A Possible Explanation

As with all of life's major questions, I'm wondering WHY infertility has to exist. Not so much "why me?" (although I do wonder that as well) but "why at all?" Something dawned on my the other day during my commute and I'm hoping I'll be able to explain my thoughts coherently. Here goes.

Children are gifts. It's as simple (and at the same time ridiculously complex) as that. They are ONLY gifts and they are ALWAYS gifts. No child can ever exist that is not a complete and utter gift from God. As Catholics, we are called to be an example to the world that children are gifts and that human life is precious.

So many Catholic families do a wonderful job providing this example when they welcome children into their homes in large numbers. A family very dear to my heart has nine children (under the age of 12!). They are a living, breathing, in-you-face witness to the fact that children are ALWAYS gifts. No child is unwanted, no child is a burden, no child was created without the hand of God. This family makes people think. They make people uncomfortable. In a world where children are seen as too expensive, too inconvenient, too time consuming, and too much work-this family dares to say, "No they're not!!" They are so pleasing to the Lord because they are spreading His message that children are a gift from Him and should be received with open arms if and when He wants to give them to you.

Another witness to the fact that children are ALWAYS a gift are families of children with special needs. Special needs kiddos have such a "special" place in my heart as a speech-language pathologist. So many families courageously raise children who have the odds stacked against them. They welcome babies into the world despite knowing that they'll have Down's Syndrome or only live for a few hours outside the womb. Children, no matter what kind of problems they may have, are ALWAYS a gift. These families are great witnesses of that.

But even with the great examples of large Catholic familes and parents raising children with special needs, the world is still left wondering why children are ONLY a gift. That's where the infertiles come in. Children are ONLY a gift, meaning they cannot be purchased, demanded, or earned. If God does not wish to bestow this gift upon you, you will not be blessed with the gift of a child. On the flip side of the contraceptive/abortion culture that says children are something to be done away with are those who view children as a right. Both are seriously misguided. Children should not be created in a lab. They shouldn't grow in the tummies of surrogate women who are not their mothers. Immoral practices (specifically masturbation for sperm donation) should never be done so that a couple can have a child.

Maybe it's my responsibility to witness this to the world. You don't deserve children-you are blessed with them. You can't earn them-they are ONLY a gift. When I stand in the back of Mass on Sunday, surrounded by large families witnessing to the blessing of children, I am making just as strong of a statement. It may not be quite as visible, and a lot of people may miss it (or worse-think I'm part of the contraceptive culture), but it's a statement that needs to be made. And somebody's got to do it. And I'm honored that God has asked me to be that somebody.

This doesn't make my childlessness any easier. I still wish I was called to witness to the fact that children are ALWAYS gifts while I loaded them up into our 15 passenger van instead of witnessing to the fact that they're ONLY gifts while driving away in a car without car seats. But knowing that my infertility can do some good in the world makes it a little more bearable. Children are not to be discarded nor avoided nor deserved. And I have the privilege of witnessing to one part of that claim.