and ugh.
And blech again.
Being a mom is not fun. I know, I know. Big revelation I've had, huh? It used to be fun. When I had a toddler who was a joy to be around. But now she's just....two.
I just want to have fun with her. And teach her things. And snuggle and love and play with her. But I'm too busy telling her "no". All the dang day. And yes, of course I try to phrase my constant directives with positive language. But "set the cup down gently please" and "stop banging your cup!!!!!" tick her off just the same. And she only bangs harder no matter how I say it.
I would hate being with me all day if I were her. Constantly telling her what to do. Constantly making her do things the right way. I'm not a fun mom and it's driving her crazy as much as it's driving me crazy. How are we supposed to have fun reading a book together when she constantly flipping pages and taking swipes at Paul's head? Or have fun in the bathtub when all she wants to do is spit water on me and yell?
I realize that "funness" isn't the goal of motherhood. My goal is a well formed child. And right now that means a whole lot of "no". There is no way to avoid it. I have to set limits. Enforce rules. Be the bad guy. And it just sucks. It is no fun to be mean all day.
It's not like I'm trying to be mean. I'd love to be gentle and sweet and always encouraging, but I just don't understand how that is even possible with this particular little monster. It's taking everything I have not to scream at her, so reprimanding in the calmest voice possible (which isn't always calm) is the best I can do.
All day I long I blame her behavior (and my reactions) on anything and everything. If we had a bigger house with a play room. If we had more storage space up high so she couldn't get into everything. If we had a bigger bathroom so she could sit on counter with me. If, if, if. But no matter where we live she'll still crawl up on the changing table and squeeze all the saline out of the bottle. And she'll still hit Paul. And kick him. And try to bite him. And that's with me sitting right there! I can't even attempt to pee or check the oven without bringing him with me to keep him safe (and she inevitably follows. peeing is just the highlight of my day.)
I know this will pass. I know that discipline will pay off in the long run. But in the short term it just sucks sucks sucks. Disciplining toddlers was easy as a speech therapist. Someone else's kid for only 30 minutes at a time? Yes please. But my own? All day, every day? It's completely wearing me out.
I know I'm not the first mom to feel this way. I know it's not the last time I'll feel it.
Ted told me I needed to relax tonight and do something to help me recharge my batteries for tomorrow. Which is a wonderful idea..... except she just woke up screaming. About five minutes after Paul woke up screaming.
Why can't my children sleep???????????
Next time Ted says to relax let's go to Target and splurge on Icees. :) You're doing a great job that sweet girl- don't doubt that what your doing at home is totally working.
ReplyDeleteI understand completely. My 2 year old is giving me a run for my money. The drama is constant with her!
ReplyDeleteDitto - my 2 year old is having the same affect, maybe the moon is full right now ;)
ReplyDeleteThe worst thing about this age is that they can't really grasp how their actions affect others yet. They think they're playing and don't know that what they're doing to mommy or brother hurts or is dangerous and it's frustrating to no end!
I'm currently keeping the "Dr. Sears Discipline book" by my bedside. I haven't read it cover to cover, but it's been a great reference book on those days when I feel like I did everything wrong!
You are most definitely not alone!!! I wrote my version of this blog post a few weeks ago in response to frustration with my three-year-old. You're a great mama, and Hannah is obviously doing a great job as a two-year-old. :) Motherhood certainly provides plenty of opportunities for daily sanctification!
ReplyDelete(Here's my spin on the same topic: http://hallelujahismysong.blogspot.com/2013/04/not-so-grace-filled-moments.html)
I've got bad news. I have three...ages 12, 9 and 7.....it doesn't really change much. I mean, one would think that a 12 year old would not ACT like he's two anymore.....but one would be wrong! Still, it's the best job I've ever had! I wouldn't have it any other way. Although my kids' antics and behavior hasn't changed all that much....I have changed. I let more stuff roll off my back...and LOTS of chores go undone for the time being. It's just where we are right now. I know that I'm going to blink and they are going to be all grown up and out of my house (and my hair)...and I will be sad! And just so you know....I haven't been to the bathroom by myself in almost 8 years!
ReplyDeleteYes! Yeas! Yes! I feel exactly the same way. All I do all day long is tell Mary-Grace no. I try not to lose my cool but it's hard. I can't walk away from her for fear she will smother Hannah or something. And now Hannah is suddenly becoming toddler like. She is pinching and biting and pulling Mary-Graces hair. Not to mention scaling every high surface she can. It's exhausting.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Summer. Next time Ted tells you to recharge, leave the house. Go walk around Target. Heck, go park your car somewhere and sit in silence.
Katie, I can't speak for the dynamic of two children but I've been there and done that with so much of what you said regarding disciplining a toddler. But she absolutely will grow out of it! I felt that 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 was the most difficult time. Like you said, it was one long creative string of no's. But then Thomas's language exploded and he was able to articulate himself and be reasonable and decent and not do a hundred million things that made me wonder if he had ADHD. Hang in there and remember that each day you're parenting, you are one day closer to her gaining independence in a way that won't make you go crazy.
ReplyDeleteI hear you on the 2 year old! She is driving me a little batty. But my eight year old vexes me in the same way....I am always thinking in my head "why can't we just have fun together!" It is like she is determined to be unsatisfied. Motherhood can be so so challenging. BUT I do have to say that, for me, having multiple children actually makes it easier, because at least one kid at a time is usually being good and sweet and funny. :)
ReplyDeleteYou are doing a great job! Here's hoping you get a fun day in soon!
Oh my heart goes out to you... I feel like I'm in the "no" stage already with a 9 month old. Granted, most of the time I'm with him it is in the evenings when he's super fussy already. I would say you definitely need a chance to recharge, but it is hard to do with one kid, let alone two. I have no advice but I will say some prayers to today is a bit better!
ReplyDeleteI am so right there with you. It took half an hour of screaming fits and two time outs to get out the door yesterday. Sigh. I don't know what to say to encourage you, since I am exactly in the same place. But knowing that you are there too is comforting. Thanks for the honesty.
ReplyDeleteBella was a sweet baby, an easy one year-old that even potty trained before 2, and a good 2 year old!
ReplyDeleteThen something happened a month ago (almost 3 years old)! I think some one replaced my sweet girl and gave me a monster!
I am in your same position. I keep telling myself that she is going through a transition (we are moving and expecting a new baby), and that it will pass. I really believe it will.
ReplyDeleteWhen I'm absolutely at my wit's end, I ask the Holy Spirit to drive away the spirit of disunity between the two of us, and fill my heart with His peace. Sometimes I have to ask for this multiple times a day, but it always works to get me through the really challenging moments.
KJL-that is a beautiful prayer! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteKaitlyn -- You have a way of being in my head. My oldest is 3 and 3 presents a whole new set of challenges because he has found his voice and can argue back.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking the other day how much fun I always had with my nieces and nephews when they were the same age as my kids -- 3 and 21 months -- building forts, going to the playground, running around together. Why isn't raising my own kids the same amount of fun? Because I have to be the mom and not the fun aunt :-). I also use to wonder where my sister would disappear to when I was playing with the kids...duh! She was sneaking time to herself.
I don't want to yell, really I don't, but sometimes that is the only way to get their attention after I've said it gently 100 times. I remember my mom saying, "don't make me yell, I don't like to yell." Know I understand...
I read your blog all the time, yet rarely comment. This one is right on the money with my feelings exactly. I feel like I say "No" all day long, and "settle down", "Let's be patient", and "It will be better in a while." I keep thinking this two year old stage is just hard, thank God for those moments when they are just precious and you fall more in love with them all over again.
ReplyDeletePraying for you! What gets me is that they say the teenage years are worse . . .. and I have one of those in my house too :/ Sometimes my two year old is much better behaved than the teenager!
One thing about children and sleep is maybe try to put them to bed like 20 or so minutes earlier. (I know that is hard when you are doing something) but when they get overtired it causes them to wake up later. Just my 2 cents...you are a great mom...just in the thick of it!
ReplyDeleteDr. Ray Guarendi says that the "high spirited" kids make you a better parent. I have repeated that to myself consolingly for the past several years. My oldest had the "terrible twos" from 18 mos until...well...I think we are just seeing the end of them (he just turned 5). I sometimes look at myself and wonder where that energetic, nice mom I thought I'd be disappeared to.
ReplyDeleteCome join me in my corner. Rocking back and forth. Repeating, "I am becoming a stronger parent. I am becoming a stronger parent." Because we are.
Change two year old to one year old and this is my life too! Minus the extra sibling. I have one and I'm going crazy...literally. It's 2 am and my daughter decided she needed to be up for hours in the middle of the night for the umpteenth night in a row. I figure, in 17 years she'll leave for college and I can sleep then, right?
ReplyDelete:( We're having serious issues with my 2-year-old right now, too - she wants to be with the babies ALL the time, but she's been biting them sporadically and pinched one today! Can you leave Paul in a pack and play so she can't reach him?
ReplyDeleteThese stages are really rough, and thankfully they do pass. And then another awful stage comes along, but there's really so SO much good in between, it's just those awful moments that seem to overshadow everything :(
I've found during these terrible times that adding something extra and exciting and fun can sometimes be what snaps the big kids out of their funk - letting them do "bath paint" (a few drops of food coloring mixed with shaving cream), taking them to the dollar store and letting them pick out one special thing of their own, just getting out of the house and going ANYWHERE can be huge. When I had my 2nd baby, the only way I could keep my oldest from whining all day long was to be out of the house as much as possible - it meant babywearing a LOT and nursing a whole lot in public, but just being out of the house seemed to put him on his best behavior, somehow.
Prayers!