Read Part 1: The Awesome Part
here.
Part 2: The Sucky Part
We got into our labor and delivery room around 4:00 am. Our doula put all of our things away, taped our birth plan to the door, and turned down the lighting. The nurse filled up the labor tub and I labored on my knees on the bed while I waited.
When the tub was ready I happily climbed in. It was.....just ok. I wasn't expecting it to take away every ounce of pain, obviously. But because I wasn't able to sit down, I couldn't really get comfortable. I squatted against the side of the tub, but that kept half of my belly out of the water which kind of defeated the purpose. And although it did help me to relax, I wasn't loving it. I drank lots of juice and water to keep from getting overheated. Ted, Amy, and I talked to pass the time because at this point contractions had spaced out to every five minutes or so.
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| I had no idea I was this tired! I thought I was bright eyed and grinning for this picture! |
After about an hour I started feeling the urge to push. It was intense and painful and felt weird. I started grunting and straining and didn't know what to do. It didn't exactly feel right to push but it hurt too bad not to. Amy could tell I was heading into transition and got a bag in case I got sick to my stomach. I told them to call the nurse and that I wanted out of the tub. I thought this baby was on his way!
When the nurse checked me I was a seven. Not what I was thinking I would be, but it was still progress. I was more confused than discouraged. My nurse could sense my confusion and told me, "You're definitely in transition Kaitlin. Don't get discouraged." I repeated to myself, "This is transition. This is short. You can do this. It won't last long." in between contractions to sike myself up for what would be taking place. We had been in labor for only five hours at this point but the end was in sight! That was around 5:00 am.
Out of the tub my contractions started to become much more painful. And then the back pain started. Oh the back pain! It felt like my lower back was just going to fall off. Just disconnect from my body like a hubcap would fall off an old car. Amy and the nurse suspected this meant that the baby was sunny-side-up and started talking about different positions that would help to turn him. I labored in the bed on my right side with my left leg propped up high against a peanut shaped birth ball. It hurt. I hated trying to relax through contractions in this position, but I knew we needed to turn the baby. Only a few contractions in, I felt something that felt like turning. It actually felt like the head inside my birth canal just rotated in a circle. I have no idea if this is what actually happened, but I know it hurt.
After another hour of this, around 6:00, I got checked again and was an eight and baby had moved down to a +2 station. Things were moving pretty quickly! Contractions were intense and painful but I was still doing a great job going limp, relaxing, and low moaning through each one.
At 7:00 our nurse was finished with her shift. She told me that our new nurse, Karen, used to be a doula and loved natural birth. Perfect. She also told me that Karen had another nurse with her who was training for the labor and delivery floor. She
also had a student nurse shadowing her and asked if would be ok if she came in. I said something like, "Sure, as long as she stays in the corner and shuts up." Our first nurse left and our new team of
three nurses came in. It was around that time that my doctor also showed up.
I was still having intense back pain, despite using the birth ball for so long, so he brought in an ultrasound machine and checked the baby's position. Even though I was starting to get pretty groggy at this point, I had the clarity of mind to say, "Don't let us see the gender!" On the screen popped a beautiful little spine-baby was in the "perfect" position.
At this point I had been in transition for nearly three hours. And although I was progressing, it was slow. I hadn't had any sleep since the night before and was getting very, very tired. Our doctor suggested trying to increase the intensity of contractions through either nipple stimulation or pitocin. He pushed for the nipple stimulation first, since it was the natural choice. I was very discouraged. I had gotten out of the tub thinking we were about to meet our baby over two hours before! And now I was being told that I needed to do something to try and make the baby come sooner! I figured if I we had a while to go I may as well get back in the tub. I reluctantly got back in and turned it up as hot as I could handle it. I sat under the faucet and did the nipple stimulation constantly, even through my contractions, which was quite painful.
I was wearing down. I started to fall asleep in the tub between contractions, even though I was trying to do the stimulation. I didn't want to talk or think. I just wanted to sit under the faucet and go to sleep. I started talking about getting an epidural-something I had never done with Hannah's birth. I didn't want it for the pain. The pain I could handle. I just wanted to sleep. I told our nurse I wanted an epidural and she encouraged me to keep going. She talked me into giving her "just one more hour" before talking about it again. I argued for a bit, but consented.
Ted and Amy got me out of the tub around 8:00 and dried me off. We asked to get checked and got wonderful news! Nine centimeters-with just a little bit of a cervical lip! I had the exact situation with Hannah and the nurse just pushed it over her head during the next contraction. I immediately started pushing and out she came.
When I heard that "nine with a lip" I yelled, "Push it over the head!" The doctor told me to push on the next contraction and tried to move the last bit of cervix over the baby's head. Oh it hurt. Oh my did it hurt! Pushing felt strange and weird and painful-nothing like when I pushed with Hannah. Our doctor said he couldn't move the lip and said we needed to just keep laboring. I was pretty distraught. Karen, our nurse, suggested we try squatting to get the baby to move down and get the lip around his head. She broke down the bed and set up the birth bar.
"What do you expect me to do with that?" I asked. She said, "Hang from it like this and squat as low as you can."
Um, not gonna happen. At this point I was so weak that I couldn't even hold my own cup of juice. There was no way my arms could support the weight of my body. Thankfully, Ted knew just what to do. He stood as a post and held me up under my arms and then lowered me into a squat for each contraction. I squatted as low as I could and it was
low. My butt was just an inch or so from the floor and once again I was thankful I had done my pregnancy exercises. I can't remember how long we did this-but I was hopeful that it would work after just a few contractions. Our nurse checked us after just a bit and found that stubborn lip still in place.
She tried to push it back, just as our doctor had done. When she couldn't I begged her to just "shove it over the head!" She told me that it would cause permanent damage and that we just had to keep going. I asked for the epidural again.
Once again everyone was encouraging me to keep going. They reassured me that we didn't have long to go. They asked what position I wanted to be in and I couldn't even answer. I had no idea. I couldn't think straight. They got me up on the bed and our doctor suggested we try the nipple stimulation again. They raised the back of the bed and I knelt against it with my arms dangling over the top. Ted did the stimulation because I was too weak at this point. The back pain, which had never gone away, suddenly became
intense. I needed someone to apply counter pressure through every contraction. The young nursing student was the lucky one who got to stand behind me, just inches from my bare butt, and push on my back as hard as she could. For over an hour.
I remember being in this position for a really long time. I could barely speak. All I could say was, "Hot. Cold. Nauseous. Back." If I said "hot" they put a wet rag on my neck. "Cold" and they threw a blanket over me. "Nauseous" and they waved peppermint oil under my nose. "Back" and they pushed harder. Amy and Ted were on each side of me. Ted stayed up by my head encouraging me and rubbing my arms. Amy rubbed my legs and tried to get the tension out of my feet. The nurse in training constantly refilled my juice cup and the student nurse pushed on my back. It was quite the team effort.
At some point they moved me onto my side and propped my leg back up on the peanut birth ball. I didn't have the energy to hold my leg up so they had to hold it for me. I slept between contractions, as they were now seven minutes apart. I couldn't voice what I was thinking, but I remember being worried that we were headed for a c-section. I couldn't lift my legs or hold a cup. How was I going to push out a baby? I was still doing great relaxing through each contraction-but I was completely out of energy. Ted was thinking the same thing too, although he didn't want to mention it and make me scared.
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| Laboring? Or dying? |
Our doctor came in around 11:30 and suggested we try pitocin to get the contractions closer together and finally get me fully dilated. He said that we had given the nipple stimulation a chance and that it hadn't worked. He promised it would be on the lowest dose necessary and he guessed that it would work quickly. He was so nice and apologized that we were deviating from our birth plan but assured us that he thought it was for the best.
I was terrified of how painful the contractions were going to get with pitocin. They were already so overwhelming. I asked for an epidural again but everyone reassured me that I could do it. We were so close. After they hooked up my IV, I immediately started whining and moaning and crying. Our nurse asked what was wrong and I said, "It hurts!" She gave me a smile and said, "Kaitlin-it hasn't even gotten into you yet." It was all in my head, but it definitely freaked me out.
Part 3: Sweet Relief
After just 20 minutes on piticon (even though it still wasn't affecting me) I shouted, "I am DONE! I am NOT a martyr! I have NOTHING to prove!"
At least that's what I thought I did. Ted told me later that it more like the faintest whisper.
"I'm done. I'm not a martyr. I have nothing to prove."
He knew I had nothing left in me. In Ted's mind, I needed to get the epidural so that I would have enough energy to push. He was worried that I would end up with a c-section if I didn't some relief.
They sent for the anesthesiologist.
At this point I became like the classic laboring women from the tv shows. "Where is he? Tell him to hurry up!" I had completely checked out and just wanted this to go away. I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up and meet my baby.
The epidural man came in at 12:30 and said something stupid like "I wanted to do this at 7:30!" I quickly responded, "Don't make me feel stupid for the decisions I've made." I don't think he heard me and made a similar comment a bit later. I gave my same response but couldn't see his face for his reaction. He went over everything with me. "Do you consent?" I couldn't say yes fast enough. I was still laying on my side and he asked me to sit up. I needed two people to help me. Then he went around to the side of the bed and told me to scoot back. I looked at our nurse with a confused expression. They both said it again. "Scoot back." And I had to ask them what they meant. I could not fathom what they were asking me to do. Our nurse said, "Kaitlin-put your feet on the floor and push your bottom back." I said, "I can't do that." and told the epidural man to "Pull me back!" Apparently that is not part of his job description because he refused and Ted and Amy grabbed both of my sides and scooted me back on the bed. Ted came around to my front and held my hands while I got the epidural. I started praying a Hail Mary and Ted joined me. I whispered Jesus' name over and over again. The only word I said out loud was "Jesus" but in my head I was praying "Jesus-please let this work. Jesus-please don't let me have serious complications. Jesus-please don't let me regret this. Jesus-please don't let this lead to other interventions." I was scared, but managed to stay still through each contraction until it was over.
One more heinous contraction and then.......nothing. Zip. Nada. They told me I could probably still move my legs-which I could. I wiggled my toes and flailed my legs around in bed. As weird as it was, I could actually move them
better now than I could before the epidural when they were so tired and tense. Every few contractions I felt some pressure, but it was nothing. The nurses told me to rest, but instead I started texting.
As I texted our nurse looked back over the monitoring strip and informed me that my contractions had been seven minutes apart and
three minutes long for the past several hours.
Three minutes. As in-two to three times longer than contractions are supposed to be! My immediate reaction was, "I am a rock star." And I felt sort of justified for "giving in" to the epidural.
They turned up the pitocin just a bit to try to get that last half a centimeter to finally go away. Ted left to get something to eat and I called Summer to see how Hannah was doing. She told me that when Hannah woke up that morning and saw Summer instead of me she said, "Mommy home?" Summer told her no and she immediately said, "Hospital. Baby!" My girl knew exactly what was going on and wasn't upset in the least. I cried. I missed her. I had been away from her for so long and when I saw her again she would be a big sister. It was the first time in hours I was able to think clearly and process my emotions.
Part 4: Time to Push
The room was bright. The windows were open. I was finally comfortable and clear headed and just sat and took it all in. After only a half hour, they checked me and said we were ready to push! I was shocked-I guess I still thought we had hours ahead of us. But that's all it took-a half hour of pitocin and I was finally fully dilated! Amy had just left to get something to eat so I asked if we could wait for her to get back. I felt
no urge to push and honestly, I wasn't even in a hurry. I was just so relieved to be out of that horrible transition that I didn't mind just chillin' in bed sipping juice. Amy was taking a while to eat so we decided to start pushing without her. She walked in right when we were getting started.
I had had so many fears about pushing with an epidural. All the natural birth books and classes tell you that you won't have the urge to push and won't be able to push effectively. It was partly true. I had no urge to push and couldn't tell you if I was in the middle of a contraction or not. But push effectively? That was easy. I just, well, pushed! I happily let them hold up my feet for me, held my thighs back, and pushed when the nurses told me to push. I had talked to my doctor before about trying to prevent tearing and he was really trying hard to keep me all in one piece. He had me take a break every few contractions so that the baby wouldn't come too quickly. He would tell me to not push on the next contraction and I thought, "No problem. I don't even know when it is!"
I watched in the mirror as that little patch of hair got bigger and bigger. The student nurse was by my side and couldn't contain her excitement. "Oh wow. Oh my gosh. That's amazing." I later learned that it was the first birth she ever witnessed! I was so happy that she was there. She just brought such a sense of awe to a room full of people who see this all the time.
One big push and we had a head! And an arm! Right after his head popped out his little arm came with it. The doctor and both nurses immediately sighed and said, "That explains the lip!" He had his hand up by his face the entire time, preventing me from fully dilating when the contractions were so far apart. Our doctor did some fancy maneuver to turn the baby and avoid any problems. Then he gave him a mohawk while we waited for the next contraction. One more push and his body came right out. I couldn't see his face.... but I could see his penis!
"A boy!" I didn't need to announce it. It was easily apparent to everyone in the room!
He didn't cry at first. The doctor held him upside down for a bit while the nurses suctioned him. He had a lot of mucus because he came so quickly. My shock at finding out he was a boy quickly changed to concern. "Why isn't he crying? Why isn't he crying?" It was probably only a few seconds, but it felt like a lifetime. And because I couldn't see his face, I didn't know that he was fine. The nurses weren't concerned at all, I was the only one afraid. And then...a scream. Followed by a wale. Followed by another scream. "Gimme my baby!"
They put him on my bare chest and all I could think was, "He goes completely across the width of my body!" He was huge! And loud! I cried and held him and kissed Ted and tried to get him to nurse.
But he was too interested in screaming.
For the next 55 minutes.
The baby I thought wouldn't cry now didn't know how to stop.
Our doctor, who is also a family practice doctor, got up and checked his shoulder. He was concerned that maybe he had pulled a muscle, or worse, because of his arm coming out early. Thankfully, everything was fine.
But he still wouldn't stop screaming. The nurses speculated that he may have had a headache from his awkward position.
When the doctor was finished with me, he stood up and said, "My guess is 9 pounds." My jaw hit the floor. Surely he was wrong. But when the nurses came in later to check the weight: 9..... and a HALF!
I just birthed a 9 pound, 9 ounce baby! He was 21 3/4 inches long and had a 14 1/2 head circumference. That's a huge head. And, thanks to the epidural that allowed me to push slowly, I didn't even tear.
My parents, who started driving down from Missouri when I went into labor, arrived about a half an hour after he was born. The timing was perfect. When they walked in I said, "He won't stop screaming!" "He?? A boy?" After three girls and one granddaughter, my dad finally had a boy.
I tried everything to calm him down and get him to nurse to no avail. Finally, after almost an hour I gave him to Ted. Ted swaddled him and shushed him and he immediately fell asleep. I guess he just wanted his daddy. Ted looked at me with tears in his eyes. "A fishing buddy." And then it was my turn to cry.
After Ted had some snuggle time he gave him back to me and he nursed like a champ. I was finally able to enjoy my son. He was beautiful.
Fourteen hours of labor. Seven and a half hours of an absolutely hellacious transition. One hour of an epidural. Twenty-one minutes of pushing. One hour of screaming. And I finally had my sweet baby in my arms.
Paul Joseph-you were worth the wait.
