Overdue Stream of Conscience

Lest you think that something exciting is going on around here, this post shall prove otherwise.

It's not natural to be "totally prepared" for something to happen when you're 37 weeks pregnant......and then still be just as ready when you're past 40. It messes with your head. The hospital bag needs to be packed. The depends and towels need to be in the car. The cradle must be put together. But then it all just sits there. Taunting you. For weeks.

It's not natural to say to yourself everyday, "It could be today!" while at the same time saying, "It's probably not going to be today."

Three days past that elusive "due date". This is the day I went into labor with Hannah-although she wasn't actually born until five days past. A few days ago, I read back over a post I wrote when I was two days past my due date with her and couldn't believe how emotional I was. Crying on the phone with Ted? Really Kaitlin?

Cut to yesterday, two days past, and it's taking everything I have not to call him at work sobbing and repeating, "I want to meet my baby!"

Oh the hormones. And the anticipation. And the nerves. It's just too much.

To make matters oh-so-much-more-fun,  Hannah has a cold. Last night she woke up three times before we even got to bed and we braced ourselves for what would surely be a long night. Moments after my head hit the pillow-she wakes up again only to puke for the next half hour from all the snot she had been swallowing. Holding a bawling, confused little girl while getting chunks of snot and food thrown up all over me-for the first time ever I actually prayed, "Lord, PLEASE don't let me go into labor right now."

How bad would that be? Ugh. So bad. And now Ted and I are both getting her cold, obviously. I will refuse pain medication and pitocin during labor until it's totally and completely out of my control.  But drugs for a stuffy nose? Bring it. Bring all of it. And fast.

After the bawling, puking, horribly sad and pathetic pukefest-we tried to let Hannah sleep in our bed. She asked and it seemed like a good idea. We haven't co-slept since she was 13 months old and I can't even count the number of times we've gone to bed saying, "I wish Hannah was right here in bed with us." Probably at least once a week for the past year. Thirty minutes of getting slapped in the face, being asked to rub her belly, listening to her talk to herself, and then trying repeatedly to get her to lay back down while she farted in my face and laughed....well maybe it's a good thing our co-sleeping days with her have come to an end. I'm ready for a motionless baby burrito to snuggle up with.

I can't imagine how hard this "past due" time is for someone who actually expects to deliver by or on their due date. I prep myself for this from the moment I find out I'm pregnant. I've been saying "late February or early March" for months. And it still sucks.

Even though my doctor's appointment Monday was already at 40 weeks, 1 day-it was surprisingly uneventful. Baby looked good. Blood pressure is fine. Very little swelling-nothing to be concerned about. And then, "See you next week!".

Acupuncture for the third time this afternoon! I've been massaging my acupressure points for days. The never-ending rain here has prevented me from walking-but it finally let up and I got a good walk in last night with a friend. I'm trying to eat an entire pineapple but it makes my tongue itch so I have to stop after just a few pieces. I will finish that thing eventually though. Lots of crawling, pelvic rocks, squats. Evening primrose oil. Then there's that whole "increasing your levels of oxytocin and taking advantage of the natural prostaglandins found in semen".....which will become increasing difficult in the days ahead if both parties have colds.

Target retail therapy isn't any fun when you don't have money. But we did snag an awesome humidifier in the shape of an elephant yesterday.

Hannah's newest phrase is "Oh my dosh!" Cutest thing ever.

And she hates having her nose wiped so much that if she tries to stop me from whatever task I am doing all I have to say is, "I'm gonna wipe your nose" and she runs off into her room and plays quietly to avoid me. Bad mother? Or incredibly smart one?

This song is getting me through today. Everything really is His. This baby. This labor. It's all His and all for Him. If I stay focused on that maybe I won't go completely insane.

But it's not likely.

What I Wore Sunday and for our Due Date Night (3)

Happy Due Date to us! Only a few hours left in the day, so I'm going to safely assume that this baby will not be coming on the 24th. Today's my dad's birthday too-bummer.  But even though there isn't a gooey baby in my arms, today was still a great day. First, Mass. Linking up here again-I guess I'm officially hooked.

Dress: Gap Maternity-free from a friend during one of our awesome clothing exchanges. Best idea EVER! It's the same dress I wore to Mass last Sunday. And to my baby shower the day before that....I better not have to wear it next Sunday.

Sweater-Maurices, years ago.

Tights: Walmart

Shoes: consignment

Undershirt: Half-tees. Best invention ever.

Do gray and brown even match? I wasn't sure. But I don't like the way this dress looks with black either. If I had white tights and shoes-I would have gone with that.

Hannah's dress: Calvin Kline-consignment. Obviously.

Tights: Walmart

Sweater: Children's Place

Shoes: Babies R Us. Too small. Dangit-the girl needs all new shoes.

And now, for a 40 week bump picture:

Significantly bigger than Hannah's 40 week picture. But my face isn't puffy yet like it was then. I DID have to take my wedding ring off yesterday. That happened the day before labor with Hannah. So here's hoping something's gonna happen soon!

The rest of the day was spent napping and relaxing on the back porch. This evening, Ted and I were able to go out for our traditional Due Date Night. It's a tradition if you do it twice right? 

Dress: Same! I wore it with a cute white sweater that I forgot to put on for the picture. I had some cute shoes to go with it, but ended up wearing my comfy athletic flip flops. I doubt anyone cared....

Our wonderful friends watched Hannah for us so we could wallow in the fact that we're still pregnant enjoy each other's company before the baby takes over our lives. First, we joined the 40 Days for Life campaign and prayed outside the local abortion clinic. Unfortunately, it was lightning and hailing during our hour-so we had to pray from the car. We parked in the clinic's parking lot (probably not supposed to do that...) and it really hit me hard to think how many women sat in their cars in that very spot. Wondering if they should go in. Scared. Confused. Pressured. The irony of me sitting there with my 40 week belly was not lost. Hopefully we can go back again after the baby's born. Preferably when it's not hailing.

We finished the date with delicious steaks, great conversation, and 5 glasses of blackberry sweet tea (all for me).

Prayers appreciated for the week that lies ahead of us! A doctor's appointment tomorrow morning, a visit with an acupuncturist in the afternoon. But my fingers are still crossed that something will happen tonight and we'll get to skip both of those...

Quick Takes

Seven productive things I could have been doing during the two hours I had to myself last night:

-1-

Clean. This place is a disastor.

-2-

Finish up Hannah's baby book. You know, before the second baby gets here.

-3-

Upload cute videos and share them with family back in Missouri.

-4-

Exercise. (ha-no I'm totally kidding.)

-5-

Reorganize the guest room/office/baby's storage room after Hannah took it upon herself to completely demolish it.

-6-

Work on some guest blog posts I've been asked to write.

-7-

Taxes. You don't get your money til you do them!

Instead, I read birth stories while rocking on my hands and knees for two hours. Not a total waste of time-just mostly.

Unrelated picture from Valentine's Day to make up for this post lacking anything worth reading:

Happy Weekend! Hopefully I return Monday with a new baby!

39 Weeks by the Numbers

39...weeks pregnant.

5...days until our official due date-February 24.

13...times I've peed in the last three hours. I thought about keeping a tally for a whole day, but it was way too many times.

1...times a day I change the toilet paper roll. No, I am not kidding.

6+...times a day I pluck my eyebrows. I have no idea why. Anyone else experience this strange pregnancy "symptom"?

38...total pounds gained so far.

0...percent effaced at my last doctor's appointment.

0...cm dilated.

-5...station. Meaning baby's head was NOT engaged.

52,067...times I've been on the Spinning Babies website trying to find the magic cure for getting this baby to rotate out of his/her sunny side up position.

52,067...times I've thought "This is the most poorly designed website in the history of the internet!"

3,000...mg of evening primrose oil taken daily

2...weeks that I've been saying "you can come anytime now baby!"

2...weeks I fear I still have left.

1.5...weeks until my parents come....assuming I'm not still pregnant

2.5...weeks until my mother-in-law comes. I dang well better not still be pregnant!

2...miles walked today

100+...pelvic rocks daily

9...tulips in the bouquet at the shower my sweet friends threw me. I walked in and almost cried when I saw a beautiful bouquet of purple tulips. The last time I got purple tulips from in 2010-from Ted-just days before finding out we were pregnant with Hannah. I felt like it was a little sign from the Holy Spirit.

9...prayers tied to each tulip. Each person took one and then proceeded to pray for that specific intention. What a beautiful way to prepare my heart for this baby's entrance. I'm so blessed with wonderful, holy friends.

Come on baby! We're ready to meet you!

Hannah's Kitchen

Because we are devoted, generous, loving crazy parents-we made Hannah a play kitchen out of a set of old night stands that I found on the side of the road for her second birthday. It was supposed to be for Christmas-but hey, a month a half later isn't too bad. Instead of getting ready for this new baby, practicing relaxation techniques, or doing birth-prep exercises-we spent hours every evening perfecting these miniature appliances. I hope I don't deeply regret this when it comes to labor and delivery....

Tons of work. Way more work than we thought. But oh-so-worth-it.

Here's the before:

And the after:

Yes, it has a real oven light.

And a working oven door.

Raised burners and knobs that turn.

An oven drawer for all the dishes that I have yet to get her. 

A sink for washing hands and produce.

Shelves for all of her goodies. Fully stocked thanks to Christmas presents from the grandparents!

An adorable curtain that I admit I did not sew myself. (Thanks Karen!)

And best of all-world's cutest kid to enjoy it!

I have no idea how much the project ended up costing since we did it over the course of several months. Cheaper than if we had bought a new one for sure. We already had all of the scrap wood, fabric, and bowl. We had to buy the drawer pulls, oven rack, light, plexiglass, wooden circles for the burners, and paint.

So far, her favorite thing to do is sit in front of it and play with her blender or scoop ice cream. But I know that will change as she grows into it. Hopefully it holds up and last for years to come. Goodness knows we're not making another!

Happy Birthday sweet girl. We love you so much!

(and even though I definitely don't have cabin fever in the 70 degree weather we've been having....and Ted did almost all of the work-I'm linking this up here. Click to check out more creative projects!)

Hannah Speaks

This is one of those posts that only the grandmas really care about. You'll just have to deal with my detailed doting on my little girl for today.

A few of my favorite Hannah phrases:

"move please" (moo peas)-spoken at least a hundred times a day, said when she actually wants me to move out of her way, said to an inanimate object that is blocking her path before she removes it, said to me if I enter the room while her and Ted are playing together (girl loves her daddy!), spoken to me if I so much as speak to Ted from the other room while they are having their special time together!

"very careful" (wear-wee tear-toh)-spoken as I hand her yet another cup of water while she's playing her favorite game "Fill up all the cups of water in my play house on the back porch". I told her to be "very careful" with the water so many times that I think she thinks this is actually the name of the game

"oh no" (she can actually say this one!) she's never been an "uh-oh" kid. I like "oh no" even better. Spoken when anything in her organized little world is out of whack-something falls, something is on the wrong shelf, something is broken, something is missing

"dirty, clean" (dur-dee, neen)-obsessively repeated during diaper changes to reassure herself that the diaper being taken off is, in fact, dirty and the diaper being put on is, in fact, clean.

"mommy daddy poo poo"-spoken during diaper changes to remind herself that only mommy and daddy wipe her poo poo. Not Hannah. Ever ever ever ever ever. Eew.

"be happy" -sweetly and happily exclaimed to anyone who appears the least bit sad

"Barney Sun/EIEI/I Love You" (bah-nee un/EIEI/ah wu doo)-interchangeably used to request youtube videos of Barney singing her favorite songs

"daddy home"-repeated to reassure herself that life will be more fun when daddy gets home. "Hannah-I can't make you fly right now but Daddy will when he gets home"

"2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9" (too, tee, tour, tah, ti, neh-nen, ate, nine)-she hates 1 apparently. 2 and 8 are her favorites

"2, 3, GO!" (too, tee, doh)-this is one of my favorites because it sounds like she's saying "tootie go"

"no YEAH!" -a knee jerk refusual-cause that's what toddlers do-before realizing that she actually wants to do what I suggested. "Hannah-can I read you a book? Wanna go outside? We're going to the zoo!" "no-wait, that actually sounds good-YEAH!"

"green means GO!" (nee mee doh)-stoplights, they're fascinating

"snuggle me" (nuh-no me)-my personal favorite :)

There are more, but I better stop or even the grandmas might stop reading. And to any speechie friends reading this-yes it does pain me not to use phonological symbols to explain her pronunciations-but I'm just that nice to my readers to spare them the confusion. And yes-she does exhibit every single phonological process known to man. We're working on it. Pray for me.

The Catholic Church is Small

This post has been in my head for years now. And with today's very BIG news that our beloved Pope Benedict XVI is resigning from the papacy, now is as good of time as any to share my thoughts on the smallness of our big faith.

The Catholic Church is quite huge-over 1 billion people worldwide. It spreads to every country and truly knows no boundaries. It has existed-unchanged-for 2000 years. It's one of the many reasons I love my faith. The expansiveness. The history. The consistency.

But my personal experience of being a Catholic has been anything but huge and expansive. The Catholic Church, as I know her, is very small. Very tight-knit. Today's news demonstrates just that. My entire facebook feed is filled with nothing but Catholic friends commenting on Pope Benedict's news. Prayers for him. Pictures of him. Status updates about how proud we are to be Catholic. Friends who live all over the country-hundred of miles away from me-are united today in one thing. And it makes me feel so close to them.

Being Catholic is like having an instant connection to fellow Catholics. Because of our faith, Ted and I have never had a hard time making wonderful, life-long friends wherever we go. We just seek out authentic Catholics-and friendships are formed. When you meet a fellow Catholic-you know you are meeting someone who shares your faith in Christ, your understanding of the role of Mary and the Saints, your love for the Mass and the Eucharist, your respect for all human life, your reverence of sex, and your admiration for the Holy Father. My most cherished friendships are hinged on this fact-that we belong to the same Church. That we are members of this same, small family.

The internet and social media definitely have something to do with it. It connects Catholic across the world in a way that has never before been possible. It's only because of social media that I know Bonnie and was able to participate in the miraculous healing of her son. When her son was stillborn and came back to life after being dead for 61 minutes, she asked everyone she knew to pray for the intercession of Fulton Sheen-a great American priest from her diocese. I printed out the prayer she wrote and taped it to my desk at work. And I prayed. And I hoped for a miracle-even though I doubted one would happen. But a miracle did happen. And because of our prayers-because of my prayers-Bonnie's son is healed and Archbishop Sheen is currently in the process to be declared Blessed (one step before Saint).  The Saints may seem so far out of reach-so "famous" in the world of Catholicism. But they became saints from the prayers of very ordinary Catholics-just like myself. And this connection that I now have to a great man becoming a Saint-reaffirms to me that our faith is so small. So close.

It may seem from the outside that our faith is too big to be close and personal to individual Catholics. Little old me in Florida and the great big Pope all the way in Rome. But even that chasm is crossed with the many friendships I have with holy Catholics. In 2005, I had the opportunity to meet then Archbishop Burke in St. Louis. I kissed his ring and was introduced to him by my cousin who was a seminarian at the time. Ted had the opportunity to meet him a year later during his cousin's confirmation. A friend of mine is still in communication with now Cardinal Burke all the way in Rome because of his work with the Church in St. Louis. Hannah's godfather was ordained a deacon by him in Rome a few years ago. And although we've never met him, we have another funny connection to Cardinal Dolan, the popular head of the USCCB. Cardinal Dolan's parents bought Ted's house when Ted was four years old and moving into another one.

We were thrilled when these good and holy man were elevated to become Cardinals of the Church. Cardinals-meaning they will be among those electing the next Pope! Even with the possibility that they could become Pope themselves!

The Cardinals are not just far away figures, men in funny hats using an outdated system of white and black smoke to choose the next Pope. They are real men. Two of them-especially-are very real to me. And this connection, however small, that I have to Rome and the upcoming election makes me feel like I really matter to this Church.

I know that I matter. I know that we all do. Because the Catholic Church is the Church that Christ founded so many years ago when he gave Peter the keys to the Kingdom. It is the single greatest blessing of my life to be a part of this Kingdom. To be a Catholic and be surrounded by other Catholics. To belong to this personal, close-knit, and very small faith.