Creative Generosity

A while back a blogger posed the question: How do you want to be remembered?


Some of her examples were "honest", "joyful", "kind". The first word that came to me when I read the question, the answer that came straight from my gut, was "generous."

Generous? I think I actually laughed out loud. Who in the world would remember me as generous? I'm far, far from it. And probably even the opposite-greedy, hoarding, stingy.

It's no secret that Ted and I are cheapos. But it's not because we hate spending money-it's because we don't have much to spend. Managing our finances on one modest income takes a lot of hard work and creativity. And in order to make it work, we're forced to be cheapos. Cloth diapers, beans and rice, cutting our own hair, reusing aluminum foil-whichever way you look at it-we're cheap. And it shows in our gift giving. We honestly just can't afford to give lavish gifts, however much we want to. I try to keep birthdays, father's day, etc under five dollars. Not an easy task-and it's probably not always received well. But it is what it is.

But generosity isn't only about gift giving, although that is certainly a part of it. Generosity calls us to give of our time, talent, and treasure. If our treasure is in short supply, surely I can try to be generous with the other two. But I'm just.....not.

I have wonderful examples of generosity all around me. Friends who bend over backwards to try to help and never expect anything in return. One friend, Haley, is the embodiment of generosity. When I have old clothes to get rid of I take to them to a consignment store so I can make money to buy more clothes. But Haley came up with the idea of having a clothing exchange. I'm embarrassed to admit that I was reluctant to participate for the fear that I would give everything away and not get much in return. Ugh. I'm so greedy. And today, she let Hannah and me have two of her passes to the aquatic center in town so we could swim for free. I know myself. It would have been VERY hard for me to do the same for her. I did give her two cute outfits I didn't need for her little girl. But even this gesture of generosity was tainted. They were the only two outfits that the consignment store wouldn't pay me for.  Was ten bucks really worth it? Wouldn't it have been better to give her all of it-she's making due on one income too! And the clothes were GIVEN to me! Yes, I'm that bad.  I don't "pay it forward"-I just think about getting paid! I'm reluctant to let friends borrow things for fear they'll be ruined and I won't be able to afford to replace them. But I happily borrow items from these same friends all the time. Un-generous for sure.

Last night Ted mowed our yard for the first time (the owner of our duplex just laid down sod, we only had a dirt pit before). I asked him to mow our neighbor's half so she wouldn't have to worry about it. She was stressed about having to pay her lawn guy more to have it mowed. While he was out mowing last night Hannah and I watched him out the window and I thought, "I'm not doing anything to help her. I'm not doing anything to help anybody." But it occurred to me that staying inside with a sixteen month old by myself is most definitely a sacrifice, especially after being alone with her for the first 10 hours of the day. It took him double the time, time I could have been using to have a bit of respite from my motherly duties. So in a way, I was generous. It wasn't huge. But it was something. And today our neighbor called crying to thank us. Her brother is dying and she just came home from seeing him for what might have been the last time. She told me that seeing her yard brought her more joy than I could know. I got a sense of what it feels like to be generous.

All this to say-I need to learn generosity. But I don't have any money-so I need to learn to do it creatively. In giving of my time-well most of my friends have their parents in town and aren't in need of babysitters. And time is hard to give when I have a toddler in tow. And talent? I can't even think of what my talents are. I give out therapy advice to friends who ask for it. But that's hardly being generous-that's just being a therapist.

So I'm not sure how exactly I want people to remember me. But if "generous" is at all what I desire, I better get to work. Does anyone have any ideas of generosity that don't involve money??