My Response

Ok, this is going to be a long one. And I have about a million thoughts. Stay with me.

During the last two weeks I've found myself coming up closer against against the enemy of life. I've found it difficult to keep anger and despair away from my heart as I learn of how much effect the devil is having on the world at this moment. A dear blogger friend wrote a post last week about the lack of assistance she received from Christian families when her daughter was in the NICU. As if I wasn't upset enough just from reading the post-one commenter actually had the nerve to tell her it was her own fault! The rationale was that since this Catholic, stay-at-home mom spends so much time focused on raising her family and not being involved with events outside the home-she has isolated herself and pretty much got what she deserved.

I fumed.

I wrote a hundred counter responses in my head. I wanted to stick up for my friend...but I was running late for work. I emailed her and told her I was going to leave a comment later and that I was going to think and pray about what I should say so it wouldn't be too mean. I told her that I hoped she wasn't upset by the ignorant comment.

But before I could get a response typed out on the post-she emailed me back. "Oh come on Kaitlin. You've got to laugh at the devil when you see him. Let it go." Just like that-she didn't let it get to her. She recognized that the hurtful comment was not of God. She knew her lifestyle was the one that God was calling her to lead. And she let it go. I have so much to learn...

I've also been in awe by the explosion that's gone on at the Bubble in the past week. Leila is preaching the TRUTH and people are angry. [If you're not familiar-it's a blog that teaches about the Catholic faith. Non-Catholics come and leave/answer a lot of questions. Sometimes it gets heated.] I've found myself wanting to chime in, but I'm scared. I'm not that smart. I might not be able to back up all my points. What if someone attacks me? What if I get made fun of? What if someone comes over to MY blog and starts to question me the way they question Leila? So I kept quiet. I read along with every single post and silently cheered my friends on. Silently.

So even though I've found myself coming up against some evil forces lately-what has my approach been? To let it bother me. To get mad about it. To silently cheer on those who are fighting the fight of faith.

0 for 3. Nice.

Last week's Sunday readings really spoke to me. In his letter to Timothy, St. Paul writes,"I remind you to stir into flame the gift of God that you have through the imposition of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of cowardice but rather of power and love and self-control. Do not be ashamed of your testimony to our Lord...but bear your share of hardships for the gospel with the strength that comes from God." (How does St. Paul know me so well??)

And in the gospel, Jesus tells us, "Increase your faith."

Is my faith increasing? Am I ashamed of my testimony to the Lord? Am I willing to bear my share of hardships? Do I recognize the strength I have from God?

Last Sunday, it was very clear to me that a test was coming. The events (both those I've listed, and numerous others) of last week that lead up to my hearing the words of those readings were not coincidence. I knew a test was coming. I prayed for strength.

This blog has taken a completely different turn from when I started writing it. I thought it was just going to be for friends and family. I had no idea that strangers in blogland would actually take interest in what I had to say. I had no idea that friends and family would actually continue reading. It's way bigger than I ever imagined it would be. I realize now that I have NO idea who is reading this. I know certain family members have told me they're reading. I know that there are 74 people who are "followers". I know that my blog stats say that 200-400 people are coming to my site when there's a new post.

That's a lot of people to piss off. That's a lot of opinions that are different from mine. That's a lot of potential hardship to bear.

For whatever reason, I joined in on one of the recent arguments at the Bubble. I could no longer remain silent. I could no longer silently support those defending life and treat the conversation as merely a learning tool for my own knowledge. I leaped.

But it still wasn't on MY blog. How many of my family and friends are actually reading the Bubble? How many of them will ever know that I commented over there? My guess is-not many. That was comforting to me.

But I knew it wasn't enough. The whole "easy to be a missionary in a foreign land, harder in your home country" kind of thing-only blog style. God was telling me to do more.

As I left comments on the Bubble, I received emails from dear blogger friends encouraging me. People telling me that I made a good point and that I said it well. They cheered ME on. And not silently.

And my mom said something to me today that really blew me away. She's giving a talk at a retreat later this month about Christian leadership. She's using me and my blogging as an example of how to "lead". She's going to tell the retreatants that I share my faith on my blog with anyone who reads it.

Yes, my mom. My mom who doesn't even agree with many of the beliefs I hold and profess. She recognizes that this is a forum for me to stand up for what I believe in. A possible opportunity for me to "lead" others.

If she only knew how much I was holding back. If she only knew how much courage I lack when it comes to wanting to post about certain topics. If she only knew that her fearless leader was a coward most of the time.

So it stops today. I'm no longer going to stop and consider who is reading this when I sit down to write. I'm not going to worry that I'll offend a family member, an in-law, a random classmate from high school, a close friend, a stranger just following along. I will not be ashamed of my testimony to the Lord.

Specifically, the "controversy" surrounding the last two weeks has been regarding the rights of the unborn. Human life begins at conception. I'm sure most of my readers would agree with that assertion, because I think most of them are Catholic or Christian.

We must do everything we can to protect that life. That brand new, incredibly vulnerable life. If you believe that life begins at conception, then a certain amount of other beliefs must follow.

Obviously, abortion is completely immoral.

Embryonic stem-cell research is never ok, no matter what kinds of outcomes may result. It kills human life. Period.

In-vitro fertilization is a crime to millions of unborn babies. "Selective reduction"-killing off "extra" babies or killing babies that may have some sort of defect. Keeping human beings frozen indefinitely. It's evil. It's worse. It's evil under the guise of good.

Birth control pills kill human life. They primarily work by suppressing ovulation, but that only works part of the time. The other times they make the lining of the uterus unable to support the tiny embryo. So you conceive a baby and it dies in your womb without you knowing it. You're just as much a parent as I am. Your children have siblings they will only meet in heaven. How often does this happen? Often. (Yes, I realize I should cite sources here. But this post is not primarily about birth control. That is for another day. But a quick google search will tell you about the four function of the pill.)

Those are some pretty counter-cultural truths. Sometimes I so surrounded by people who think and believe the way I do (thank God!) that I forget people don't understand those. But the events of the last two weeks have reminded me otherwise. I'm counter-cultural. I'm on the "fringe of society." My views make people uncomfortable and mad. And I am just going to have to live with that.

I don't know how to end this post exactly. I usually like my posts to have a solid introduction and wrap up nicely at the end, but this post has just been a stream of thoughts coming out of my head almost faster than I can type. So I'll guess I'll just end it.

"Increase your faith."