As with all things in life, when it came time to think about birth I did a lot of research, talked to a ton of people, spent some time in prayer, talked Ted's head off for hours, and trusted my increasingly strong gut instinct. This is the result.
Birth is a natural process. Pregnancy is not a disease or illness. It is a normal stage of life. An incredibly awesome normal stage of life.
I am not afraid of giving birth. I trust my body to know what to do. I trust my body to instinctively do what it needs to take care of my baby. It's already doing it. It will continue to do it. This acceptance was hard to come to since my body didn't instinctively know how to get pregnant-but I'm there now. The amazing care it has provided my baby with these last 23 weeks has convinced me.
Ted is the most important person in the entire world for helping me through this birth. He is learning and studying and reading as much as I am. He's praying harder than I am. He is my coach, my best friend, my baby's daddy. He is my primary support.
Babies are born on their birthdays, not their due dates. There is absolutely nothing special about February 2nd, other than the fact that is is 38 weeks after the beautiful night that this miracle was conceived. If my baby wants to hang out inside mom for a few more weeks, then who am I to stop her? I will wait-even if I do so rather anxiously and impatient.
Drugs are for sick people and I am not sick. I will not use drugs during my labor and delivery unless they become medically necessary for my safety or my baby's. Epidurals are not medically necessary (in almost all cases). Pitocin is not medically necessary (in almost all cases). And in many, many, many cases C-sections are not necessary. I will reject these and other options unless they are crucial for the life and safety of my baby.
Drugs are bad for babies. Period. There is absolutely no way to convince me otherwise. I do not care if you had an epidural/narcotic/whatever and your baby turned out fine. I'm glad that your baby is fine. There is no guarantee that mine will do the same. I will not risk it. What goes to the momma, goes to the baby. I do not want to drug my baby.
I am not an idiot and think that labor and delivery will be easy. I actually believe it will be the hardest and most demanding thing I ever do in my life. While I do think that years and years of endometriosis cramps have given me an slight edge in knowing what to expect in the pain department-I fully expect contractions to be more intense and and more painful than I can even imagine.
Labor and birth require preparation. I will not show up at the hospital on delivery day and wait for the nurses to tell me what to do. I will know what to do to the best of my ability. I will read about birth, watch videos of birth, and practice for birth. I will not be an expert. I will make mistakes. But I won't walk in blindly and let a stranger tell me what I need to know.
The preparation starts now. Ted and I have been practicing daily for over a month. We will continue to practice daily for the next four months until the baby comes. We practice birthing positions and relaxation techniques. He coaches me in exercises that will give me much needed stamina and endurance during labor. We attend childbirth classes and take lots of notes.
I will hold my baby immediately after delivery. A baby should be with his mommy in the first moments of life-not on an examination table with a nurse who means absolutely nothing to him. I will be covered in blood and sweat and goo and it will be the most amazing moment of my life. I have tears in my eyes every time I think about it.
I will give breastfeeding my absolute very best effort because it is what's best for me and what's best for my baby.
I will keep my baby with me at all possible times while still in the hospital. I will not leave his care up to the nurses, although I will be eternally grateful for their help. My mothering responsibility will not take a two day break while I "relax" in the hospital. I will be exhausted, overwhelmed, and emotionally spent. But I will have spent my energy bonding with my baby and I will never regret that.
Maybe this philosophy comes across as judgemental? Like I'm judging mothers out there who've made decisions that are different from mine? I hope not. I'm not judging. Do I think that my decisions are superior? Well, obviously. If I didn't, I wouldn't have made these decisions.
Perhaps veteran moms out there are reading this and thinking, "Just wait until you go through it. You have no idea what you're talking about." And they're right to some extent. I've never given birth. But I know I can. And I know how I want to do it.
Am I a bit nervous about announcing the expectations I have set for myself on such a public forum? Yup! Talk about accountability! In four months or so I will (God willing) write about my birth experience and you will all be able to judge for yourselves how well I carried out my philosophy. "I told you so" comments will happily be deleted :)
Good for you! What a wonderful mother you already are. This is the best plan for your baby because his/her mama prayed about it and talked about it with daddy! You also seem really prepared for the fact that yes, sometimes things happen that are not in the plan (you know that!!) but I think it is a great idea to have your ideal down - it will help you in many ways IF you have to adjust for what ever reason. What a blessed baby you have!
ReplyDeleteKaitlin, Good for you for knowing what you want in your birth experience!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say that I prepared daily for an hour at a time for 6 months during my first pregnancy, and I was very adamant about going natural to anyone who asked.
I had a birth plan, and I was determined to stick to it. However, my water broke at 10 pm the night before, and I stayed awake all night practicing and listening to my birth tapes on my ipod even though I wasn't in very much pain yet.
So by 4 o'clock the next day after living on water and saltines and no sleep, I was entering transition, and I started to lose it. :(
I ended up getting the epidural which ended up being the right decision for me, but after Avery was born at 11:10 pm, 25 hours after my labor began, I had feelings of guilt and embarrassment since I had eaten my words...
I just wanted to tell you that I don't doubt your resolve, and I am very confident that you will be able to deliver naturally! However, please don't feel like you are a failure if things don't go exactly as you planned.
I am praying for you!
Mary! I really think most of us start out with expectations like yours! I remember having them both times and it was so fun and wonderful to plan and dream about how everything would go. And for some women it goes perfectly. They'll say "I pushed twice and the baby was out!" I even heard "piece of cake" once. BUT, here's my big BUT (literally and figuratively), sometimes things do not go as planned and I don't want you to feel like a failure if you have to get some help. When I ended up with an emergency C, I was so disappointed and shocked that I had a hard time enjoying my baby at first. I just stewed on it for days...and I regret that. She got out healthy and alive and so did I! Then with my second, I was DETERMINED to have a natural VBAC but the baby got stuck again...and birthing disaster struck again. I do love your determination too, I do! Just be ready for anything... And I really do hope your beautiful birthplan comes to fruition, that would be amazing!
ReplyDeleteRight on girl! I think it's awesome that you have such a clear vision of what you want for your baby's birth. You are so right - it's a natural process and your body will know what to do. I remember with my first going into a "zone" and just getting through it. It was an amazing experience! Yours will be too. Especially since you're practicing so diligently.
ReplyDeleteAs a veteran mom who has broken just about every rule on your list (!), I do not at all take it personally nor should anyone else. Your desires and expectations are exactly what most of us desire and expect of childbirth. When things come up that may be different than what we expect, we trust God and our doctors. You and Ted will be well informed and able to make the best decisions together. I have no doubt that you will do great!
Guess who is up at 3 nursing? Yes, that would be me. :)
ReplyDeleteKatie, I think your plans rocks. Throughout your post... I cringed with a slight pain, remembering so vividly my paralleled set of convictions a year ago.
I had almost hourly daydreams for the entire 3rd trimester about the intensity of labor. My body was mentally preparing for labor, and I longed to be that strength, courage, and love which was so clearly spelled out as it always has been with natural birth.
And then, due to nine pounds fully breeched, - c-section: the sterile, cold, methodical experience I had not prepared for.
Please do me a favor. Have you found good literature which describes the effects of a c-section, the emotional difficulties? Well, find some, read it, and from now to that moment you are pushing your sweet darling into life on the outside offer your pain and prayers to those women who can't. You already know we will all be praying for you!
You are going to do such an amazing job. I know that you have the focus to see this through to the end (or is that a new beginning?). :)
ReplyDeleteI don't disagree with any of it. You sound realistic. It only bothers me when women get so tied up in their plans that they forget that the babies have plans of their own and that the end goal is a healthy baby. I know that won't be a problem for you. I wanted to nurse right away and my baby wasn't ready for it. But he got there. We kept him in my room the whole time and I love it. I had an epidural and I loved that too, but it isn't for everyone. I think you are awesome and I enjoyed reading this!
ReplyDeleteoh, and you are so smart to learn the relaxation exercises. Let me tell you, epidural or not, those come in handy and you'll never regret learning them regardless of how the birth goes. I didn't learn to relax the first time, knowing I was getting an epidural. Boy, that really bit me in the behind! :)
ReplyDeleteLove it! Ditto!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouragement and advice girls! Ash-I've read a lot about what to expect during the actual c-section procedure and how to still make it an experience I'll look back on fondly, but I haven't really read any info about how to handle things after the fact. Great idea!
ReplyDeleteIt's great, Kaitlin! I really hope it all goes as you've planned. I will echo what some of the other women are saying, though, about not loving your plans so much that it's devastating for you or makes you feel guilty if you deviate in any way from your plan. With both of my births, my babies stayed with the nurses the first night (well, for a few hours) and were brought back to me to nurse. At first I felt like a terrible mom for doing that, but I'll tell you what... that was just the first time of a thousand times I've had to swallow my self-pride and own up to the fact that I needed some help to be a good mom. I didn't get any sleep the night I had Clare, either way, but I was able to relax when I had Henry, knowing that someone else was "on-duty" and making sure he was breathing/warm/fed (I was afraid I'd sleep through it, so it was nice to have someone bring him to me and wake me up).
ReplyDeleteAnd, I definitely wasn't prepared to have monitors hooked up to BOTH of my kids' heads, in utero. Clare's heart rate kept dropping when I'd contract, and Henry's cord was wrapped around his shoulders and would cut off his air flow when I contracted. My epidural only worked on one side, so I can tell you that (half of) a natural birth is completely possible! :) Best wishes and know that when the time comes, we'll all be praying for you!!!
I really like your team-work with Ted. Way to go!
ReplyDeleteDon't forget to pray! I wouldn't go in there with an elaborate prayer routine- just have a comforting Biblical image in your mind or a special Saint. I prayed to the Archangel Raphael during my youngest daughter's birth. It was beautiful, and boy did Miss Tess need his intercession for the first month of her life!
De-lurking to say that I think this is an AMAZING post! I am engaged and will be married in July, and hopefully will be pregnant soon (I am also Catholic and have discerned my call from God to be a mother). I come from a huge family and have a lot (and that's putting it lightly) of views about childbirth/childrearing. Natural birth and breastfeeding are definitely high on that list, and lots of people think I'm nuts for being so upfront and honest about them. It's wonderful to read about someone as vocal and opionated as I am!
ReplyDeleteGood for you! I'm glad that you have all of these choices. Not all of us do. I, for example, know I will be induced on December 27, one week before my due date, because I am diabetic, and that's how things are done. Since I'll be induced, I'll probably have an epidural, because we all know that contractions on pitocin are way worse than natural ones. To skip either of those things are choices I never had. Please don't take for granted the fact that you have them.
ReplyDeleteAll that said, I may end up with a c-section anyway, if the baby is too big to be birthed vaginally. Big (larger than 9lbs.) babies are the biggest risk associated with diabetic mothers. So even though I'm only 12 weeks away from delivery, I have no idea how my little girl will enter the world, other than that it won't be through a totally natural childbirth, because that was never an option for me.
Of course its frustrating, of course it sucks. Of course I wish it could be different. But when I'm holding a healthy baby in my arms who came into the world via medical interventions, I'll be grateful for those things. Because ultimately, the birth process involves us, but its not about us. It's about the baby.
Also, I think that what happens in the first days after the baby is born is probably more important than having our birthing plan come completely to fruition. Being able to bond, to breastfeed, to really get to know your baby, that seems to be of the most vital importance for the child's flourishing.
I really do hope that all of your birthing plans will be able to come true. Every mother deserves to at least let her wishes be known, whether or not they can always be honored. :)
I am one of those women who's longest labor was 4hours and most ammount of pushes was 3, so having had KILLER periods for years I didn't think labor was that bad. I did have a very good doula, though.
ReplyDeleteI also have one baby with his cord wrapped around his neck 3 (yes, 3!) times and another baby with a huge knot. It is helpful to know that ALL babies have a slight drop in their heart rate when they are going through the birth canal. It is NORMAL. Of course, if the baby is stuck, the C-section is a must but I can't help but wonder how many women ended up with a C-sections because their doctors wanted to make it home for dinner and told them that the baby's survival is questionable without a C-S to speed up the process. No, I am not against drugs (just afraid of needles) or a C-S, and normal people are in labor for more then 4 hours, so do be prepared for change of plans. After all, baby's safety is what's important. I don't think God gives us extra points for doing it all natural :)
As a mom of three, I was right where you were before #1 was born. And #1's delivery was everything (almost) I had hoped for. We took the Bradley classes and we were ready - but I was seeing a doctor in a practice that simply did not let women labor past 41 weeks. Period. Looking back now, I wonder what would have happened if I had insisted. . . Anyway, I showed up at 41 weeks, 1 day for my "induction" - but my doctor listened to me and respected my wishes and only broke my water - no Pitocin - I wanted to build up to heavy labor. I labored for 20 hours - no big deal to me, really - because of that I had 3 shift changes - my first nurses were not kind - wanted to get me on the Pitocin, on the epidural - get that baby out of me. My second shift nurse was AMAZING - totally supported us, cheered us on through the rough spots - knew my wishes and wouldn't let me give in to the pain - helped my husband coach me through wanting the epidural (because I did start to beg for one). My third shift nurses were okay - but if not for the amazing second shift nurse, I would not have had such a good birth experience. My daughter was born after two pushes and the only drug I had was a shot of numbing meds for the episiotomy - doc tried to let me tear, but it was going to be a bad tear and she had to cut to control it.
ReplyDeleteBaby #2 - all set for another natural childbirth. Different hospital. These nurses were kind enough to read my birth plan and assign nurses to me who shared my philosophy. However, 11 hours into labor (I'm a long laborer - I was only dialated to a 4) baby went into distress - emergency c-section, she was out 9 minutes after it was called. Her placenta and umbilical cord were nasty looking - not pink, meaty, stretchy - placenta was black, cord was floppy. And the cord was 2X around her neck. Because I was laboring naturally, I had to go under general anesthesia for the delivery. That was hard - I was out, my husband couldn't be in the room. It was two hours before I got to meet my darling girl. However, I never felt like a failure or that I had been robbed - I felt that I had been blessed by a series of amazing events that led to her distress being caught, my pediatrician being at the hospital (it was a holiday weekend), and my nurses working fast. (I did, however, before I went under, tell my nurse that the baby was to be baptized if she was anything other than perfectly healthy at birth.)
Baby #3 - it had to be a scheduled c-section. Where I live, there are no hospitals that currently allow VBAC - and I prayed long and hard for God's guidance as to whether I accepted this or sought a hospital a great distance from home to VBAC. Without going into details, I was convinced that God was guiding me to accept the repeat c-section. However, being scheduled, I was under local anesthesia and awake and my husband was there.
3 very different birth stories - but the end result was the same - healthy baby and healthy mama. And even though I held baby #1 as she came out, I didn't even try to nurse baby #2 until several hours after delivery, and baby #3 had to wait awhile, too - all 3 nursed very well.
My biggest advice - have your plans but realize that they are just that - plans. See if you can find out which nurses at the hospital lean more toward natural childbirth and request them.
Many blessings!
Thanks for sharing your birth stories! I love hearing about babies coming into the world-no matter how they got here.
ReplyDeleteI do want to clarify though, that this is my birth PHILOSOPHY. I never said PLAN. I think they're very different. These are the things I feel passionately about, things I think are best for mom and baby, and things I am working towards. But I know that "God laughs at our plans" and haven't set my heart on any type of birth or ruled out any options. You are all exactly right-a healthy baby is the most imporant!
Hey Kaitlin, I came across your blog through another one that I read and have found myself checking in on you occasionally to see how your little bean is growing. :) I love your birth philosophy, it is very much in line with my own, though I don't have and probably won't have children of my own. I would encourage you to read the birth stories posted on http://www.rixarixa.blogspot.com She comes from an LDS background (Mormon) and has done home births with both of her babies. They are beautiful stories and support the idea that the mother's body knows what to do.
ReplyDeleteHave you been doing Hypnobabies??
ReplyDeleteBecause I did, and I loved it.
I still ended up laboring for 3 days with no dilation (long story), getting Pitocin and eventually an epi -- hard and fast contractions (about every 15-20 seconds) and then, a C Section (and my midwives have a 10% Section rate and I was beyond 42 weeks) but I agree with everything you said!
I did everything right - nutrition, acupuncture, herbal tinctures, red raspberry leaf and nettle throughout pregnancy - but my body was one of the very, very few which was literally unable to birth normally. (It WILL next time, I've been assured.)
You will be TOTALLY fine - you are not sick, and labor is [whispers] not as bad as people say it is.
;)
;)
;)
(For the record, neither are C Sections.)
:)
I'm right there with you Kaitlin! And while I know that things happen and we can't always plan for things...and things don't always go according to our plans I too would love to have a natural delivery. I agree, pregnancy is not a disease or an illness. Labor under normal circumstances is not an emergency.
ReplyDeleteI have witnessed with several friends labors as well as both of my sisters labors doctors doing interventions because they want to speed things along for their own benefit rather than the benefit of mother or baby.
Many doctors like to use scare tactics in order to convince a mother to allow interventions so it is very important to go into labor prepared. I think it helps to discuss your wishes with the doctor well in advance. Discuss it with the hospital too if you are able to.
The thing that has helped keep me motivated towards a natural labor and delivery is recovery time. Women who do it totally natural recover a whole lot faster! My sister had serious issues with her lower back following her epidurals. Besides, the idea of sticking a needle anywhere near my spine makes me super nervous!
Everyone I have told about my plans seems to think I'm crazy and that there is no way I will be able to handle it. To tell you the truth, that just makes me want to do it more. :)
love the philosophy (recognize that it's not a plan- good distinction after hearing everyone's feedback!) and know that it will be mine, should it ever come to that!
ReplyDeleteTo second what Cathy said- my best friend just had a v-back with hypno-birth and had a fabulous experience. And get a good doula. I thought it sounded too new age, but I've had 3 amazing Catholic friends who have used one now, and had such fabulous things to say about it. One even became a doula after the great experience!!!
Blessings on your plan and journey!!!!
Love the philosophy and totally agree with it. It's so important to educate and prepare yourself so that you don't get pushed into unnecessary interventions and you will be able to handle necessary interventions.
ReplyDeleteHi Kaitlin-
ReplyDeleteI'm a lurker, but I had to tell you how much I loved your thoughts. We just had our third child on Christmas Eve at home (the other two were born in the hospital with a midwife) and it was such a good, prayerful experience. Not that it was easy. Good in a running-a-marathon sort of way. More than anything I was motivated to be fully present to what my body was doing and I wanted to immediately bond with the little one. And I wanted to not have a c-section. Guess that I had a lot of wants, really.
Anyway, just wanted to echo that it is great how informed you are and that your husband is on board. Very important that he is a good support and advocate for you. Excited for you to have the experience of labor and delivery.
What Mrs. Blondie's said...
ReplyDeleteI consider Hypnobabies to be a great success. It allowed me to labor for 3 days with no meds, to accept Pitocin on the chance in might help me dilate, to accept an epidural for the same reason, and ultimately, to remain calm and trust God when my baby's heart rate dropped dangerously low and I needed a Section. (And frankly, at that point - when I saw on the monitor that my baby's hr was at 45bpm - I would have jumped in front of a train for him anyway. What's a little abdominal surgery?)
My midwives put me in every position under the sun,, when I finally dilatedI pushed for 2.5 hours with a sunnyside up kid so close HIS HAIR WAS VISIBLE DANGIT!, I was walking, sitting, squatting. Sometimes, things happen.
But Hypnobabies gave me strength during pregnancy and strength during a section and strength for the days that followed.
I loved it and will do it again if I ever have more kiddies.
I love your philosophy! I have had eight babies, some with no drugs at all, some with epidurals (no C-sections). I have quick labors (three hours and under, then two pushes and they're out. Would tell about them one at a time for you, but that would take a lot of space, ha ha! I must admit to being a big fan of the epidural, even though I was happy those times I didn't get one...
ReplyDeleteI echo everyone else: Don't be hard on yourself if things go another way. But I will pray that it all goes beautifully!
I love it and I could have written every single word myself.
ReplyDeleteYou can absolutely do it. Yes, it will hurt but it is pain with a purpose and your baby is waiting for you at the end.
I can't wait to read your birth story!