Quick Takes (5) Pregnancy Style

This isn't really a typical Quick Takes, more like a random smattering of thoughts that have been swirling around in my head since finding out we're pregnant.  I'm only using the guise of Quick Takes to bring some order to this post :)

-1-

I had a strange reaction almost immediately after discovering that beautiful second line on the pregnancy test. In my overwhelming joy and excitement this thought dashed through my mind: "the days of just you and Ted are over." And if I'm being completely honest, that made me sad. Weird huh? The girl who has desired a family since she was 5 years old, the girl who has done everything in her power to make it happen, the girl who has fervently prayed and asked others to do the same hoping to be blessed with a child was now actually jealous of this little spec of a baby taking time away from her husband?? But I felt it slipping-the relationship that I have grown to love so much and am so comfortable in. It's been just me and Ted for two years and we LOVE it. Although we've been trying for children that entire time, we still relished the alone time we were given and enjoyed every second of it. It was a reaction I NEVER thought I would have and at first I was a little ashamed. I now realize that this speaks nothing of my desire for this child, but is only a testament to the absolute and total love I have for my husband.

-2-

This baby is going to be celebrated. Period. Yes, there are a million things that could wrong between now and the delivery. We might not ever make it that far. This little one's heart could already have stopped beating or could be dangerously growing in my tube at this very moment-but that doesn't matter. We co-created life. We have a child. We're parents. No matter what happens, those statement remain true. Yes, a miscarriage would be absolutely devastating, as far too many of you know. But a miscarriage would not change the fact that I have a little baby in me right now that is calling out for joy and celebration. If this little one dies before he is ever born, it would sadden me to know that when he gets to heaven and looks back on his short little life, he would discover that his mommy and daddy weren't that happy about him being there. That they were guarded and cautious and scared and didn't enjoy EVERY SECOND of his short little life on earth. I am vowing to enjoy every second of this-no matter what!

-3-

You may have noticed that I used "he" in the previous take, but we obviously have no idea what this little poppy seed is yet. And we're not going to find out. (gasps from the crowd I am sure!) Ted is really adamant on this and I'm fine with it. He says that "people spend way too much time planning for things these days and don't know how to just let things happen," And while I think his reasoning is kinda funny, I do think there are some good reasons for keeping the gender unknown. No matter if it's a boy or a girl, I want to have everything in neutrals. We're obviously hoping to have (many) more and it just makes financial sense to spend money on things that will work for every child that may come into our home. Ted is beyond excited to hear those words "it's a _____!" He's so cute.

-4-

I don't like calling a human being "it" so I've been referring to this baby as "he" or "she" interchangeably. Sometimes I use one, sometimes the other. It's just whatever comes out first. But last night at a ladies' night out I actually said the words, "when the kids get here." I stopped myself right away, but it was too late. I think I may have actually put my hand over my mouth in shock, but that didn't stop my friend Angie from pointing it out. Freudian slip perhaps?? We'll know June 14th.

-5-

And I can't continue this post without mentioning my thoughts on multiples. Everyone has seen the ultrasound pictures from our follicle study. Yes, there were three. Yes, they all ruptured. Yes, that means three eggs. Does that mean I'll have triplets? Probably not. Most women on Clomid release more than one egg and over 90% of them only conceive one baby. Our doctor said that even with three eggs our chances of multiples were slim, especially for triplets. The thought of triplets actually terrifies me. Not the part about having three babies to take care of, but the part about having three babies INSIDE OF ME! I will obviously take whatever the good Lord gives, but my size makes me nervous. Those that know me know how small I am. And for those that don't, let's just say that I still shop in the juniors section.....the small end of it.....and okay okay, I still fit into little girls' clothes. Triplets just seem impossible.

-6-

But twins....now that's a different story. I wasn't really thinking about the possibility of twins until receiving so many comments from family, friends, and bloggers. I have actually always wanted twins. Two babies for the "price" of one? Does it get any better?? My mom is a twin. My grandma (dad's side) is a twin. And my grandma's aunt (or something like that) is a twin. That alone makes a person wonder. And then there's Ted's side. His uncles are twins. And if you go back just two more generations there are 11 sets of twins in his family!!! Yes, I said 11. You read that correctly. That brings the grand total to at least 15 sets of twins between the two us in the last three generations. So am I thinking twins are a possibility? You bet ya.

I'm trying really hard not to get my hopes for twins, however. Obviously the miracle of God creating just one life in the womb of a woman who never thought she would conceive is mind blowing. I trust that God will give us exactly what we need. He knows us much better than we know ourselves. Thank the Lord!

-7-

Over the last week and a half there have been many, many times in which I can't believe I'm pregnant. It just won't sink in that God has actually granted our request for children when I doubted for so long that it would ever happen. But I have been so humbled by learning about the power of prayer. I can't think of a single person we told (who knew of our struggles, which included almost everyone) that didn't respond with the words, "I've been praying for you!" We're talking beautiful, holy, God fearing people. That were praying for US! Why did I ever doubt that God would hear their prayers? And then I get stories from friends about how their children were praying for us. One little girl that I used to babysit took it upon herself to email the sisters and brothers at EWTN and ask them to pray for us to conceive. My friend just told me that her four year old daughter has been praying "St. Gerard, pray for Ms. Kaitlin" every night for a YEAR!! Ted's response: "I don't know if I even prayed that well every night for a year!"

I'm just in awe of the power of prayer. And regret that I ever doubted it.