My Heavy Heart

Oh so much to say. What really needs to be said? What should I just keep to myself? Who is even reading this blog anyway? Are all those family and friends who disagree with me gone-did they leave long ago?

I don't want to write about the horrible election results. But I don't want to not write about it and go on blogging as if nothing has happened. Something has happened. Even if that something is just a continuation of the crappiness we already had.

It's an understatement to say that my heart is heavy. My spirit crushed.  Not just because Obama was re-elected, but because people actually wanted it to happen. I'm sad that people actually voted for him. Put their stamp of approval on a man who is bringing such serious evil to our country. Even one vote for him is too many. This is the direction our nation is choosing-the Democratic platform of abortion, euthanasia, gay "marriage", perpetual welfare. How can my country desire these things? Where have all the Christians gone?

A friend on facebook (a liberal friend who I really get along with) posted on my facebook wall: Lets work together for the good. Take a positive approach and lets make progress. Don't give up.

And I know she meant well, but all I could think was, "Work together for the good??? How is that possible when we have completely different ideas of good?"

No, we cannot work together with people whose goals are completely different from ours. We cannot work together with those who desire a completely different nation. I see talk of "compromise" and "why can't we all just be purple instead of red and blue" and it's just such total crap. Compromise? What's the compromise between wanting abortion to safe, legal, celebrated, and paid for with my money and wanting abortion to be non-existent? How do we work together for the good when I value religious freedom and you value free birth control? There is no working together with those who do not truly desire good, but only what they perceive as good-which is clearly and absolutely evil.

So work together for energy independence, immigration reform, rebuilding our economy-yes of course.  But if you think those things are what this election was about you are sorely mistaken.

But I will listen to part of my friend's advice. I will not give up. Ever.

I fear for our country. I fear that Hannah will never grow up in the Christian nation that I knew as a child. I fear we will never go back to that country and our rights and freedoms will continue to be stripped away in the name of "tolerance" and "choice".

I fear that I'm inadequate to raise children who are capable of withstanding the assaults that are ahead. Can I truly raise martyrs? Am I even strong enough to be a martyr myself? Maybe not to death, but to jail? Or to joblessness? What will I be asked to sacrifice for my faith? And I'm sure some will read this and think I'm being melodramatic and that it can't possibly come to that. I hope you're right. But I believe you're wrong. It's already happening.

Yesterday was a very hard day. I fought back tears in the morning and let them go in the afternoon. I hugged Hannah and told her I loved her ten times more than usual. I was blessed to participate in a woman's night with our Families Following Christ group. We didn't have to skirt around the issue-we dived right in. We knew that not a single one of us voted for Obama and his agenda of lies. It wasn't  what was best for our families or for following Christ. And the wisdom of these beautiful woman helped me greatly.

As Catholics, we welcome the suffering. The persecution. The attacks that lie ahead. Saints will be made. Families will be divided. But God's will will be done.

My goal hasn't changed just because half of our nation chose death Tuesday. Half of "Catholics" chose death Tuesday. And half of my gender "voted with their lady parts" instead of their hearts and heads. My goal is still heaven. And Obama is probably doing me a real favor by making my path to heaven a little easier. Because everyone's path must involve suffering. And we're going to get our fair share.

Some have said that we can "turn it around" at the midterm elections. That we just need to "get through these next four years" and it will all be ok. But electing a Republican president in four years is not the answer. My hope does not, nor has it ever, lied in the Republican party. They are far, far greater than the Democrats that is for sure. But they will only slow down the train wreck that our country is headed for. My hope must lie in Jesus. I must conform my heart to His. And I have Obama to thank for renewing my conviction to my Church,  my God, and my love for this country. But also for my heavy, hurting heart.