I decided to join with a few other bloggers and tackle the Dress Dare featured on the Defining Beauty blog. Basically-it encourages women to wear dresses or skirts every single day in May in honor of Our Lady and in celebration of true femininity. I think it's awesome.
A few of my thoughts on the subject:
It will be pretty easy for me. I own a ton of skirts and have a couple of cute dresses that can be worn casually. My very sweet pregnant friend just gave me a bunch more skirts to wear over the summer while she doesn't fit into them (she still got the better end of that deal!) I can wear them to work as long as their not restricting-so I wear my "flowy" ones on the weekdays. And-I LIKE wearing skirts. It's definitely not a sacrifice for me. I used to think I looked too short in them, but I got over that after just one day of pure comfort. During the summers, I usually wear skirt just about every single day anyway. Skirt, flip flops, and a solid color tee-my summer wardrobe.
Shortly after we were married I made the internal decision to try and wear only skirts or dresses to Sunday Mass. I just felt God pushing me to do it. As I said, easy in the summer, not so easy in the winter. I spent a ridiculous amount of time and energy ordering long skirts offline and returning them when I realized I looked like a grandma. I gave in last winter and wore pants to Mass. Thankfully, this past winter I discovered boots! I can proudly say I haven't worn pants to Mass in over a year thanks to the wonderful invention of boots!
And while I am proud of myself and think that my efforts are pleasing to God, I'm still falling short. I still wear pants to daily Masses. I don't know how I rationalize this in my head. If it's clear to me that God wants me to wear a skirt to Sunday Mass, why would He change His mind about a random Tuesday? Is it not still a celebration of the Eucharist? Is it not the same Bible being read from? Is is not still heaven touching earth for all the faithful to witness? I know that it is all of these things-but I'm lazy. I wear whatever I've got on when it comes to daily Mass. I need to try harder.
Since the Dress Dare isn't going to be much of a challenge for me, I've decided to spend the month trying to reflect on modesty. Me and modesty go way back. I've been on a long journey to get to know her a little better. I don't want to spend too much time on this post (it's already long enough as it is) and I'd rather be cuddling up on the couch with Ted. But I do want to get some thoughts down on paper (or blog).
Modesty is important. Period. The Church has very clear teachings in regards to sins against the flesh and immodest dress is never acceptable. How to define "modesty", however, gets pretty tricky. I know many beautiful, wonderful Catholic women who wear things that I wouldn't dream of! Also, I know many women who put me to shame in my skinny jeans and too-tight tops. The most important thing is that we're all TRYING!
While I don't have the time or energy to post about the importance of modesty, I do want to include some links that have already said what I want to say (only better). A post published today at Defining Beauty wonderfully sums up the information in this book. I've known about the link between immodest dress and corruption of the Church for years now. What's taken me so long to get on board?? Also, this homily by a fantastic priest reminds us that the Vatican has very strict guideline for women's clothing-the Vatican! Last I checked they were a pretty good source for all things moral.
With that said, here are my thoughts on what is and what is not modest. [Let me first say that just because I believe these things with all my heart and truly feel that God has asked me to dress in this way-does NOT mean I don't fall sometimes. I know that many people could read this and think of me as a hypocrite. And they would be right-I am a hypocrite. But that's why we have confession and that's I frequent it!]
Nothing above the knee. Ever. Ted loves my legs-he tells me all the time. If he's attracted to them after so many years of seeing them-imagine what some high school boy might think as I walk through Wal-Mart. (I'm not saying they're great-only that Ted thinks so-ha!) Our thighs only lead to one place-and it's not our knees. They should be covered.
No sleeveless. This one is tough. Most people will agree with no spaghetti straps-but sleeveless? I think the line needs to be drawn somewhere and this is where I draw it.
Absolutely no part of a woman's breast should be visible outside of her clothes. None. And that means going up higher than just avoiding a cleavage line. While going through my closet a few weeks ago I tried on a dress that I wore to some wedding last summer. I asked Ted if he thought the dress was too low or if I should keep it. His response? He poked my skin with his finger just above where the dress was and asked "would it bother you if any other man but me touched you here?" Point taken. If it shouldn't be touched (imagine someone swatting a mosquito away from you) it shouldn't be shown. I got rid of the dress. Ted also reminds me that just because it may cover my chest when I'm starting in the mirror head on-doesn't mean some tall guy can't look straight down it as I stand below him. I falter on that one a lot.
Clothes shouldn't be so tight that they accentuate anything. I don't have a lot to accentuate-but I can still wear my clothes too tight at times. It's usually from not wanting to give up a beloved shirt that's gotten too small-but this is still no excuse.
No pajamas in public. I don't know why this was ridiculously popular in college-it's gross. And no one thinks you're cute in your Ugg boots and cut off sweat pants strolling through the grocery store. I'm against this one not just because it's immodest (only your husband should see you in your night clothes) but it's stupid! Put some real clothes on!
And for the sake of time, I'm going to have to save swimming suits for another day. I promise I'm not avoiding the topic-I'm just tired.....Okay-maybe I'm avoiding the topic. For now at least.
Finally, to end this post, I'll make the much needed disclaimer that I'm not writing this post to judge anyone-Catholic or non-Catholic-on what they are wearing. I would by lying if I said that judgemental thoughts never cross my mind when I see a friend wearing a low cut top to Mass-I'm a prideful sinner and I'm ashamed. But I'm not TRYING to judge! We're all on a journey towards modesty-some may be farther along than others. We should encourage each other and cheer each other on-not roll our eyes when we see a sister failing. I'm speaking these words to myself more than anyone.
I'm interested as to what other people think with regards to this topic. Does anyone agree or disagree with my guidelines for dress? Got any advice on living it out?
Pray, Hope, and Don't Worry wrote a post about this on her Catholic blog. I'm pretty sure there is a link on her sidebar- she had some ideas.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you are doing a great job! I agree- boots are the best for winter. I think it's important to look modest and feminine but I really don't want to look like a prairie woman, haha!
Good post!
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree with GIMH... Modesty and femininity, but not frumpiness (that drives people away from the Church).
I think you are adorable, Kaitlin and I am sure you dress very stylishly! My daughters went through a (Catholic-based) program called Pure Fashion. www.purefashion.com
Pretty, but not provocative. Stylish but still modest.
Thanks for this post. I love how you're so straightforward. You're a great example to any woman, especially teen girls.
ReplyDeleteHi, skirt sister! Great post. Honestly, I had never really put much thought into the Church's teaching on fashion - just assumed that if I felt uncomfortable showing something I shouldn't wear it out. Thanks to you and PHDW for your modesty posts today! It will definitely make me double-check what I am wearing as I walk out the door.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I had never thought a bit about modesty until last fall, and finally I gave in to the Holy Spirit's nudging to really contemplate it. I think my personal guidelines might be a little more lax than yours, but I really enjoy reading your reasoning. And oh my goodness, since I started on this modesty path, I have to agree that it is soo hard not to judge others! I just try hard to remember where I started.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I am totally with you on not knowing how to dress for daily mass. I don't go that often, and as you say it's easy to wear skirts in the summer... but in the winter? Why should I make sure to wear a dress on Sunday but think it's okay to wear khaki pants or even jeans on a weekday? That's a tough one. I guess I'm just hoping that as I continue to "feminize" my wardrobe, it'll be easier to have cold weather skirt options.
I love this Kaitlin! This is something that has been on my heart for awhile. I feel that I dress pretty modistly but I very rarely wear skirts or dresses. This comes from insecurity I know (my legs are not my favorite body part) but I still feel like I need to start wearing them again. I have been thinking about doing this but need to build up a stock of skirts and dresses. Maybe this summer. I've got about a month before school gets out so that gives me time to stock up. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you posted this because I've often wondered what the heck I should be wearing, and most of the guidelines you posted I adhere to.
ReplyDeleteThe one I really, really despise following (and I begrudgingly follow) is the no sleeveless. In Mississippi in the middle of the summer, it's crazy not to wear sleeveless! I think sleeveless should be ok as long as the shirt straps across the shoulder are 3-4 inches in length. (This is a rule we had to adhere to in school, and it insures that no bra straps are showing as well as covering most of the shoulder).
And when you brought up swim suits, this also reminded me of another point - what about exercise clothing? Running shorts are excessively short but they are made for less wind resistance and no chafing of the inner thighs. If they were any longer, they would prohibit your movement (i.e. they could tack precious seconds on to your relay) or you would wind up with rashes rendering you unable to run for a bit (if you were using the sport to drop some weight). So, what do you do? Run alone in your house or rent out the gym for an evening?
As for the dresses, you know how I feel about them. I still don't like them. I feel frumpy and ugly in them. Then again, even as a kid, I hated dresses and skirts. Maybe one day.
Wow. All I have to say is you ladies totally put me to shame, but it is good. You are challenging my thinking. I am not surrounded by these thoughts on a regular basis so it is easy to think I am doing good when I look around. But truth is, I am not! I went from boobs out at the bars to no more of that, but really that is probably where it ended. I wear my skirts longer, but none are to the knee. I totally do sleeveless, even spaghetti straps, and one of my bigger faults is not being vain, but rather not caring. Not showering every day and yes, there are days I wear what I wore during the day to bed and then around the house again the next day. part of this is b/c no one sees me-I mostly work from home-but I am grateful to dh who doesn't care. But he does deserve better and so do I. So thank you for the very thought provoking post. It was in no way offensive, but completely appreciated.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I love the idea of a dress dare! I'm in! I love high-cut tanks to layer under lower cut dresses. Then you can wear the dress, but not sacrifice modesty. Target has some great tanks, made by Merona, that are a higher neckline so I have like 5 of those. Cute sweaters to layer over sleeveless dresses are a fave of mine too. Contrary to popular society's belief, you do NOT have to be immodest to be cute!! Quite the opposite!
ReplyDeleteSo far I have worn a dress every day...if my hospital gowns count, that is!! Haha!
Kaitlin, you are not far from the Kingdom! Thank you so much for this post! Erin (my fiancee) read "Dressing with Dignity" last summer and started wearing dresses and skirts (she's since taught me the difference btw). I love her so much for it and she actually is more attractive because of it! As a man, I can truly say that there's nothing better than walking next to a woman that respects herself and others by dressing in fashionable, yet respectful clothing!
ReplyDeleteKaitlyn it may not be in style of the day or society to talk about things that you have opened up, but it is most definitely of the Lord! It is a challenge I need to take up myself (I dare say it will be a major challenge). Not that I dress hoochey coochey, but I have worn things before that I know are not appropriate and should not wear. Thanks for putting the plug out there for us. By the way....I am wondering too about work out wear. I am about to walk my crazy wild dogs and it is already WAY too hot to wear capris! LOL
ReplyDeleteI love Ted’s litmus test, but honestly, I’d be pretty uncomfortable with a man other than my husband touching me ANYWHERE except for a quick hug, a handshake, pat on the back, etc. (you know what I mean . . .hopefully).
ReplyDeleteI read yours and Barbie’s post and while I certainly am not as modest as Barbie (who always looks beautiful and stylish . . . no frumpy prairie lady there), I do think I dress modestly. I wear mostly dresses in the summertime, always to Mass, and I do not prefer sleeveless, but I swear that is more vanity. Still, a lot of that was maturing and realizing I wasn’t young anymore so you are so advanced to be thinking about this now at this point in your life and wanting to make sure you do not offend God. Great post.
I think you're an adorable dresser...
ReplyDeleteI commented on Barbie's post over at her Catholic blog...
I hopped over from Derrick's blog and loved reading this post. Thank you so much for writing it. I've been thinking a lot more about modesty lately and have been gradually transitioning to a more modest wardrobe. I don't know to what extent I'm being called to change, but I do wonder if I believe in modesty, what's the point of this intermediate step, I should just jump in. I guess my hold up is that my husband doesn't feel I dressed immodestly before even in rather short shorts and fairly tight tops and isn't encouraging me to change although he would be fine if I did. I guess I'm just testing the waters this summer with bermuda shorts, and a one-piece swimsuit. Although today I wore a skirt below my knees and a solid tshirt with a ruffle around the neck and felt exceptionally confident and beautiful. I might head that way more soon. May for Mary seems like a wonderful reason to start!
ReplyDeleteThis comment is from my dear friend, Lauren, who couldn't figure out how to comment :) Despite her inability to navigate a blog-she is by far the wisest, most amazing woman I know:
ReplyDeleteI gotta say something about the workout wear, as a P.E. teacher and health/exercise fan, and former gymnast and dancer. I have always been a modest dresser, by the grace of God, and that particular struggle of what is appropriate to wear while exercising confronts me daily. Fellow exercisers, the truth is that it is very possible to work out in a t-shirt and knee-length, not-tight sweats. It really is! IT IS! We are called to be witnesses by what we wear. I venture to say that we are called especially to help our brothers remain pure of thought when we are exercising! Think of the way our bodies move when we exercise verses just when we walk down the street or sit in a church pew. A definite "shame on you" goes out to much of the clothing world, who could be using their talents to dress us with sport-specific clothing that is also modest but aren't. BUT, we can sacrifice that little discomfort for the purity that our world needs! That extra wind resistance from the un-tight clothing makes us stronger, too. :) And I know that it can be tempting for me, when I am in aerobics class surrounded by 15 women who look so fit and cute in those workout tops, to want to look that way too. But it's just not worth it! Now, I have found a few good tops that aren't too clingy but do work better than a baggy t-shirt. Hooray for that! But most of the time I just feel called to keep myself at God's standard, knowing that He thinks that my body is beautiful and does not wish me to lead another into temptation.
The devil does not want this topic talked about...I just wrote a "book" of a comment and accidentally deleted it!
ReplyDeleteWell, here I go again!
Like Derrick said (above) I first read "Dressing With Dignity" last year. It has been on my heart to re-read it, so I picked it up again last weekend. I am amazed at how many times the topic of modesty has come up in the past couple of months. The Holy Spirit is really speaking to me (and to the world)!
One of my best friends introduced me to the book. After she read it she stopped wearing pants in public-period! (of course she still loves sweatpants and wears them in the comfort of her own home whenever she gets a chance). She already had a good number of skirts/dresses in her wardrobe, but she began shopping around for more longer skirts/winter skirts, leggings, tights, boots, etc. Of course money is always an issue...but you can build a wardrobe over time. She always looks respectable and attractive, never frumpy or Little House on the Prairie-ish.
Although I read the book a year ago, I have not transitioned to all skirts/dresses (yet). While the book may seem extreme to some, it is convincing and it makes sense! It also has lots of Papal and saint quotes that re-affirm the topic. Wearing all skirts/dresses in public is something I feel God has put on my heart, but I have not taken that leap yet. It is much easier to do in the spring/summer and it was much easier to do when I lived with the friend mentioned above. She was doing it, others were doing it, and I felt like I could do it. Moving back closer to family, and being from a small rural town, it is hard not to stand out when making "extreme" decisions. People think you have turned Amish or joined the Duggar family if you decide to wear all skirts. There is still that internal struggle to live out purity and modesty but still "fit in" Aren't you eventually supposed to get over that whole peer pressure thing??
Though I'm not 100% yet, I'm probably about 75%?? This past winter I invested in leggings and tights and I only wear skirts to Mass on Sunday. I still have that daily Mass issue too, Kaitlin...I will always love "comfy clothes" though...cold winter day...give me a fleece sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants and I'm set!
Now that I am engaged...it has been on my heart even more...what kind of wife and mother do I want to be? What example do I want to set for my children? especially my daughters?? (God-willing!)
Kaitlin, I like all your guidelines, and I agree. However, just like you, I fail many times! Modesty is no different than any other struggle in the spiritual life! Thank God for his grace poured out in the Sacraments!
I could go on and on and on...
I do want to recommend another book, "The Privilege of Being a Woman" by Alice von Hildebrand (quoted in "Dressing With Dignity") It is a great book!!
I also want to share a quote from "Dressing With Dignity" that I read today:
This is from Muhammad Ali:
"Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected. Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell. Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You've got to work hard to get to them...Your body is sacred. You're far more precious than diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too."
What is sacred is veiled!!
May every woman come to a fuller understanding of the dignity and respect she deserves as a daughter of the King!
Wonderful post!
ReplyDeleteAfter seeing Brooke Shields roll around on the floor in her Calvin Klein jeans in the late 70's, saying with a sultry voice, "Nothing comes between me and my Calvin Kleins," my mom went out to buy me my first pair. I was only in eighth grade, and started to get plenty of looks at my behind and comments from guys about my "nice a--". While part of me liked the attention, it also bothered my inner conscience, and actually built repressed anger over the years in being treated like an object.
So when I had daughters, I decided that I really didn't want them to hear comments like that, and that I really didn't want men looking at them back there. With that in mind, I decided I had better start wearing skirts and it took a few years to grow in comfort with my decision.
My vanity took a beating as my good Catholic friends challenged me, but my daughters are teens now, and I'm so grateful that God gave me the grace to stick by my decision. They are lovely young ladies who always wear skirts and modest tops.
We just went to buy fabric to sew some really cute skirts, and they getting into more fashionable styles now. We will be posting about them at our blog:
Mystical Rose Design
www.mysticalrosedesign.blogspot.com next week, so stop by!
In Christ,
Lucy
Derrick, you have hit the nail on the head. If I ever meet you, I will make sure I shake your hand. You do us males proud!
ReplyDeleteLeila and Thankful, you are such great ladies that I wish more females would follow your lead. Also, when I get married, I want the gal I marry to think like you do! God bless you!
ReplyDelete