Finding Out

I've got to get this down and out of my head. It's only been a week but I'm already starting to forget the precious little details that brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my face. This might be long, but I want to capture every moment. For myself and for my little one to read someday.  Here goes:

May 12: I ovulated! Possibly for the first time ever, which is a crazy thought! Three prefect little follicles. My hopes are sky high! Our timing is perfect, although ovulation pain almost makes that impossible.

May17: 5dpo. Spotting. Just once-but it sends me into shock. I send this email to Sew and JBTC:

spotting, spotting-I just had spotting! I have NEVER EVER EVER EVER had spotting during my luteal phase. I ovulated last Wednesday night-so it's been 5 days since my "possible" ovulation. (read my u/s update if you get a chance) Is that when implantation bleeding would occur?? I have no idea! It was just the tiniest little bit, I kept hoping there would be more but there wasn't. Oh my gosh-I'm trying to not to assume anything. But this is definitely the closest I have ever been to being pregnant. Prayers PLEASE!!!

This is followed by cramps for about an hour. I am just positive that I have conceived. I don't say anything to Ted for fear that I'm wrong. I don't want to get his hopes up.

May 20-22: I start testing at 8, 9, and 10 days past ovulation. All negative. In my head I know it's too soon, but I'm so hopeful I can't help it. Usually by this point in my cycle my boobs are huge, my face is breaking out like crazy, I have lower back pain, and eat more carbs than one would think possible. None of this is happening. Ted actually notices the missing boob symptom. He gets his hopes up but doesn't tell me he's suspecting. Ha!

May 23: I don't test this day but I'm eating like crazy. I had seconds and thirds at lunchtime and then ate again at a bridal shower an hour later. I can't stop putting food in my mouth. Ted notices this too but doesn't say anything.

May 24: I'm rushing to Wal-Mart after work to buy more pregnancy tests. I'm on the phone with my mom and realize that my car is running out of gas. I barely make it off the highway before it dies completely. (No Ann, this wasn't the same time as when I was talking to you. I actually did this twice in as many weeks! Too early to blame that on pregnancy brain??) My great friends Jude and Alisha come to my rescue and put enough gas in my car to make it to a gas station. They were planning on coming over for dinner that night and now I was super short on time to get to the store, get home, and make dinner.

As soon as I get home I sneak into the bathroom and take a test. Ted has no idea and is out in the kitchen cleaning things up. I put it back in the wrapper and clean the bathroom while I wait. I do the usual pregnancy test inner monologue.  "It's negative. It's negative and that's ok. You'll be ok. It's going to be negative. Get ready for the negative." I pull it out of the wrapper and can barely make out the faintest little blue line. But it's definitely there. A positive pregnancy test. I have never seen one before. It's hard to describe the way I felt at that moment. My heart starting beating a million times per minute, my eyes welled up with tears. It literally felt like the room was spinning. I stared at it in disbelief.

You can't really see it, but I promise it's there!

I had always wanted to tell Ted in a sweet, surprising way (and he really wanted this too) but when the time actually came I couldn't hold it in for even a second. I busted out of the bathroom and ran into the kitchen holding the test, but Ted wasn't there. He had gone to check the mail but I didn't know this. I ran outside and started screaming his name. He didn't hear me. I panicked at the thought of the test fading and him never getting to see it (stupid I know-they definitely don't do that). I ran to get the camera and take a picture in case he didn't get back in time. He walked in on me taking a picture of the test. I felt like a little kid getting caught doing something wrong. I hid the camera and test behind my back and just stared at him. I couldn't even get my lips to move and form the words I wanted to say. I was crying and he just stood there, not knowing what to do. He was actually thinking that I was sad because I had just started my period. Finally I got out the words, "I think we're pregnant." His face lit up. "Really?" he said. I showed him the test. He started screaming. I started bawling. We hugged but not for long because he kept throwing his hands in the air and yelling. I buried my face in his chest and just sobbed. I was so overwhelmed.

I knew our friends would be arriving any minute and I wanted to call my doctor. It was after 5:00 so I called his cell phone. When I told him the news his response was "Praise God!!" He told me to get a pen and paper and started rambling off the litany of tests and appointments I needed to start on. He was so happy. It was so awesome talking to him. While I was on the phone Jude, Alisha, and their daughter Joan showed up for dinner. I ran into the bedroom so they wouldn't hear my conversation. They talked with Ted for a few minutes while I finished talking to my doctor. They both thought Ted was acting kind of weird and wondered if he had had something to drink. When I came back into the kitchen they were trying to get Joan to tell me something. I couldn't understand what she was saying (they later told me it was "gas". Very funny!) but I bent down and whispered "baby" in her ear. I told her to say it out loud and she whispered it. "Louder," I said. "Baby!" she yelled! Jude got it right away. "You're going to have a baby?" I couldn't even nod, I just sat there and smiled with tears in my eyes. Every yelled and hugged. Joan ran around the room shooting "yay!" It was surreal.

I immediately went back into Kaitlin mode and said, "I need to start on the spaghetti." "You're not making spaghetti!" Ted yelled, "we're going out to eat!" So we did. We went out to a great restaurant downtown and had a delicious meal. We talked about baby names and nursery furniture and everything I hadn't let myself talk about until then. It was literally a dream come true.

Our first picture as parents!

Jude and Alisha celebrating with us!

Joan, the bearer of good news.

No celebration beer for me!!

We went to bed that night calling each other "mommy" and "daddy". Ted slept with his hand on my belly. We thanked God for answering our prayers and the prayers of so many we know. We were parents. We had a baby. Life had changed forever.