the block. It's much more important that my thoughts be directed towards thanksgiving for my Savior than my turkey coming out perfectly.

One more thought flowed out of my head when I first realized that Advent didn't really begin with Jesus' conception. My Advent, my time of waiting and preparing for my precious baby to be born didn't begin with her conception either. I've been waiting and preparing for this baby long before s/he was ever nestled in my womb. All the months of negative pregnancy tests, the surgeries, the medicine-these were all physical preparations, little Advents, bringing me closer to the birth of my baby.

But it goes back even further than that. If I really reflect on my life up to this point, I realize that my entire life has been a preparation for this little one. Whether conscious or subconscious, deliberate or passive, I have been waiting and preparing to mother this child for 25 years. Ted said that the studying we did in high school in order to get into college, the work we did in college in order to get a good job-all of this was preparation to be parents, whether we meant it to be or not. The years we spent dating, engaged, and married were strengthening the bond between us, preparing us for the difficult moments that surely lie ahead.

I remember the very first time I went to Ted's house the summer after we started dating. He was so excited to show me his collection of fishing rods that he had stored in his dad's garage. He had entered (and won-obviously) a local fishing contest for at least the last five years and the prize was always a fishing pole. He didn't need the poles for himself (he had plenty!) but he saved them and imagined giving them to his kids one day. He was just a kid himself and he was already thinking about his future children.

The time I spent playing sardines in my backyard with the neighbors. Summers spent taking bike trips to get Pepsi slushies and laffy taffy. Every childhood event and memory will serve to make me a better parent. Hopefully a parent that remembers what it was like to be a kid and encourages my own children to spend the entire day on their bikes and gives them change for Pepsi slushies, even though I know it's incredibly unhealthy.

My Advent is finally about to culminate with the birth of our first child. Hopefully, even the time spent raising this little one will be its own Advent for future siblings still to come.

Check out Haley's blog for more Advent posts!