I don't know if this post is going to make any sense. But it's dying to come out of me.
There aren't words in the English language nor characters on my keyboard to describe how much I love this little baby growing inside of me. With every kick my love grows tenfold. When I feel a little head (or maybe it's a butt..) bulging out, I lay my hands on my stomach and am just in awe of the fact that there is such little space separating my hand from my baby. I know that she can hear me when I tell her that I love her, because I say it with my soul rather than my mouth. When the baby isn't moving, I just hug my belly with both arms and tell him over and over how much I love him.
How is it possible to love someone that you've never laid eyes on? That you've never heard speak? And not just love them-but love them with an intensity and a passion that you didn't know could even exist in the entire span of human existence.
This may sound very prideful, but I'll venture to say that the moms out there know exactly what I'm talking about. I honestly feel like NO ONE on earth has ever loved ANYONE as much as I love this baby. Ever. The end.
I still don't understand the depth of my own mother's love, because I feel like it's not even possible for her to love me as much as I love this baby. How could she? My love for this baby is so intense, so powerful. Is it really possible that someone could love ME this much? It just doesn't seem so. While I know in my heart and soul that my mom loves me with the same intense love that all mothers love their children with, it's so hard for me to really believe that. For me to believe that any human being could love me this much. I feel as if it's only my baby, the one person in the entire world, who is capable of inspiring so much love in another person.
Is it really possible that my love will increase when they place this tiny bundle on my chest? Can my love really grow stronger than it is right now? I just can't imagine this feeling, this heart wrenching feeling, getting any stronger. It's already stronger and bigger and wider than anything I've ever experienced before.
And if our Father in heaven truly loves us infinitely more than we love our own children-what does that say about God's love for me? I can't even begin to comprehend it.
* I just labled this post "motherhood"!!! The first of many I'm sure. Thank you Jesus.
This is so beautiful Kaitlin! I have a similar post swirling in my head. The other da while I was feeling this little one tickle my belly I told Kevin that I love him/her so much it was almost painful. I know it will, but I can't imagine how.
ReplyDeleteIt is an amazing thing isn't it? I have more understanding of my parents love as I can see their love for me thru the eyes of love I have for my daughter. It's unlike anything I've experienced before....beautiful, amazing and yes humbling.
ReplyDeleteOK, you made me burst into tears with this.
ReplyDeleteI felt your words SO STRONGLY... but I do have to say, maybe moreso for my own peace (because I may never have the chance to feel exactly the way you do) that this line stung a bit:
"I'll venture to say that the moms out there know exactly what I'm talking about."
I'd venture to say that those who've resolved to the fact that their calling in life to be a mother may never come to fruition in this world ALSO know exactly what you're talking about.
Not trying to be combative at all... please know that. I love you like a bloggy sister ;)
But my heart aches it loves my baby so much. And I may never even have or see that baby in my lifetime on earth.
When you wrote this:
"How is it possible to love someone that you've never laid eyes on? That you've never heard speak? And not just love them-but love them with an intensity and a passion that you didn't know could even exist in the entire span of human existence."
I related to every single word, and I would only add to it How is it possible to love someone who doesn't even exist?
That is EXACTLY how I feel. EXACTLY. I am sure that my love will continue to grow and grow if and when a child ever does exist that I can call my own... just as your love will continue to grow for your child as it grows. But I assure you, it's not "only" mothers who know exactly what you're talking about.
Beautiful post. It makes me yearn so much for the day, here or in heaven, when I can direct my unabounding love to an actual soul.
I always try to make the same connection, the more love I feel for my child every day, just watching him breathe or sleep or blink...I think God loves me this much and MORE! It puts it all in amazing perspective.
ReplyDeleteKaitlin, TCIE... wow, you ladies are both incredible. Beautiful, beautiful, thoughts. When I started spotting before discovering the molar pregnancy, I remember tearfully pleading with God. "Please let this baby live. I want this baby. I love this baby so much!"
ReplyDeleteAccording to the medical books that little life never even existed, but I still love that baby...I still think of her as my little Veronica. Some may think that is silly, but it gives me peace.
It makes me happy to hear of your awe. I feel it too.
ReplyDeleteSo beautiful! Thank you for this!
ReplyDeleteAnd TCIE, your feelings make perfect sense to me!
Great post! I like to think that as much as I love my kids, Our Blessed Mother loves me EVEN more!
ReplyDelete