Redemptive Suffering and Mary's Role

Thanks for the emails and comments on my last post about offering up our sufferings. Advice from those with the same goal of heaven is always appreciated! God found his own way to give me some advice as well. For the last week or so I've noticed a book sticking out farther than the other books on our book shelf in the living room. When I would sit on the couch to watch TV or read I would glance over at the book and become a bit annoyed by it. (This is a typical OCD Kaitlin reaction.) But for a week straight, by the time I would get up from my chair I would have completely forgotten about pushing the book back in its place. The next day I would sit down again and the cycle would continue.

Yesterday I did some deep cleaning on our apartment and finally remembered to reorganize the books on the shelf (lining up perfectly is very important you know). When I tried to push the previously mentioned book in, it wouldn't move. There was another book shoved behind it causing it to stick out. That book....Redemptive Suffering by Fr. Samuel Tiesi. I just sat there for a second with a smile on my face and kind of looked around to see if anyone was watching, although I knew I was home alone. "Yeah, yeah-I get it," I said to God. The book was given to me by a friend in Missouri (as a loaner, not a gift-oops!) and I remember reading the first couple chapters but never went any further. I have no idea how the books came to be up against each other like this. I assure you I haven't dusted that shelf since before Christmas. This small little incident may seem trivial and coincidental to some, but it meant a lot to me. It reminded me that God provides us with the answers we need when we need them. Not the ones we WANT, but always the ones we need. I also found it somewhat humbling when I realized that this book was waiting for me to find it for over a week-even before I wrote the last post with all its complaints and grumblings about not understanding redemptive suffering. Oh Jesus, you're so patient with me!

Another issue that's been pressing on me lately concerns the title of this blog. I knew when I started the blog that I had to have a purpose in creating it. It couldn't just be the ramblings and daydreams of my mind. If I was going to put so much effort into it, it needed to lead me closer to Christ. I really believe that God led me to blog about becoming more like Mary because he wanted me to BECOME more like Mary. Since I announced this to world, however, the concept has been very tough for me. Mary never had to worry about not getting pregnant-she got pregnant without even having sex! Much less without surgery, NFP charts, and prescription drugs! She and Joseph never spent a day of their marriage worried that they wouldn't be able to start a family. Knowing that, I'm having a hard time figuring out how to relate to her. I realize that the qualities she possesses are qualities that I should emulate if I want to get through this experience and come out on the other side with a closer relationship to Jesus. But in the day to day struggles and pain, I'm not just sure she "gets" me. I've actually been worried that I won't even be able to continue this blog because I can't keep up the idea of becoming more like her when I'm not a mother and don't know if I'll ever be one.

What does God do to help me through this? Just re-read the previous section about the mysterious little book that showed up right when I needed it to! Not only have the first few chapters answered some of my questions about the value and purpose of suffering, but it answered one major question about my relationship with Mary through my struggles with infertility. This answer came in a chapter on the necessity of suffering when it comes to salvation. The author writes, "Do we not know that if Jesus and his mother, God the father's favorites, had to suffer and die in order to enter into glory, we his followers have to do the same in order to enter into glory?". It's true that, although Mary never knew the pains of infertility, she suffered greatly while on earth. At the Presentation of our Lord the prophet Simeon told her, "And you yourself a sword will pierce." She watched her only son suffer at the hands of the people and die a horrible and painful death on the cross. While she may not know my pain, she is no stranger to pain. The last line of the chapter really hit me. "And just as Mary suffered with him to the end, we can trust that Mary, our Mother, will suffer with us until the end."

Mary doesn't need to have gone through what I'm going through to be able to help me through it. She can suffer WITH me. The same can be said for my many wonderful friends who have been blessed with children but are still willing to suffer with me and help me in their own way. Mary is a heavenly version of the Ashley's and Alisha's I have on earth. And just because these friends haven't experienced the pain of wanting a child and not knowing if they'll ever exist, doesn't mean that I value their friendship any less, or that I don't still turn to them for help, advice, and prayers. God gave me heavenly examples of women in my position in Hannah, Sarah, and Elizabeth. He gave me earthly examples in Pat, and Debbie, and Kathy, our nurse that teaches us NFP. And even though Mary doesn't understand my pain the way that Kathy and Pam and Debbie do, doesn't mean that she's any less willing to help me through it. As Fr. Tiesi said, "our Mother will suffer with us until the end."