TCIE is right-there really is joy in hope. I got my hope back today. And even if it only lasts for a day-today was a good day and I'll take it. I owe this return in hope to all of the positive comments on my post from yesterday. So many people were excited by my blood work and starting HCG that it actually got me thinking "maybe this could work". This made me hopeful-which gave me joy.
Sometimes I'm scared to get too hopeful. Ted's been known to say "let's not get our hopes up" and while I completely understand (and sometimes agree) with where he's coming from-I'm this point I'm thinking "getting my hopes up is all I have left!" If I can't hope-what can I do? It's fun to get excited about the possibility of a trigger shot actually working. It's fun to daydream about the way this dress would look on me if I had a baby bump. And yes, it hurts ten times worse when cycle day one shows up-but maybe it's worth it. A week of heartache for almost a month of hoping. I'll take those odds. If I don't hope-I'll be miserable the entire month instead of just during my period.
Things got accomplished today. I talked with both clinics at least ten times total. I figured out the amount each ultrasound is going to cost (less than we thought!). I put my new ultrasound girl in touch with my old ones in TN. I scheduled the ultrasounds for 7:15 am every day next week. I talked to my doctor about finding me some HCG. Things fell into place. This gives me hope.
I was joyful to my kids today. I haven't been joyful in probably over a month. I laughed with them. I hugged them like crazy. I even stopped by some of the infant rooms to snuggle some of the babies before they went down for their nap. I realize that this could all come crashing down in about 3 and a half weeks-but I don't care about that right now. Right now, I'm taking what I can get. And if I can get hope in ultrasounds and HCG-then I'm taking it.
I'm so glad you've found your hope. Now, just remember where you keep it bottled up so that you never run out again :)
ReplyDeletePraying that hCG is your miracle drug! (It was for Sew!)
This is so wonderful, and it made me smile!!! :)
ReplyDeleteI am hopeful for you, too!!
Yes, hope! It really is all that we can do...
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're joyful. I smiled and are hopeful for you too!
ReplyDeleteI have hope for you, too!!!!! Praying for you.
ReplyDeleteHope is a great blessing -- hold onto it as tightly as you can and we'll all keep praying for you!
ReplyDeleteDid you get my email? I sent you my # but didn't hear from you. Of course, I should have just called you, but like I thought I might I totally lost track of time. Want to plan a do over? I am glad things are better!
ReplyDeleteYour posts never fail to make me think. Now, I'm trying to figure out how to be truly, honestly joyful in the day-to-day while in the midst finishing my program (with the fact that I have no job lined up looming large). So I'm looking harder. I never have any Words of Wisdom to offer you, but I think your other readers do a good job. Also, just so you know that I'm not just benefiting from your posts & giving nothing back, know that you are often in my thoughts, and therefore in my prayers. Love you!
ReplyDeleteThis is so great! You made me smile. Thank you for your kind words on my post yesterday. I'm feeling a little more hopeful today too. This is such a great perspective to have.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you are feeling hopeful, and I'm hopeful for you too. I'm glad you've found someone to get the u/s done with.
ReplyDeleteHi! I just wanted to say that I'm very impressed with your blog and where you are spiritually. I'm a lay Carmelite and I'll be praying to my dear friend, St. John of the Cross, to give you lots of grace and light during this period of infertility. Have great hope! God is good!
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