An Un-Clever Title

I've been thinking. About this blog. I think I'm trying too hard. I don't post as often as I would like because I need almost an hour to sit down and type out a complete entry. I have a feeling that an hour is not a normal amount of time to spend on one post. I know what my problem is. I'm too anal.

I've discovered that I feel like every single post has to have a "theme". I can't just ramble-or give an update on how I'm feeling. Oh no-that would be too easy. I must share my thoughts that are centered around one overwhelming (and very interesting) theme. This is exhausting. I'm not that interesting and it's hard to try to be something you're not.

Each blog post must have a unique title. I have sat for far too long thinking about titles for my posts. This must stop.

I also feel pressure to "educate" others with my posts. And while this isn't a bad thing-I don't need to do it every time. I dont need to defend the teachings of the Church or talk about the Gospel passage in every single entry. Some days it will be ok to just write about how crappy I feel, how sad I am, or how awful my mood swings are. Exciting stuff, huh?

I should NOT care who reads this blog. I would lying if I said I really didn't care who was reading this. Humility has never been my gift. I care what other's think and I sometimes write in ways that I think other people will find interesting. I'm going to TRY to stop this. No promises.

On that same note, I'm going to try to stop caring if people are interested in what I have to say. Sometimes I shy away from posting things about life outside of the infertility bubble. Believe it or not I don't spend every waking moment thinking about having kids. I do other things. I hang out with friends, spend time with my husband, complain talk about work, etc. I don't write about these kinds of things because I think I'll be wasting the time of other IFer's who are reading this. They are the ones that comment (thanks ladies-comments make my day!) so I feel like I need to keep them interested, keep them satisfied. This is stupid. I feel stupid just typing it.

I also don't need to shy away from posting boring or detailed information about my medicine or symptoms. I think that some of my friends are reading this (although they don't commet-and that's ok! it's good for my humility lacking self) and I sometimes avoid writing about specific details of infertility thinking that they won't want to hear it. That they will only read if I'm witty, interesting, or share some kind of insight worth reading. And even if they do only want that kind of post, that's ok! Every browswer has an exit button and they can use it at any time they wish. No obligation to read every single thing I write. Come and go as you please!

Typos are not the devil. I do not have perfect grammar. I'm not the best speller.  But I spend far too much time proofreading and spellchecking every single post. If you are turned off but typos and missing commas, from now on-feel free to move along.

I'm crediting this liberation to All You Who Hope and Life From Inside the Wheelbarrow. I recently went through and read their archives. Some of the titles were cutesy and unique-others were not. Some of their posts had a "theme" but most were just updates about how they were feeling and what was going on. And you know what? I was on the edge of my seat (not literally-I was reclined on the couch with my feet on the coffee table). I cried tears of sorrow and tears of joy for each of them. Even though there may have been a typo or a rambling post from time to time. Thanks girls.

And now, a story to highlight my analness, even though it doesn't go with the rest of this post. (this is killing me-I promise you, but I'm forcing myself to do it.). The other day I stood in front of our fridge and glanced at the dry-erase calendar on the freezer door. I noticed a tiny black dot on Monday, April 5th. I erased the dot immediately and asked Ted, "Did you put a dot on Monday?" When he picked his jaw up from off the floor he said, "How in the world did you notice that?? You are insane!!" He put the dot there to remind him of when we last ran the dish washer. He wanted to know how often we ran it, thinking that we could try to cut back. I laughed and laughed. I really am incredibly anal and notice even the tinniest thing out of place. He decided that he was going to start changing things all over the house and see if I notice. Nothing big-tiny little things that no normal person would ever notice. I'm sure I'll probably find most of them. And the ones I don't find will drive me crazy knowing that they're out there and I haven't "fixed" them yet. I'm excited for this new game!