Naming Hannah

Hannah's name was picked out for her nearly six years ago. And it all started with.... Toy Story.

Neither Ted nor I are big movie quoters, but one movie that always seems to find its way into Ted's conversation is Toy Story. It was the end of our freshman year of college. We had just started dating a few weeks earlier. We were hanging out in my dorm room when Ted quoted a line from the movie and asked if I knew what it was from.

"Hannah! Oh Hannah!"

For those of you who aren't up on your Toy Story trivia, Hannah is the little sister of Sid, the mean neighbor of Andy, the owner of Woody the Cowboy. Woody is in Hannah's possession and he is trying to break free. He pretends to be Hannah's mom and calls to her to get her out of the room.

"Mom?"

Ted quoted the line perfectly and I immediately knew which movie it came from. I laughed because his voice sounds exactly like Andy's (and because I was falling head over heels in love with the guy and thought everything he did was adorable...)

Then he said it.

"Hey. when we have a daughter someday we should name her Hannah just so I can use that line from the movie."

When WE have a daughter?? We hadn't even said "I love you" yet and Ted mentioned US having a daughter! It may have just been a slip of the tongue, but I was beaming inside!

That one statement led to us referring to our imaginary future daughter as "Hannah" in the early months of our dating relationship.

A few months later, in the summer of 2005, I read Life Giving Love by Kimberly Hahn. (If you haven't read it-you should!) The book is about the beauty of the Church's teaching on marriage. One chapter touched on the blessing and gift that children are to a marriage and described why it's so important to be open to the life that God wants to give you . She writes:

Consider for a moment the Old Testament account of the reward God gave Hannah, the prophet Samuel's mother (see 1 Sm 1). She not only had a natural desire for a child-mocked as she was by her husband's fruitful second wife-but she also had a supernatural desire to further the kingdom of God. She knew that Israel was suffering under poor leadership, and she was willing to give up her child, should the Lord bless her, for the sake of Israel.

God took her at her word. After many years of prayers, with tears, she heard the Lord speak through the priest Eili that she would have a son. When that son, Samuel, was three years old, she weaned him and then-brought him to live with Eli for the rest of his life. (It's hard to fathom the sacrifice involved here!)

Listen to the acount of Eli's blessing, following the couple's annual visit with Samuel.

Then Eli would bless Elkanah and his wife, and say, "The Lord give you children by this woman for the loan which she lent to the Lord"; so then they would return to their home. And the Lord visited Hannah, and she conceived and bore three sons and two daughters. And the boy Samuel grew in the presence of the Lord.     

1 Samuel 2:20-21 (emphasis mine)

Her reward was give more children! Do we think of children in the same was-as rewards?

And it was as if a lightbulb went off in my head. At this point I knew that I was called to marry Ted and I knew we were going to have a daughter named Hannah. Finally I knew (or thought I knew...) why that was to be her name! I had found a man who was willing to reject the culture of death with me and shun contraception and the materialism of the world. We would be open to the life that God wanted to give us. We would name our first daughter Hannah as a gesture to the belief that children are only and always blessings and gifts and we'd have tons more just like Hannah and Elkanah.

With a big smile on my face I finished the rest of the book that same night. The last chapter deals with infertility. Kimberly also mentions Hannah in this part of the book, since Hannah was barren for so long before she had Eli. It never occurred to me that maybe *that* was why the name Hannah stuck out to us....

Just a few months later in October 2005 I met my first NaPro doctor and discovered I had endometriosis. I knew nothing about it when he told me my diagnosis but sobbed in his office and asked, "Am I going to be able to have children?" I walked back into the waiting room where my boyfriend, Ted, was waiting for me. I couldn't speak. I cried during the entire elevator ride and the walk back to the car. I cried all weekend while we stayed with his family and went to a Cardinal's game and tried not to think about what this would mean for the future of our family.

I can't remember when it hit me exactly. Sometime between October 2005 and October 2009 (when we started seeking medical treatment for infertility). I can't remember if it was during a reading from the book of Samuel at Mass or just a thought in my head as I was driving one day. But sometime during that four year period-I realized why God had put Hannah's name on our heart. And it hurt.

I knew we were going to have problems getting pregnant. A successful surgery to remove the endo in August 2006 did little to calm my fears.

I knew God would make a Hannah out of me.

Years later I sit in our spare bedroom with a changing table and dresser full of pink clothes typing up a blog post while my beautiful daughter sleeps in her cradle.

I prayed for this child and the Lord granted my request. Now I, in turn, give [her] to the Lord...

1 Samuel 2:27-28

 I am unworthy of the gift He has given me. I am forever grateful.

And just because I can't resist..... Hannah, you've got a friend in me ;)