The reflection is broken up into a series of points. The first point asks us to reflect on the qualities of a wonderful human king, the kind of king who all people respect and obey. It was clear to me that this king would have all of the qualities of our Lord. He would be just, yet merciful. Strong, but with a heart for the weak. Smart. Honest. Compassionate. Joyful. The list could go on and on.
The second point instructs us to consider the following address from the king: It is my will to conquer all the lands of the infidel. Therefore, whoever wishes to join with me in this enterprise must be content with the same food, drink, clothing, etc. as mine. So, too, he must work with me day by day, and watch with me by night, etc., that as he has had a share in the toil with me, afterwards, he may share in the victory with me.
The third point asks us to consider what kind of answer the faithful subjects of the king would give. A loyal subject would give a resounding "yes!" to the king and willingly follow him into whatever horror and suffering awaited.
Ignatius then draws our focus to the true King, Jesus Christ. Jesus gives the same address to his faithful subjects as did the earthly king. He asks us: Follow me in suffering so that you may follow me in glory. Wow. It didn't take long for God to clarify in my mind my calling to suffer with him. I am a solider, Christ is my King. If I contemplate on the duty and calling of a soldier, I realize it is anything but glamorous. They sleep on the ground, they eat simple meals, they keep watch throughout the night. They endure broken bones, loss of limbs, traumatic brain injuries, and worse. And they do not complain. They willing fight and die for their country and they do so without complaint. If they chose not to suffer, they would have no share in the victory.
If I expect to share in the victory of Christ, if I expect to share in the glory of heaven, I must fight beside him in the battlefield. I must suffer with him on the cross. We are all called to be suffering soldiers in the army of God. And, perhaps as a reward for my faithfulness to him, God has appointed me to this particular mission, to this particular suffering. Just as a faithful soldier would be chosen to carry out a top-secret and very dangerous mission, I have been chosen to bear a heavy and sorrowful cross. The soldier may tremble with fear as they board their jet and prepare for their mission, but the glory that awaits them in the victory is far greater than the fate that awaits the soldier who cowardly hides in the back of the line. If I truly want to share in the victory of Christ's cross, I must pick up my own, suffer along with him, and do so without complaint.
And just as the soldier who was chosen for the top-secret mission, I should be honored when I'm presented with a burden that I can return to the Lord, especially one so great and heavy. I have been blessed with infertility so that I may offer my sorrow to Christ and share fully in his glory at the end of my life. And more than a medal of honor or a purple heart, this soldier will seek to be rewarded with the words: Well done, my good and faithful "soldier".
I prayed for you at church today even got a little teary eyed. I am thinking of you constantly.
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