I think Mother Teresa is reading my blog. I've read a little more in Come Be My Light since my post earlier this morning and was so completely struck by one line that I read. Mother Teresa had the exact same question I did! When writing to the archbishop (who had not yet approved her new order) she writes "does the good God give these desires and not mean them to come true?" You can tell by the way she words this that she obviously thinks the answer is "of course not". Our good God does not give us desires that He doesn't mean to come true. And although that is a very, very difficult concept to swallow, it filled me with hope.
There are many more days when I consider the fact that God will NOT bless us with children than days that I do. But Mother Teresa seems to be telling me otherwise. She seems to be telling me that God does, in fact, grant our desires. How do I wrestle this out in my mind? I'm not sure. I trust this beautiful and holy saint, but I also know that there are many people with my same desire who DO NOT have children. I'm not sure what to do with this. But for a brief moment, when I read those words, I actually believed that God would give us a baby. It felt wonderful. But it's already fading.
Mother Teresa continues with words that I could have written myself, although not as eloquently and not as beautiful. She writes, "It is now well over one year that they [the desires] came, they have increased with every Holy Mass and Holy Communion. I long, I desire to bring to Him many souls-to make each soul love God with a burning love..." Mother Teresa was referring to the poor souls in the slums of Calcutta. She wanted to bring them God and help them develop a love for Him. I desire the same thing, to bring souls to God. And while I don't think I'm being called to move to India, I do think I'm being called to raise children in a Catholic home and teach them to love the Lord with their whole hearts. I desire to have children so that I can bring them to God, to make them love God with a burning love. And would the good God give me these desires and not mean them to come true?
No! He definitely gives you those desires and wants them for you. I truly think it's original sin that prevents us from obtaining them. Imperfections of body are one of the results of original sin. But He can work miracles and I know He will!
ReplyDeleteOf course not! The hard part is trying to figure out how He's going to allow you to fulfill them, I think.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I'm not sure. I mean, I'm not trying to be debbie rain cloud or anything, but I think sometimes that God gives us desires to see how readily we will offer them back to Him. Jesus desired to live; I'm sure he desired it deeply. I don't think he desired to die for our sins. But he did it, in part, because he offered his desire for life back to God.
ReplyDeleteI'm in the infertility boat too, and sometimes I wonder if part of the reason why God gives me the desire for children is so that I can give it back to Him. So I can say that I offered him everything. Of course, that's no guarantee that it means I will have a child, but it gives me hope that those desires themselves are an opportunity to grow in faithfulness.
Just my 2c. Have a happy Easter!