Deferring to God

What was that? That faint ache in my left side...... the kind of ache that only an NFPer would even notice. Oh my. Here we go!

I can't even count how many times I've been asked, "When do you think you think you'll have another?" since Hannah's been born. My answer is usually the same. "Well I haven't even had my cycles back since Hannah nurses so much, so we haven't even really thought about it. But we're obviously open to whatever God is calling us to."

But that little ache, that old familiar ache. Is Aunt Flo just around the corner? Am I ready for this?

Pregnancy and the year following it have been blissfully void of the worries of infertility. No need to worry when you're pregnant, obviously. And no need to worry when you can't get pregnant because your sweet, wonderful, beautiful little girl still doesn't sleep through the night and is only lulled back to sleep by your mammary glands.

The past two years have been wonderful.

But if by chance they are coming to an end...I have mental and spiritual preparation to do.

I totally get those people who say they are content with only one child. Hannah is perfect. Amazing. We stand in awe and disbelief every single day over the blessing she is to our lives. There are times I think, "I don't even need any more children-she's more than I ever imagined she could be." And there are just as many times I think, "Lord please let me do it all over again!" Times I feel a little rumble in my lower abdomen and am taken back to that magical place of time standing still while you sit and just hold your hand to your belly...until I realize it's just gas. Times I read a birth story and beg God to let me experience the birth of another baby. Times I get teary-eyed at the thought of Hannah never having a sibling.

It's no secret-I want another baby. I want lots of them.

Now?

Maybe.

For once in my life-I'm really, really happy that God is in control of my fertility.

What a huge decision-when to bring another immortal soul into being and alter your family for eternity. I simply do not want that kind of responsibility. Who would? All those things that so many people take into account when making this decision.

Do we have enough money? Not even close according to the world's standards!

Would our children be too far apart/too close in age? Who knows! There are studies and then more studies that contradict what the first studies said. And who cares really?

Can we handle another baby? Um, that whole "If God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it." Yeah-I totally believe that.

Do we have enough space? No. But what a dumb reason to not have another child!

And so on and so on.

And while it's certainly not wrong to ponder those types of questions, what kind of answer would push me to the point of trying to avoid having another baby right now? None.

So I'm taking the easy way out. I'm leaving it up to God!

(At least for now. Don't be surprised when, in just a few short months, I'm blogging about being scared to death of taking care of two children or yelling at God for sending us into the throws of infertility again. It's my blog-I'll be wishy washy if I want to.)