I admit it-the last couple days have been rough. I started taking the Clomid and it hasn't liked me very much. My doctor told me to expect mood swings, breast tenderness, and hot flashes but I haven't had any of those. I've just had headaches. Constant ones. Thankfully I've been blessed with a life mostly free of headaches and I've NEVER had to suffer through a migraine. But right now that just means that I'm a pretty big baby when it comes to dealing with the tiny little hammers tapping away at my brain. On top of that-I'm getting a cold. A fellow SLP put it well today when she said, "How are you supposed to keep from getting sick when these kids are sneezing IN your MOUTH??" "They don't make hand sanitizer for your mouth," I replied.
I say this not to complain (ok maybe it's a little bit of a complaint) but to bring up a question. What in the world do people mean when they say "offer it up"? I don't know if this is common in non-Catholic circles, but Catholics are always telling other Catholics to "offer it up". I've heard this my entire life but I still can't wrap my mind around how to do it. I understand from an intellectual perspective that there is redemption in suffering. If suffering didn't serve a purpose, if it didn't lead us to Christ, then there would be no hope in suffering. But we know that there IS hope in suffering and that offering it up is one way to accomplish this. We can offer up our injuries, set backs, sorrows, and pains for the greater glory of God's Kingdom. We can offer up our suffering for the conversion of sinners, for the poor souls in purgatory, and for all those who don't know Jesus. I get that part-I just don't know how to actually "do it".
I remember having a revelation a few years ago about the immense amount of suffering I had endured since having my very first period and how I basically just "wasted" it. All of that suffering could have been offered up for mothers suffering the pains of miscarriage or for the conversion of abortionists. Did I do that? No. And just in case anyone reading this thinks that I'm this holy person who has it all figured out-I STILL don't do it. This amazing revelation caused me to do....absolutely nothing. Every month when I'm in bed with cramps I cry and moan and complain about how much it hurts. No "offering it up" at all. When the pain goes away I usually think to myself, "dang, I should have offered that up." But by the time the pain returns, the thought escapes me. The same goes for the emotional pain I deal with from our infertility. I'm sure better people than me use this exact situation to offer up prayers for thousands upon thousands of souls. I just wallow in it and pray that God grant my request.
Part of my problem is the level of selfishness I have when it comes to my situation. I want the pain (physical and emotional) to GO AWAY and I can't get to the mental or spiritual maturity it takes to see outside of myself and think of others. Somehow, offering up a prayer of, "Lord, I offer up this pain for the salvation of souls," just doesn't really seem to DO anything. Is that seriously all you have to do or am I missing something? I don't "feel" anything afterwards. The pain isn't suddenly bearable because I know I'm suffering through it for a purpose.
I hope I can figure this out because a lot of pain is being wasted and a lot of suffering is being suffered in vain. Anyone out there have any suggestions??
Offering up your pain for the benefit of someone else takes faith that what you are doing will make a difference. Just like when we Catholics go to reconciliation, we trust and have the faith that our confession, absolution and penance affect our lives. I think "offer it up" is the same way. We have faith that God will use our pain and suffering for his purposes. We just have to offer it up for him to use the pain and suffering for the betterment of someone else, whether that someone is a soul in purgatory or here on earth. We may not ever know how he's using our pain, but if it's His, then we can truse it will be used for good. I'm not a theologian or master of faith, but you have my two cents (if it's even worth that much!). Bless you Kaitlin!
ReplyDeleteFor me offering things up is a three part deal. First, I have to stop the moment and recognize the annoyance, pain, frustration. Second, I say an actual "offering it up" prayer. Third, I do an action so that I remain virtuous. And what I mean by this is, I have been known to offer something up, a frustration with my kid, and two seconds later blow up at them. So that third step might be getting off my butt and doing something for them, or praying a decade so I keep my cool, or not allowing myself to complain about my discomfort to anyone but God.
ReplyDeleteBreaking it into steps like that has made offering things up much more concrete in my life.
I'm also trying to figure out the whole "offer it up" thing! I think I'm on the opposite side of understanding, though, because I'm willing and trying to pray it, but don't really understand the whole redemptive suffering thing.
ReplyDeleteThen I highly highly recommend you find the book Redemptive Suffering that I mentioned in my other post! It is very clear and to the poing. Thanks for reading! :)
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