Yesterday was a really hard day. I wanted to blog about it before going to bed because, honestly, I wanted to document how crappy it was. I read back over old posts and 99% of them are upbeat and talking about how great things are. And I would hate it if anybody reading this thought I didn't have bad days. If someone was ever jealous of my life because it looks so rosey on this blog. But the day was so bad that it didn't leave me with enough energy to organize a coherent post.
Nothing in particular happened to make it so terrible. I was just....tired. Every single part of me was worn out. Just two hours after waking up I was putting on a movie for Hannah so I could lay down on the couch. Then I took a second nap during her naptime. But it was never enough to give me the energy I needed to get through the day. Just taking her out of the tub and drying her off had me out of breath for the next 45 minutes. I didn't make dinner. I barely made lunch. I didn't change my clothes or fix my hair.
After finally coming up with enough energy to boil noodles and defrost some meatballs for spaghetti I couldn't get the damn jar of sauce open. At all. All I could think was "I'm going to starve." And the harder I tried to open it-the louder I yelled and the more I cried. Which obviously made Hannah cry. And now she's afraid of spaghetti sauce. Great.
And the entire day I'm beating myself up about what a crappy parent I am. The tv was on three separate times. Nothing she ate was healthy. I was quick tempered and snapped at her constantly. I let her cry in her crib for 10 minutes after she woke up (from her wonderfully long 30 minute nap....) because I just couldn't drag myself off the couch to go get her.
And when Ted gets home-what does he say? "You kept her alive. Good job today!" He picks up burritos for dinner even though it was across town. He cleans up all the toys and feeds Hannah dinner. Then he has a sit-down talk with me about how I need to take care of myself more.
We are one month away from our due date. And being pregnant is hard. I think I'm forgetting that. Not that it excuses my behavior, but at least it puts it in perspective. Our to-do list is overwhelming and my energy level has hit the floor. I need to cut myself a break.
And just coming to the realization that-yes, this is difficult and it's ok that I'm not perfect-has made today oh so much better. I got dressed and showered. I folded laundry. I did dishes. I even got groceries. And bought myself lunch from the deli even though we're already over our food budget for the month. Because I'm big fat pregnant-I need more food. I bought creamer even though I'm trying to wean myself from coffee because if a cup of coffee is the only treat I allow myself during the day-then for now I need to keep on treating.
I don't know how many days like yesterday are looming ahead in the next month. I hope not many. For Hannah's sake especially.
We all have these days.
ReplyDeleteI don't even (have never) had the excuse of being pregnant. Just tired and overwhelmed and overbudget.
Hope your days get easier!
Sounds like you and Magnify the Lord With Me had similar days. :( Many prayers, and do not be hard on yourself! God will reward your efforts, even when you think the efforts are lame and inadequate! Trust me!
ReplyDeleteYou are growing a person ~ yes that requires rest and food!! And coffee requires good creamer!
ReplyDeleteGlad today is going better, hugs and prayers!
Girl, we are twins. No doubt about it.
ReplyDeleteOh I hate days like that! I have experienced days that I feel the same way and it's miserable.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'm realizing how similar Dan and Ted are because Dan has said those exact words and is always there to "rescue" the day.
Thank God for wonderful, understanding husbands! :)
Days like that suck. They just do! I've had one too many of those days. But you know what? It gets better. And the good days far out weigh the bad.
ReplyDeleteAnd you're right, being pregnant is hard. Especially the end. I think us former ifers, we don't like to admit that it's hard. I know it made me feel guilty. But it's hard! It's work creating new life. Ted is right, you kept Hannah alive. GOOD JOB! :)
Just wanted to let you know you are awesome...an awesome person and an awesome momma!
ReplyDeleteBeing pregnant is hard work and being pregnant with a little one running around is even worse! Be sure to give yourself some grace the next few months and do what you need to do. Not sure if you read my post at the beginning of the year, but I've been there!
My days sound just like that, except my expectations must be a lot lower because I don't even feel bad about any of that! Not turning the TV on until two hours after waking up would be a major victory for me! Haha. Oh, and I'm not pregnant. You are doing great!
ReplyDeleteHang in there, Kaitlin! These are days of survival for sure! You're a good wife and mama... just tired! Blessings!!!
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like how I felt for the 1st half of my 1st trimester this time. I have never been so extraordinarily tired in my life--and then I would have another day of it... and another day...and another day. I was panicky about it because I was literally getting nothing [and I mean nothing] done for weeks! I hope you have happier days ahead!
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you had a rough day. Know that we all have them, but you have an excuse. You didn't do nothing all day-you grew a baby and took care of a toddler. exhausting is what that is! I applaud you for all you've been able to do. And I love your sweet dh who helps you put it all back in perspective. You are going to have go easier on yourself, little mama, because there will be more difficult days ahead adjusting to two and the lower you make the bar, the more chance you will exceed it. :) Oh wait, maybe that is just me :) Praying for extra graces this last month.
ReplyDeleteYou're doing fine! don't even think about it anymore, you're pregnant. Also, you weren't in a supermarket trying not to sob incontrolably so you win:)
ReplyDeleteLove your husband! And have to say the comment about Hannah being afraid of spaghetti sauce made me laugh out loud.
ReplyDeleteWe both had crappy days together yesterday! We should have texted and commiserated together. :)
Think this had anything to do with the thing you emailed about? Probably just a side effect?
It feels like you've been pregnant forever! Come on baby!!!!
This post made me smile. Not because you had a bad day of course, but because your honesty and authenticity are so beautiful! God bless you!
ReplyDeleteEveryone gets tired now and then and needs a break. Everyone has an off day here and there. Even God rested on the 7th day.
ReplyDeleteOh dear... what a day. I've been one of those lurkers who never comment but wanted to send you my condolences for such a crappy day! My friend and I blog about our "real lives" every week for this very reason... we're not the always-happy-perfect bloggers we sometimes appear to be. You should check it out. ;)
ReplyDeleteSorry for your terrible day--thankful for your wonderful husband! Can't wait to read a new birth story!
ReplyDeleteHugs! It is hard but you are AMAZING. Definitely cut yourself more than a break. You need a little pampering. :)
ReplyDeleteSorry for your icky day. Maybe the baby is coming soon!
ReplyDeleteRight before my second came (he's eight months now), my mom was with her parents while my grandfather recovered from surgery. A couple days after his surgery I called her and told her I needed her to come help me, not because I thought the baby was imminent, but because I needed help keeping my older one alive. So she did, and the baby came a day later (1.5 weeks before his due date).
So trust yourself, sometimes you just need a break.
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ReplyDeletePraise God! Here are a few reasons to rejoice in for having a Crappy Day
ReplyDeletea) Crappy Pregnancy Days make having 2 kids under age 2 feel like a breeze when your energy finally comes back
b) Crappy Pregnancy Days are about DETACHMENT--you are not a great Mom because you DO things for your family--you are a great Mom because you Exist--period
c) Crappy Pregnancy Days lets you have funny stories to share with another Mom who is also having a rough time. Honestly, what is encouragement--but "I've been there too, things will get better, Trust God." How are you supposed to Trust in God if things are always 100% awesome?
d) Crappy Pregnancy Days help you choose friends. The real friends laugh-and share a similar humiliating story. The fake one pretend they never mess up in Motherhood. Cling to the first group and stop sharing your intimate heart with the second group
e) Crappy Pregnancy Days let your husband FEEL needed-- because sometimes Ted wants to be the white knight who rescues you.
f) Crappy? Why are you labeling this day Crappy? I can't open up spaghetti jars on a good day. :-)
g) If it wasn't hard to raise two kids close together, everyone would do it--but you are raising a sibling for Hannah. A lifelong friend. She can do without a few Mommy playdates for the next six months--because she's gaining more Play dates for life!
Go easy on yourself. Love and prayers!
I know I'm a bit late on this one, and as the baby is crying I don't have time to read all the responses, but I just wanted to say, after having done this 5 times, my 9th month is always my hardest and most miserable and always when my kids end up eating too many snacks for meals, watching too many DVDs, etc. It isn't easy but it will pass. Try to take it easy yourself. Don't punish yourself for being human. Prayers for a smooth and healthy delivery. :)
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