Decision Time

Alright, I have a confession. I never really considered going private. I just wanted all those lurkers to show their face! Ha-tricked ya!

No-I am TOTALLY JOKING!!! I would never do that-promise.

But I did make a decision on whether to go private or stay public. I know people are nosy curious about what caused me to think about going private, but since this blog is still public I can't share much. Basically, I found out that someone was reading this blog that made me a bit uncomfortable. Embarrassed actually. And I didn't want this person to be able to read anymore. But after talking it over with Ted and doing some soul searching on what the real purpose is for this blog-I decided I can't go private because of one stinkin' person.

And it's not like it was even a safety issue. Just an embarrassment issue. And embarrassment isn't a good enough reason to send THIS blog into hiding. When I first started blogging I sat down with Ted and talked about what my purpose was. The thought that kept coming back to mine was consistency. I wanted to have a consistent life. I wanted to be the same person to my Catholic friends as I was to my non-Catholic friends. To my family as well as strangers. It's easy to defend the Church's position on birth control when I'm sitting in a room full of amazing Catholics all getting ready to pray the rosary. Not so easy surrounded by people you know are on the pill. I wanted something to FORCE me to be consistent. To preach the Gospel even when it was hard, inconvenient, or scary.

When I started this blog I had no idea that other Catholic infertiles were out there. I mostly started it because I wanted to share our IF journey with our family and friends without having to tell every single person. Because of that, I sent the link out to virtually everyone I know. Catholic and non-Catholic alike. Then I discovered the amazing world of Catholic bloggers and was blown away. I quickly identified with them and began writing to them as my primary audience (hey-they were the only ones that commented! thanks girls!) It's like I forgot that other people were still reading. People that disagreed with me. People that didn't like me. People that even made fun of me because of my beliefs.

So what did I do when faced with embarrassment because of the truths I've written on this blog?? I ran away. I reacted in typical hasty fashion and almost went private to avoid any embarrassment from ever happening again. My first true blogging test of faith-epic failure.

But I'm dusting myself off and picking myself back up. I'm NOT going private. My thoughts are here for anyone to read. Make fun of me if you will. Laugh at me with your friends. My thoughts and feelings are rooted in the biblical truth of Christ's gospel and that is NOTHING to be ashamed of!

I admit that finding out how many people were actually reading (from comments and private emails) was astounding. I figured there were one or two lurkers out there-but wow! And some of the comments just pushed me over the edge for staying public. And while these comments weren't good for fostering humility, they did make me grateful that I've helped people with my journey. Whether I'm just a Catholic person for someone to identify with who doesn't know a lot of other Catholics or someone who can offer hope to the couple struggling to have a baby-being able to help others from the comfort of my own living room by simply sharing my story is one of the greatest blessings of my life.

So thank you. Thank you for reading. Thank you for commenting. And thank you for praying. (Because wow-I learned how many of your are praying!!). Thanks for sharing along in my journey to truly become more like our Blessed Mother.